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[Markjay]

The Army would do him good, I totally agree. However due to costs cuts etc the military no longer needs masses of people as in the good old days of the Cold War, and since they (rightly) do not see their role as being problem-solvers for society misfits, chances are that with his attitude (judging from Jay W's account) the MoD will not be interested....

I honestly believe it would do it the world of good, but he wouldn't tolerate the basic training, he cant stand any form of authority telling him what to do.

its going to be a coulture sock a big one.......

i would give him a incentive to make it through basic training.
like giving him his car back....once hes over this hurdle he can afford to keep the car and hes got to know the lads a bit. and may even find he enjoys it.

just an idea dangling a carrot (as such) might help

Yep, it is quite a kick-in-the-back-side joining-up at 18....  

[Andy B]

And Plymouth is very convenient for a certain well known armed force....

Which is where my lad left from very recently. We'd also had a shed load of problems with him too ....... but fingers crossed ..... so far ....

[cem_devecioglu]

even if he leaves after, this period will also be helpful

[Paulus]

Hi Jay,
I really feel for you. I have had this problem with 2 of my 3 step children. I eventually, with the wife's blessing, booted them out - literally. Both my girls were 16 (and very violent too) when they went, by the time they had reached 18, they had turned back in to humans again.

I'm not saying that you should throw him out - all cases are different, but is he affecting family harmony, something needs to be done - FAST.

[Jay w]

..is there anything at all that he is interested in? e.g. football, computers (or computer games, game consoles), etc? Might be a good idea to try and get him involved in some way with work based on something he likes, just to get him started, even if it is not a full-time paid job? For example if he is into game consoles then being a shop assistant at your local Curry's or Dixons might be an idea.....?

he is into his Xbox, music and technology, i have suggested doing something like that but it was met with a brash comment about combining hobby and job and how it doesn't work!!

[zippo]

I'v a similar problem with my nephew i say my problem because the nephew is a lot bigger than his step dad,and has pushes him around a bit
i decided that giving him a good slap at the time was not the best way to go,so 2pm one day last week i walked in to his bed room said hello picked up his play station & x-box  opened the window chucked'em out side you know I've never seen him move so fast,as i said slapping himaround would have achieved very little but having the top half of him hangingout the window seemed to do the trick we'll see what happens

[zippo]

I'v a similar problem with my nephew i say my problem because the nephew is a lot bigger than his step dad,and has pushes him around a bit
i decided that giving him a good slap at the time was not the best way to go,so 2pm one day last week i walked in to his bed room said hello picked up his play station & x-box  opened the window chucked'em out side you know I've never seen him move so fast,as i said slapping himaround would have achieved very little but having the top half of him hangingout the window seemed to do the trick we'll see what happens

after reading through every ones postes i felt guilty about how i dealt with the situation the way i did it makes me sound like a bully
so Ive just phoned my in laws, my nephew never wants to see or speak to me again but he has enrolled in collage and hes a lot nicer to live with/be around

[cem_devecioglu]

dont feel guilty ..Everybody has a limit..God knows what passed from my heart before..

[Craig_R]

From Being a Youngster along time ago and been in his position As I did Not know what i wanted to do But cant say that i was lazy just confused in which way in life to turn. I join the Army And It was The Best Thing I ever Did Gave me Pride In Myself which i had not had a lot of. Fair Enough I was Medicaly Discharged with a knacked Leg but it help me find my way in life upto the point of now, as i went to uni and got my Degree and Masters.

Also There was no Wars when i joined, I think this is putting alot of people off joining these days, Which I can Fully understand

Craig

[Gaffers]

In a word - ARMY    

he looked at it.......for about 2 mins.....

realised that he was going to be bossed about, was still keen until he realised that the army wasn't a 9-5 mon-fri. :-?
I didn't help as when he said about the hours i burst out laughing and asked a him question
'Do you think people only do war on weekdays and during office hours?'
his response was no surprise to me, he genuinely thought that 5 on friday the army, navy and air forace all knocked off for the weekend  

My wife has agreed, but i know that as we speak he is on the phone trying to crawl back into the house on the weeks that i am not there....

So, i have changed the locks today
Have a friend removing all his stuff and placing it in the garage
his car is up for sale (Renault clit 1.4 rt, 7 months MOT, £400)
his room will be painted pink and his sister will have an 'upgrade'
and he has been told to meet me and his mum this saturday in a neutral location, at this point he will be told what is happening.

i am the one however that feels like the bas***d in all of this, i just hope it does him good

We work weekends sometimes except on operations where we work everyday.  I have just come back from Iraq where I was working 12 shifts for 3 months with only 2 24 hours breaks the whole time I was there.

Yet I have today off and on friday I start 2 weeks post-tour leave (for a 6 month tour you get at least 4 weeks off plus annual leave - I know someone who spent so much time in Iraq he had 3 months off work on full pay!)

When I am back with the regiment I finish most fridays at midday after a forced march in combat gear carrying weight (or some other PT) and most units have a late start on mondays too.  Admittedly there is the downside such an exercise last year where for 3 weeks i was doing 20hr days continuously.  Not good for the health that one!

As we call it in the Army - Cake and Arse!

Did I mention that I have saved so much money I am looking at buying a new car next month....... oh and tax free!!  

[shyboy]

Haven't had these problems with my kids, thank God, but can understand how difficult it must be to find any good solution. If you do take the hardest lines suggested, try to find some way of getting him to understand that a real change of attitude and effort on his part might not meet with out-and-out rejection in the future. And as Marie says, make sure your wife (and yourself, for that matter), can come to terms with hardline action. She may not be voicing her deepest concerns.
Good luck.

[Jay w]

I'v a similar problem with my nephew i say my problem because the nephew is a lot bigger than his step dad,and has pushes him around a bit
i decided that giving him a good slap at the time was not the best way to go,so 2pm one day last week i walked in to his bed room said hello picked up his play station & x-box  opened the window chucked'em out side you know I've never seen him move so fast,as i said slapping himaround would have achieved very little but having the top half of him hangingout the window seemed to do the trick we'll see what happens

 

don't feel bad mate, especially if it did the trick...

Mine thinks that i hate him, i don't i just want him to make something of his life, he doeswn't know what direction to travel and i have tried to offer some suggestions.

I have thought about slinging stuff out of the window in the past, and it has been close, instead i just cut the power leads off the items and keep the plugs  
before doing this please remember to take the plug out of the socket  

[Dazzler]

I'v a similar problem with my nephew i say my problem because the nephew is a lot bigger than his step dad,and has pushes him around a bit
i decided that giving him a good slap at the time was not the best way to go,so 2pm one day last week i walked in to his bed room said hello picked up his play station & x-box  opened the window chucked'em out side you know I've never seen him move so fast,as i said slapping himaround would have achieved very little but having the top half of him hangingout the window seemed to do the trick we'll see what happens

 

don't feel bad mate, especially if it did the trick...

Mine thinks that i hate him, i don't i just want him to make something of his life, he doeswn't know what direction to travel and i have tried to offer some suggestions.

I have thought about slinging stuff out of the window in the past, and it has been close, instead i just cut the power leads off the items and keep the plugs  
before doing this please remember to take the plug out of the socket  

I do that already with my 12 year old

[Martin_1962]

I feel unusual just having mine alone, but they are hard work - thrashed them at happy families last night.

The boys I know will be a problem when they are teenagers, my daughter is already getting teenagerish and she is only 10

[sounds2k]

the other thing that may help could be careers guidance seeing as he doesn't know what he wants to do, might give him ideas as to what direction(s) to start looking in ... especially with the comment about him getting stuck in at the cambelt party, it may well be that he needs to know where to start ...