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[dave the builder]

…………
I doubt you'd gleam any education from using busses or trains 
inless you didn't know what stale p155 and puke smelt like 

Pissing ON the train cubicle floor and toilet seat is easy. Pissing IN a train toilet is an art form. You have to get the old boy out, match your swaying to the clickety clack on the train track, when the rhythm is good you open fire and keep changing the direction of your pissing to the opposite direction of your swaying. Try the hovering squatting position and when your knees give way you may just end up sat on a toilet seat that a million other people have pissed on. 

I think this is why ,in older pub toilets ,the entire wall is a urinal with a trough bellow 

[TheBoy]

I know it's an odd suggestion for a car forum.... (cue sharp intakes of breath!) .... but you could let the train take the strain.   

Apparently the Chiltern Slug is one of the better services on the UK system.  Well, if that's the case, the rest must be unusable.


That reminds me, I must chase up that last lot of compo, as I still aint received it.  The monetary value is immaterial, it'll cost them loads to process it. Useless bunch of idiots.

[Sir Tigger KC]

I know it's an odd suggestion for a car forum.... (cue sharp intakes of breath!) .... but you could let the train take the strain.   

Apparently the Chiltern Slug is one of the better services on the UK system.  Well, if that's the case, the rest must be unusable.


That reminds me, I must chase up that last lot of compo, as I still aint received it.  The monetary value is immaterial, it'll cost them loads to process it. Useless bunch of idiots.

My local train line, Exeter St Davids - London Waterloo is quite good, but bleddy expensive! 

Last time I went to Londinium by train I naively expected my return ticket to be thirty/forty quid. It was eighty five quid for a two and three quarter hour ride! 

[TheBoy]

I know it's an odd suggestion for a car forum.... (cue sharp intakes of breath!) .... but you could let the train take the strain.   

Apparently the Chiltern Slug is one of the better services on the UK system.  Well, if that's the case, the rest must be unusable.


That reminds me, I must chase up that last lot of compo, as I still aint received it.  The monetary value is immaterial, it'll cost them loads to process it. Useless bunch of idiots.

My local train line, Exeter St Davids - London Waterloo is quite good, but bleddy expensive! 

Last time I went to Londinium by train I naively expected my return ticket to be thirty/forty quid. It was eighty five quid for a two and three quarter hour ride! 

Its £80 return for me, and thats an hour each way.  Used to be 34mins each way, but Network Rail put paid to that to make HS2 look more viable.

Oh, and £8.50 a day to park, self-abusers.

[TheBoy]

Apparently it costs no more if you want a seat on the train.  But you're shit out of luck if you are south of Banbury in the morning, not because the rail system is overcrowded, but because Chiltern, being morons, run 2 and 3 carriage DMUs most of the time.  Fikkin morons.

[TheBoy]

And I have to go to central Londonium tomorrow morning.  Train and car are about the same time, similar price by the time you factor in the Mayor's "pulling down statues of non ethnic historical figures" tax and the parking charges at Baynard House NCP....

...which would make it a no-brainer, except the company prefer the use of public transport when it comes to expenses...

[YZ250]

I'm loathed to use the M5 south of Brizzol at all. In the summer there are upside down tin tents all over the place and rozzers hiding on every bridge. At nights the road is usually closed somewhere for no apparent reason - often a "Police incident" or "Emergency Road Works".
………….

I’ve had some pretty good early hours (midnight onwards) runs down the M5 to South Devon and Cornwall. My Sat Nav always appears to wildly overestimate my ETA at night for some reason, sometimes by well over an hour. Not sure why that is as it’s fine in the daytime. 
I mostly travel at night as I got fed up with the daytime motorway ‘Phantom stops’, where you get caught in a two mile tailback with stop/start traffic, only for the traffic to suddenly take off at normal speed again with no obvious clue to why the tailback occurred in the first place. 

[STEMO]

I'm loathed to use the M5 south of Brizzol at all. In the summer there are upside down tin tents all over the place and rozzers hiding on every bridge. At nights the road is usually closed somewhere for no apparent reason - often a "Police incident" or "Emergency Road Works".
………….

I’ve had some pretty good early hours (midnight onwards) runs down the M5 to South Devon and Cornwall. My Sat Nav always appears to wildly overestimate my ETA at night for some reason, sometimes by well over an hour. Not sure why that is as it’s fine in the daytime. 
I mostly travel at night as I got fed up with the daytime motorway ‘Phantom stops’, where you get caught in a two mile tailback with stop/start traffic, only for the traffic to suddenly take off at normal speed again with no obvious clue to why the tailback occurred in the first place. 

If a butterfly flaps its wings in Carlisle, there's a five mile tailback in Birmingham. I think that's right 

[LC0112G]

I'm loathed to use the M5 south of Brizzol at all. In the summer there are upside down tin tents all over the place and rozzers hiding on every bridge. At nights the road is usually closed somewhere for no apparent reason - often a "Police incident" or "Emergency Road Works".
………….

I’ve had some pretty good early hours (midnight onwards) runs down the M5 to South Devon and Cornwall. My Sat Nav always appears to wildly overestimate my ETA at night for some reason, sometimes by well over an hour. Not sure why that is as it’s fine in the daytime. 
I mostly travel at night as I got fed up with the daytime motorway ‘Phantom stops’, where you get caught in a two mile tailback with stop/start traffic, only for the traffic to suddenly take off at normal speed again with no obvious clue to why the tailback occurred in the first place. 

If you're travelling from Brizzol to Exeter then there isn't really an alternative - just keep traffic alerts on and bail out at the first sign of aggro. But Brizzol to Yeovil there are two routes - M5 to Jct 23 then cross country, or avoid the M5 and straight down the A37. If I can get through Brizzol before 7am, or after 6pm, then A37 every time.

London to Exeter - I would always use A303/A30 rather than M4-M5.

Oxford to Exeter is a tricky one. A34 is the worst road I use regularly - although the junction with the A303 is a hoot if you can get a free run at it.

[Nick W]

I'm loathed to use the M5 south of Brizzol at all. In the summer there are upside down tin tents all over the place and rozzers hiding on every bridge. At nights the road is usually closed somewhere for no apparent reason - often a "Police incident" or "Emergency Road Works".
………….

I’ve had some pretty good early hours (midnight onwards) runs down the M5 to South Devon and Cornwall. My Sat Nav always appears to wildly overestimate my ETA at night for some reason, sometimes by well over an hour. Not sure why that is as it’s fine in the daytime. 
I mostly travel at night as I got fed up with the daytime motorway ‘Phantom stops’, where you get caught in a two mile tailback with stop/start traffic, only for the traffic to suddenly take off at normal speed again with no obvious clue to why the tailback occurred in the first place. 

If a butterfly flaps its wings in Carlisle, there's a five mile tailback in Birmingham. I think that's right 

If a butterfly has that effect, what causes the traffic on the Bristol bit of the M5? Dumbo flapping his ears?


I've never been around Bristol without being seriously delayed, which is one of several reasons why I don't use the M4/M5 to get to Plymouth. The worst traffic jam I've been in started when I got on the M4 at Bristol and ended when I joined the M25....


'Phantom Stops' are just a long queue of traffic reacting to something; it doesn't take much to create a block of traffic that takes several miles to speed up again.

[Nick W]

London to Exeter - I would always use A303/A30 rather than M4-M5.

Oxford to Exeter is a tricky one. A34 is the worst road I use regularly - although the junction with the A303 is a hoot if you can get a free run at it.

I have to agree with that, using the M4/M5 adds at least an hour for me if the traffic is good. Considering that means going past Heathrow and Bristol, it never is. That hour is simply due to the extra distance and is more if in a slower vehicle. Heading away from the M25 as soon as is practical has been my policy for years.


I've not had to go from Oxford to Exeter, but would probably not cross the M5 just to use the A303. Not the first time, anyway.

[countrywoman]

Usually it's a HGV "drag race" with the overtaking one doing 1/2 mph quicker. then you get the ones doing 60 on the inside lane overtaking (wasnt me this time in my 68 VW panel van!)

[TheBoy]

Oxford to Exeter is a tricky one. A34 is the worst road I use regularly - although the junction with the A303 is a hoot if you can get a free run at it.

Oxford to Exeter is probably quickest A40/M5, assuming you don't do it on a Bank Holiday Friday afternoon, as you'll shagged at Birdlip...   ...but get delayed so badly, all the traffic around Avonmouth will have cleared

Oxford to Exeter itself, A420/M4/M5 is usually far quicker nowadays than A34, although you can get stuck behind the tin tent brigade thats frustrating (and on the dual carriageway sections, you'll always get a knobjockey pull out and then continue at the same speed as what they are overtaking.


My trouble is to get to Oxford involves a particularly shitty bit of the A34, so I occasionally go M40/M42/M5 to Exeter...   ...every time I am daft enough to try A34/A303 I regret it, as it doubles the journey length.  Last time, it was 8.5hrs from Brackley to Penzance. Crazy.

[TheBoy]

And I have to go to central Londonium tomorrow morning.  Train and car are about the same time, similar price by the time you factor in the Mayor's "pulling down statues of non ethnic historical figures" tax and the parking charges at Baynard House NCP....

...which would make it a no-brainer, except the company prefer the use of public transport when it comes to expenses...

FFS, the 9:17 takes 1hr 21m (plus the usual Chiltern 5-10m late).  Jesus wept.

The 9:30 takes 52m, but you're lucking to get standing room on that one.

How do they make such a monumental mess of something so simple?

[countrywoman]

It was 5hrs, 3changes, a bus or walk to get to Wimbledon from Malvern. 2hrs 50 mins in car plus emission zone plus copping for a box junction fine (got hung out to dry on that one)