Hi.
Thought that if you've had one of those days that you wish you hadn't got up today, that this may make you smile and end it on a better one.
And don't we all wish we'd of done this !!!!
THE TIMES - Letter of the YearAn elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque & the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, & also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls & letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage & loan payments will therefore & hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally & confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status, which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that a Solicitor must countersign all copies of his or her medical history, and the mandatory details of his / her financial situation (income, debts, assets & liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which he / she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact).
8. To return to the main menu & to listen to options 1 through 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client.
Think enough said !!
M
Author
Topic: This may make you smile !! - Don't we all want to (Read 534 times)