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[Danny]

well, i had it officially confirmed today that my relationship with my fiancee has come to an end with no going back, i dont know exactly why i'm posting here but i feel i just need to let it all out, she did all the chasing from the start, wanted to move forward in the relationship all along, get the house, and look forward to a wedding and i'm not saying i didnt want this, i definately did, but it was more her initiating the way our relationship was going. we only got engaged a few months ago and i thought we'd be together for life, the spark had died down though and we got too comfortable almost as mates, and although very happy, it clearly wasn't right, the problem is everytime we had discussions about it, it just knocked my confidence instead of shaking me into touch and doing what needed to be done to fix it, so it never really improved much, until the middle of january when she said it needed to end

the break up made me realise (allbeit too late) exactly how much she properly means to me, and how much i really really do love her and need her in my life, and how i'm not afraid of anything our future could have thrown at us, but she's adamant its not worth fixing, and i must stress that although there were some bad bits in our relationship, that i'm certain i could have put right if given the chance, she's going to walk away from absolutely everything fantastic about our relationship too

she also told me she likes someone she works with, and this biased (slimey f**ker of a) person has done everything he possibly can to convince her that she's doing the right thing by leaving me

i'm not a confident person by any means but i am at a point where i know full well me and her could have had an absolutely perfect future together because of how well we get on in every way, living together has been an absolute dream for both of us, we were very best friends on top of everything else

to me, i feel like the last 3 years has been an absolute waste and my future of trusting women and settling down with one is destroyed because i've been shown that even the best relationships will only fall apart. its as if this was just another relationship to her

i wasnt in this for a relationship, i'd found the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, genuinely

the problem is, i'm young enough to be told be everyone that "you'll be ok, you'll find someone else" yet i'm old enough and wise enough to know i'm damaged beyond repair

house will be going on the market soon, if i can salvage anything from this, it'll be a small amount of cash, but none of that means anything anymore, i have to go back to my parents house, and live in a box room all over again and i feel i have nothing worth living for and i dont mean that in a depressed way either. I always believed in my heart that the only reason i'm here is to make someone the happiest person in the world, because with alison i feel like i can, i've never felt so capable of being able to do anything in my life except this, but it has to be her

i dont want to spend the next 30 years finding a woman who would be patient enough while i learn to love and trust her, i've never ever done wrong by a woman, yet every relationship has failed catastrophically

its my birthday this friday, the big 30, and i wont be celebrating it

[VXL V6]

Danny

Sorry to read this and there's probably not a lot that I or anyone else can say that will make you feel any better for now.

I know you've probably heard it so many times now but the one thing that helps to put things in perspective and focuses your mind and future aims is TIME.

While you are feeling as you do there won't be much that feels right and you'll be lacking any direction but it does get better. I've been through a similar situation as your currently going through and I never thought i'd get through..... but I did, just day by day, week by week and month by month. Eventually you rebuild your life and start again and see all the positive things there are in life if you reach and and grab them.

[tigers_gonads]

sorry to read that danny 

as per vxl v6

first things first mate,   this confidence thing.  just be yourself , thats all you can do 
the decient blokes always come out on top 

eh your 30 not 70  , your not the first bloke who's life turned to sh*t over a girl.  believe me, there are thousands of blokes ( and women ) out there who are / have been in the same boat as you so don't think your on your own with this because your not 

this bloke ( wan*er ) she works with.  leave him alone.  it might / would give you great satisfaction in tearing him a new ar*ehole but believe me, the sad tinker ain't worth it. just remember, what comes around, goes around 

as for your lass not wanting to talk about it then i'm sorry to say this but there is sweet FA you can do about that    i know from experience that the more you push, the worse it can get.

when your ready ( not when your mates say so )
you will get over this, believe me 

try not to be bitter mate ( easy said i know )  and whatever you do, don't think it happen everytime you meet someone because the world ain't like that. trust me i know 

its her loss

steve

 

[hercules]

been there and got a big t shirt danny,4 years of great times and then bought a house,two years of owning our own home and she decided she didnt like the responsibility anymore and ended it leaving me riddled with debt which i built up by carrying her and doing the house up,i hated the bitch(but loved her dearly)she was 4 years younger than me and in the end we were both too young and it couldnt have lasted but love is blind.within a month she had met somebody else and that was hard but over the years the hate took over the candle i still held for her and now i hope i never see her again and have heard im doing alot better than her and in fact i now look back and think its the best thing she could ever have done for me,i could carry on telling you things but time does heal and there is more fish in the sea(after the breakup i sampled quite a few lol)but im now married with 3 kids and my boy is amazing ive got a good job i live in a good area,skint but warm and a glass of wine in my hand,me and the wife argue but thats just the kids that stress you out and mainly we get along.what im trying to say is i thought i could never give myself to a woman again and for a few years i treat them like shit and i bet id been with the wife for a few years before i let my guard down but im in a happy place now and going by how youve said you felt about alison you sound like a nice guy and one day you will find a woman that will appreciate youand look back to these times and possibly be glad it happened

[I_want_an_Omega]

sorry to read that danny 

as per vxl v6

first things first mate,   this confidence thing.  just be yourself , thats all you can do 
the decient blokes always come out on top 

eh your 30 not 70  , your not the first bloke who's life turned to sh*t over a girl.  believe me, there are thousands of blokes ( and women ) out there who are / have been in the same boat as you so don't think your on your own with this because your not 

this bloke ( wan*er ) she works with.  leave him alone.  it might / would give you great satisfaction in tearing him a new ar*ehole but believe me, the sad tinker ain't worth it. just remember, what comes around, goes around 

as for your lass not wanting to talk about it then i'm sorry to say this but there is sweet FA you can do about that    i know from experience that the more you push, the worse it can get.

when your ready ( not when your mates say so )
you will get over this, believe me 

try not to be bitter mate ( easy said i know )  and whatever you do, don't think it happen everytime you meet someone because the world ain't like that. trust me i know 

its her loss

steve

 

Well said Steve - I know how "from the heart" this is for you .....

I can't really add anything Danny, except my best wishes for the future.

Rob

[cem_devecioglu]

years will pass and one day you even wont remember what you feel right now

most men inevitably pass through these times.. I know it hurts, but will pass with time..

my lesson was not to bet on a single number

if budget permits go for some "tours"

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Danny.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I can add little more than has already been said. If possible it is best if you can accept the situation you find yourself in at present. Take time to gather your thoughts and then move on.

One other thing. Try not to move back in with your parents. I think that this would knock your confidence further. A 30 year old man  needs his own  space and place.

Good luck....

[Arrolman]

Sorry to hear, have recently went through a similiar situation and its taken me a good few months to get back to a place im comfortable with, as has been said, time is a great healer, it never seems like it at the time but you will move on.

Be sure to get out and about with mates, don't sit about as you'll do nothing but sit and think about it and it will only get you down, keep yourself busy and things will start to get better, keep your head up mate, you'll look back in time and see the big picture a lot more clearly, life is one big adventure, good and bad, but theres always more good than bad i've found

Iain

[Webby the Bear]

well, i had it officially confirmed today that my relationship with my fiancee has come to an end with no going back, i dont know exactly why i'm posting here but i feel i just need to let it all out, she did all the chasing from the start, wanted to move forward in the relationship all along, get the house, and look forward to a wedding and i'm not saying i didnt want this, i definately did, but it was more her initiating the way our relationship was going. we only got engaged a few months ago and i thought we'd be together for life, the spark had died down though and we got too comfortable almost as mates, and although very happy, it clearly wasn't right, the problem is everytime we had discussions about it, it just knocked my confidence instead of shaking me into touch and doing what needed to be done to fix it, so it never really improved much, until the middle of january when she said it needed to end

the break up made me realise (allbeit too late) exactly how much she properly means to me, and how much i really really do love her and need her in my life, and how i'm not afraid of anything our future could have thrown at us, but she's adamant its not worth fixing, and i must stress that although there were some bad bits in our relationship, that i'm certain i could have put right if given the chance, she's going to walk away from absolutely everything fantastic about our relationship too

she also told me she likes someone she works with, and this biased (slimey f**ker of a) person has done everything he possibly can to convince her that she's doing the right thing by leaving me

i'm not a confident person by any means but i am at a point where i know full well me and her could have had an absolutely perfect future together because of how well we get on in every way, living together has been an absolute dream for both of us, we were very best friends on top of everything else

to me, i feel like the last 3 years has been an absolute waste and my future of trusting women and settling down with one is destroyed because i've been shown that even the best relationships will only fall apart. its as if this was just another relationship to her

i wasnt in this for a relationship, i'd found the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, genuinely

the problem is, i'm young enough to be told be everyone that "you'll be ok, you'll find someone else" yet i'm old enough and wise enough to know i'm damaged beyond repair

house will be going on the market soon, if i can salvage anything from this, it'll be a small amount of cash, but none of that means anything anymore, i have to go back to my parents house, and live in a box room all over again and i feel i have nothing worth living for and i dont mean that in a depressed way either. I always believed in my heart that the only reason i'm here is to make someone the happiest person in the world, because with alison i feel like i can, i've never felt so capable of being able to do anything in my life except this, but it has to be her

i dont want to spend the next 30 years finding a woman who would be patient enough while i learn to love and trust her, i've never ever done wrong by a woman, yet every relationship has failed catastrophically

its my birthday this friday, the big 30, and i wont be celebrating it 

hi mate, real sorry to hear about this.

in my honest opinion one of the main reasons its tough is cos of the comfort factor you mentioned which people confuse for being love.

dont take this the wrong way but i dont see how she can be your best mate if shes admitting she likes someone else before youve even broke up?!? and you are also not that wise if you think youre damaged beyond repair!!!!!

my advice for what its worth would be as follows:

1. accept its over. i know you have a house but thank yourself lucky youre actually gonna get something out of it!! and ignore her too. if she has moved on then as far as youre concerned you have no business corresponding with each other!
2. rally your mates. hopefully you havent dropped your mates like hot bricks when you got with your girl like some people do! friends are for life, women come and go. go to the boozer, get hammered and organise as soon as possible a boys weekend away.
3. dont sit there and stew. make sure your time is filled doing stuff. if youve got really comfortable youll have put on weight. play sports and get fit so that a new bird will be easy to find. keep her in your head for motivation thinking what it will be like to bump in to her and youre looking the business with a fit bird clutching your arse!!!!! this will do your confidence the world of good

peeps might not agree (and you might not) but the above is what ive done and ive broken up after long relationships a few times. better than sitting there feeling depressed!!!!!!

hope it helps and good luk mate