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[Lizzie_Zoom]

I agree that you should get your GP Del to refer him to counselling, along with a anger management course.

He needs to "earth" his understandable frustrations and anger, and for that he requires professional help.  I'm afaid to say that if he does not take that route soon there will be serious trouble!

It's like a ticking time bomb without sounding silly  :-/

I can imagine Del, so I would try and defuse it as quickly as possible with professional help!

No one tackles a bomb who is not a bomb disposal expert!

[Del Boy]

I agree that you should get your GP Del to refer him to counselling, along with a anger management course.

He needs to "earth" his understandable frustrations and anger, and for that he requires professional help.  I'm afaid to say that if he does not take that route soon there will be serious trouble!

It's like a ticking time bomb without sounding silly  :-/

I can imagine Del, so I would try and defuse it as quickly as possible with professional help!

No one tackles a bomb who is not a bomb disposal expert!

That's a way to look at it 

[Chris_H]

I agree that you should get your GP Del to refer him to counselling, along with a anger management course.

He needs to "earth" his understandable frustrations and anger, and for that he requires professional help.  I'm afaid to say that if he does not take that route soon there will be serious trouble!

It's like a ticking time bomb without sounding silly  :-/

I can imagine Del, so I would try and defuse it as quickly as possible with professional help!

No one tackles a bomb who is not a bomb disposal expert!

That's a way to look at it 

The route this argument has gone suggests washing your hands of your kids.  Absolutely no way.  By all means get professional help if you can but the responsibility for parenting never leaves while the child is young.

[Del Boy]

I agree that you should get your GP Del to refer him to counselling, along with a anger management course.

He needs to "earth" his understandable frustrations and anger, and for that he requires professional help.  I'm afaid to say that if he does not take that route soon there will be serious trouble!

It's like a ticking time bomb without sounding silly  :-/

I can imagine Del, so I would try and defuse it as quickly as possible with professional help!

No one tackles a bomb who is not a bomb disposal expert!

That's a way to look at it 

The route this argument has gone suggests washing your hands of your kids.  Absolutely no way.  By all means get professional help if you can but the responsibility for parenting never leaves while the child is young.

That mate is bang on, and I don't want him to feel that he has to talk to someone because I want to help him, not some stranger.

[Lizzie_Zoom]

I agree that you should get your GP Del to refer him to counselling, along with a anger management course.

He needs to "earth" his understandable frustrations and anger, and for that he requires professional help.  I'm afaid to say that if he does not take that route soon there will be serious trouble!

It's like a ticking time bomb without sounding silly  :-/

I can imagine Del, so I would try and defuse it as quickly as possible with professional help!

No one tackles a bomb who is not a bomb disposal expert!

That's a way to look at it 

The route this argument has gone suggests washing your hands of your kids.  Absolutely no way.  By all means get professional help if you can but the responsibility for parenting never leaves while the child is young.

That mate is bang on, and I don't want him to feel that he has to talk to someone because I want to help him, not some stranger.

But Del, with your "child", who is a young man, you sometimes do need professional help!  It is not "a stranger", but someone who is qualified to advise and guide with the big issues your son /you have.  To get the best advise for your child in not divorcing yourself from the responsibility you have as a parent, but giving to your "child" what they really need.

As a parent of now three in their thirties adults, I have been there with a "child" who had real issues, and the professionals helped greatly!

[Amigo]

Professionals can help but as already stated it's not easy getting a disturbed 16 yr old to attend. If he's up for going to the gym with you that's a cracking idea as it it will help release any pent up aggression & further strengthen the bond between you. He's 16 now & if he does'nt want to see his mother does'nt have too. My son is 25. We've had our scrapes but all is good with him, me & mum now.
    In all honesty i don't think there is a quick fix. It's obviously hurting him to see his mum carrying on as she is. Take the tortoise & hare approach. Just be there for him, when he can't be calm & you be calm while he's kicking off, let him let it out. It might take a year or two & it'll be rough at times.
   It'll work in the long run. Guy.
    

[Del Boy]

Professionals can help but as already stated it's not easy getting a disturbed 16 yr old to attend. If he's up for going to the gym with you that's a cracking idea as it it will help release any pent up aggression & further strengthen the bond between you. He's 16 now & if he does'nt want to see his mother does'nt have too. My son is 25. We've had our scrapes but all is good with him, me & mum now.
    In all honesty i don't think there is a quick fix. It's obviously hurting him to see his mum carrying on as she is. Take the tortoise & hare approach. Just be there for him, when he can't be calm & you be calm while he's kicking off, let him let it out. It might take a year or two & it'll be rough at times.
   It'll work in the long run. Guy.
    

In the past 7 months there's been a kicked in back gate, dented garage doors and 2 broken knuckles, god knows how many cuts and bleeding knuckles there has been, but I honestly think that, that is the way to let him do it, it gets some of the huge amount of anger in there out. I know he misses his mum, but he won't admit it, we were a very close family before all of this kicked off and it has all really been taken away from him. I just know for a fact that he won't go and see a professional, and I honestly think as Guy says is the way to let him do it  :-/

[jerry]

as a lot of others have said, he really could benefit from proffessional counselling but at 16 thats going to be a difficult thing to persuade him to undertake. When parents split up it often has an understandably drastic effect on kids and their inability to verbalize their feelings ,confusion and hurt often leads to anger out of sheer frustration. I know my lad (at heart a very placid and generally "nice" young man) went off the rails for a while and nearly got expelled from school ,trouble with the police etc but it all-luckily-turned out well in the end. Its because , whatever the situation, kids tend to want mum and dad to stay together and they arent mature enough or worldly enough to understand the reasons why things happen between people. Try and persuade him to see someone who can help him deal with his anger and frustration and try your hardest not to slag his mum off in  front of him however hard that can be and however much of a cow she is to him/you. You are the adult so you're the role model so you are the one who has got to try to be seen by him to be reasonable in your attitude to things including her actions. Make him know that you love him and will look out for him but also let him know that certain behaviours are not acceptable.Spend quality time with him as youve said like going to the gym so you can better bond with him. Like all kids-esp of that age!_he will push you but he will do that to sort of test his boundries as well as you. You know, the old will dad leave me too? what if I do such and such, will dad kick me out. Its a very fine line and it certainly aint easy but if you can be firm with him but still reassure him then you'll ultimately be the closer for it. Hope I arent "teaching you to suck eggs" or anything but as someone who has merged 2 families together(much of the credit due to the patience and maternal instincts of my better half I must say) I know a little of what youre going through. It'll take time and it wont be easy but you'll get there. (oh, btw, this is a need to know situation so school/college/work need to be kept informed so they can understand reasons for your sons sometime aggression.  My lad wouldnt initially respond to me or his teachers but he did respond well to his young mentor they put in place at school).Best wishes mate,especially at this time of year which should be all about you and yours