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[cbs2]

You know you are a true Scot if...........
 
01. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St, St. Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
02. Ye actually like Deep Fried Battered Pizza fae the Chippie.
03. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
04. Ye canna pass a Chip/Kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer
blootert.
05. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
06. Ye see people wearin shell suits with Burberry accessories - Pure Class!
07. Ye measure distance in minutes.
08. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like
him, in yer ain family.
09. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur Wedding
Day/Date.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find Curries, Pizzas, Kebabs, Fish 'n' Chips, Irn-Bru, Fags and Nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has Calor Gas under it.
16. Ye know Irn-Bru is a hangover cure.
17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer
pals.
 
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words:
 
How's It Hingin'
Clatty
Boggin
Cludgie
Pished
Get It Up Ye
Wee Beasties
Erse Bandit
Amurny
Away An Bile Yer Heid
Peely-Wally
Humphey Backit
Baw Bag
Dubble Nugget
And finally......
 
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher
has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with
his erse  aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display
case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher.
'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

[Andy B]

....
03. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.......

FOUR seasons? I only ever saw winter in the four years I spent in H21's neck of the woods.!      

[hotel21]

....
03. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.......

FOUR seasons? I only ever saw winter in the four years I spent in H21's neck of the woods.!      

Thats because you never ventured outside away from the standard issue single bar electric fire.....  

Sometimes the rain is warm and, if you are really really lucky, it comes straight down instead of sideways....  

[Andy B]

....
Thats because you never ventured outside away from the standard issue single bar electric fire.....  

Electric fire? Luxury! Newly married we had a married quarter behind the church that's like the pointed bit of a sinking ship as you go towards the dockyard. Neither of us had ever had the luxuries of a coal fire before, England has gas fires   and consequently had never ever had to make a coal fire from pi$$ed wet coal that lived in a bunker in a lake where we were told we'd have a garden.  

Sometimes the rain is warm and, if you are really really lucky, it comes straight down instead of sideways....  

I know all I want to know about horizonatal rain. I've stood in it many times on that bloody parade ground in HMS Caledonia. A somewhat younger SWMBO used to walk from Rosyth Halt to said Married quater when I was down in Pompey, and was next to crying from the cold.

       

[hotel21]

....
Thats because you never ventured outside away from the standard issue single bar electric fire.....  

Electric fire? Luxury! Newly married we had a married quarter behind the church that's like the pointed bit of a sinking ship as you go towards the dockyard. Neither of us had ever had the luxuries of a coal fire before, England has gas fires   and consequently had never ever had to make a coal fire from pi$$ed wet coal that lived in a bunker in a lake where we were told we'd have a garden.  

We used to use paper and sticks to start then some of the coal we kept indoors in the dry.  You soon learn..

Sometimes the rain is warm and, if you are really really lucky, it comes straight down instead of sideways....  

I know all I want to know about horizonatal rain. I've stood in it many times on that bloody parade ground in HMS Caledonia. A somewhat younger SWMBO used to walk from Rosyth Halt to said Married quater when I was down in Pompey, and was next to crying from the cold.

       

Cold down the south coast as well as up here then??   :-/

Ach, you know how the saying goes....

If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have signed on....  

[Andy B]

......
If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have signed on....  

Touche.

[Big Fra]

Tha's pure magic man, ah'm fair near pishin masel wi aw that!

Ah says it wid be cool tae introduce show these sassenachs whit it's aw aboot man.

(this is purely a fictional statement and does not represent the author, his views, or the views or opinions of the general scottish population)

 

[cbs2]

I think you can babel fish it into proper english

[Darth Loo-knee]

I have Scots blood in me (Robert the Bruce) but can't tell a bloody word you boyz are sayin

[The Elite]

What about the buckfast?...

[smoothomega]

I must be a Scot (i must have a word with me mum   ) i do and say all them things on a friday night after several pints