I was on nights last night, so didn't wake until 2pm today. Had some time to tinker though.
Removed Aux belt and timing cover. Although the top pulleys appeared to be lined up OK, I was unable to check the bottom, due to some muppet rounding off the torx bolts holding the bottom pulley on

So, decide to look at spark plugs. Removed them all. They were all as black as black can be, and were soaked in a thick-ish looking black liquid, my guess being engine oil? The plugs did smell a bit of petrol, but I'm finding it hard to make a judgement to be honest.
This would certainly explain why it's running like a sack of sh!te! But obviously I need to find out what's causing them to foul, before I put a new set of plugs in.
Any ideas?
The compression tester arrived today (Cheers Jaime

) And I tried to do a compression test. I was able to get the tester pretty securely into the plug holes, but when I held the throttle open and cranked the engine on the starter, I didn't get any reading at all on the guague. Was I doing something wrong? I tried in pots 1 and 2 and both were the same. No reading I'm sure I had a good seal.
There did feel like there was come compression when I was turning the engine by hand, but thinking about it I've known engines that have been harder to turn.
Any suggestions on what do to as a next step? I couldn't start it today due to the lack of ignition barrel, I'm not sure really how to troubleshoot from here...