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[Del Boy]

Pretty sure to be honest my son is in dire need of anger management, he has been terrible not with me or with his mates, but he had a falling out with someone earlier and continuously was punching properly punching concrete walls, proper walls as it were. Now his knuckles are black bruised already, and they're swollen quite badly he has big knuckles anyway but they're massive now. I'm pretty certain they aren't broke because he can bend his fingers and make a fist, it doesn't hurt when he does this either. That's not my worry though, he has a bit of a reputation for being a bit nutty anyway, but since the to do with his mum he has got worse.

It's not like he can't go anywhere without hitting things but he has an extremely short fuse if someone annoys him enough. To be truthfully blunt I'm exactly the same but never has he seen that side of me nor has he been bought up around violence, other than when he has had fights as teenagers do etc. That is an example to be honest some boys started on him and his mates in the park and he was going way overboard on one of the boys apparently I won't go into details but you get what I mean. Now I have always told him never start it but finish it which touch wood he has done, but the way he has been lately he is going to seriously end up in the clanger or severely hurting someone and I don't want him in trouble at all. Any ideas what to do, he's actually a really well behaved kid and has done so far really well at school, but its just his anger. Any ideas??

[Mr Skrunts]

Awkward one Del.

We could all off advice, but not of us know him.  it sounds like he needs some proper awnswers to his questions, and the only 2 people that may be able to help him are his Mum and Dad.

Sounds like he needs to be encouraged to talk and get things off his chest.  There will be a way but maybe it will when and if he is ready to talk.

Just bear with him Del, am sure he will come good.

Main problem is obviously his Mum, in his head she will/may have destroyed what his future should be, maybe he needs to write it all down in a letter to her, maybe he needs to question her as to why (but doesnt want to offend you if she starts slagging you off (then nothing is gained))

None of us know the right way on this one Del, all the clues are in your sons head at the moment, you just need to extract them somehow. 

[Del Boy]

Thanks mate, you're spot on really. I think I'll need to have a good chat with him tomorrow

[Mr Skrunts]

Thanks mate, you're spot on really. I think I'll need to have a good chat with him tomorrow

Just ease into and dont give him any clue's as to your intensions other wise he will just clam up.  Plus if he see's you getting frustrated about her being talked about then he may clam up again.

Gonna be hard on the pair of you to talk, may be a harder job than you think, but remember.  All the best matey, it's times like this you and the ex need to put feelings and bitterness aside and remember the lad comes first. 

[Martin_1962]

Get a punchbag - the POS who used his mum would be ideal.

[rikki_essex]

Hello Del its sounds like he needs an outlet does he play any sport if not join him up to the local boxing club or rugby club these will level him out and he will be abel to get every thing out there.

[PhilRich]

I'm a bit reticent to give my 2p worth Del, other than to say Skruntie pretty much hit the mark with his sage words. I had something similar with my youngest (32 going on 16!) which nearly split the family apart when I was diagnosed with the big C. Actually getting him to talk was difficult until one night I just gave him a bloody big hug & cuddle and the floodgates opened & it all came tumbling out of him & since then he doesn't bottle anything up! I know the situations are a bit different, but that hug did us both a power of good. It worked for us, I hope it will do the same for your lad too mate. Good Luck, with whatever you decide to do. 

[tunnie]

personally, i'd say better out that in, once you've smashed something up i usually feel a lot better, then become calm cleaning all the mess up and its all forgotten about!

[Terbs]

Anger Management........

[PhilRich]

Anger Management........

  ROFL 

[Mr Skrunts]

I'm a bit reticent to give my 2p worth Del, other than to say Skruntie pretty much hit the mark with his sage words. I had something similar with my youngest (32 going on 16!) which nearly split the family apart when I was diagnosed with the big C. Actually getting him to talk was difficult until one night I just gave him a bloody big hug & cuddle and the floodgates opened & it all came tumbling out of him & since then he doesn't bottle anything up! I know the situations are a bit different, but that hug did us both a power of good. It worked for us, I hope it will do the same for your lad too mate. Good Luck, with whatever you decide to do. 

It's amazing what barriers a hug or a cuddle can break through.

Quite a few years ago my girlfriends Mum went through a bad patch, the family were the sort that sorted thier problems by forgetting about them through excessive drinking, now I hadnt got a lot of time for her mum, she was allways moaning about something, anyway a lot of things just seem to hit the fan all at once and she seemed on the verge of a nervous nreakdown.

Well there I was 16 stones and 6'1" and she was like 4 stone wet through and 4'2", didnt really know of any thing to say so I just put my arm round her shoulder and gave her a hug.

My GF said to me a week later she was like a new woman and was coping ok with life.  It seems it was the 1st hug that see had been given where someone wasnt after something and that some cared enough to give her a hug.  It just shows at times what some of us take for granted means so much to other people and is capable of of changing the way they feel or even thier attitude.

[fudgee]

Hello Del its sounds like he needs an outlet does he play any sport if not join him up to the local boxing club

Hi Del.

Just want to say that I think thats a very good idea, or if he is a big old lump and not really built for speed how about cage fighting.
That would really help channel all of his aggression and it would also make him a far more disiplined and believe it or not a far more relaxed and laid back person.

The British heavyweight champion trains at my local gym in Croydon and he says that since he took the sport up he has not had one single street fight or been in trouble with the police.
Both things were quite regular occurances before he started training apparantly.

Its also true what Skruntie said, he needs to let the barriers down and get all the built up emotions out of his system first.
If he does'nt he will soon end up in prison like what I did.
And despite what you read in the newspapers I can assure you that they are not like hotels.

[Mr Skrunts]

Hello Del its sounds like he needs an outlet does he play any sport if not join him up to the local boxing club

Hi Del.

Just want to say that I think thats a very good idea, or if he is a big old lump and not really built for speed how about cage fighting.
That would really help channel all of his aggression and it would also make him a far more disiplined and believe it or not a far more relaxed and laid back person.

The British heavyweight champion trains at my local gym in Croydon and he says that since he took the sport up he has not had one single street fight or been in trouble with the police.
Both things were quite regular occurances before he started training apparantly.

Its also true what Skruntie said, he needs to let the barriers down and get all the built up emotions out of his system first.
If he does'nt he will soon end up in prison like what I did.
And despite what you read in the newspapers I can assure you that they are not like hotels.

The qym/boxing may help him, but he has to sort his head first, If he went to a gym 1st he may accelerate the anger and do something wrong with it as everyone one he didnt like would necome that target to vent the rage, where as if he sorts his head , the gym/boxing will channel the anger and he can control and use it.  Smart people win fights, not angry people.  Some/most martial arts they train to use the opponents aggresion againt them.