Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[splott]

Renault & Ford are working together to build a small car.
They are using the Renault clit & the Ford Taurus as a basis for the new zippy little car, the Clitaurus.
The car comes in pink, with or without fur on the dash.
Trouble is, men will have problems finding it in the carpark.
 
A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...

"HELLLLO" "You need to wind up the windows"
 

[Debs.]

 

[ScottieMV6]

Very good

[Del Boy]

 

[splott]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says,
'Well dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
 
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'


The officer frowns and says,
'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'


The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'


And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,
 
'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'


The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?' 


               (I love this part)

 

'Only when he's been drinking.!!'

[waspy]

 

Good ones