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[Mr Skrunts]

[size=16]A man escapes from a prison where he's  been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and  guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed  and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the  convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his  wife:

"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!  He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist,  don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much  he
nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets  angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

 His wife  responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me  that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told  him it was in the bathroom.

 Be strong honey. I love you, [/size]

[Mr Skrunts]

[size=16]A bloke goes into the Job Centre in London and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.


"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the girl behind the desk.

The Job Centre Assistant sorts through her files and replies..

"Oh, yes sir, here it is. OK, the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist."

"You have to help the ladies out of their clothes and underwear, lie them down and gently wash their nether regions.. Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination."

"There's a starting annual salary of £85,000, but you're going to have to go to Glasgow .."

"Oh, why? Is that where the job is?" he asks.

"No," replied the assistant, "that's where the end of the queue is."[/size]

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

The second one Skrunts.....

[cem_devecioglu]

 

[maria]

Good one's there skrunts

[Banjax]

 

[wingman]