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Author Topic: Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)  (Read 796 times)

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Nickbat

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Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)
« on: 08 March 2008, 23:48:49 »

The government is looking for new advisers. They will pay loads of money to right candidates. No experience is required but successful applicants must display limited commonsense. An inability to have a firm grip on reality is a distinct advantage.

Recently appointed candidates have already shown these qualities:

Lord Turner (Gordon Brown's new climate change "tsar"): "If the wind dynamics work, why couldn't you put turbines every 300 yards up the central reservation of the motorway - where you have already produced a visual intrusion already?
Absolutely! Let's have some real M-way carnage, not this pathetic nonsense:
http://www.cobraclub.com/forum/cockpit/25779-wind-turbine-explodes.html


And here's Lord Adair Turner, the new climate czar (that's different from a "climate change czar", we think): "Office workers should be allowed to shed their suits and ties and adopt lightweight informal clothing to help cut carbon dioxide emissions. He believes forcing men to wear suits and women to wear smart skirts raises demand for air-conditioning and discourages them from using sustainable forms of transport such as walking and cycling."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article3512041.ece


Yes, we want more half-witted people to advise us. We do express caution, however. Successful candidates must be so dim that their ideas cannot be refuted by real science, as this one was:

"Scientists and environmentalists have attacked a global campaign to ban plastic bags which they say is based on flawed science and exaggerated claims. The widely stated accusation that the bags kill 100,000 animals and a million seabirds every year are false, experts have told The Times. They pose only a minimal threat to most marine species, including seals, whales, dolphins and seabirds. Gordon Brown announced last month that he would force supermarkets to charge for the bags. But scientists, politicians and marine experts attacked the Government for joining a “bandwagon” based on poor science.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article3508263.ece


We do NOT accept applications from people who can think for themselves, as they can create friction within the ranks:

The rush towards biofuels is threatening world food production and the lives of billions of people, the Government’s Chief Scientific Adviser said yesterday. Professor John Beddington put himself at odds with ministers who have committed Britain to large increases in the use of biofuels over the coming decades.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article3500954.ece

Finally please note this link. This describes the work of a candidate who we would not, under any circumstances, employ. Intelligence and openmindedness are NOT permissible.

http://www.dailytech.com/Researcher+Basic+Greenhouse+Equations+Totally+Wrong/article10973.htm


 ::) ;)
« Last Edit: 08 March 2008, 23:49:45 by Nickbat »
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albitz

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Re: Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)
« Reply #1 on: 08 March 2008, 23:55:35 »

brilliant :y.......if you can learn to speak lefty gobbledegook there are thousands of these types of jobs in the gaurdian,good money pensions etc;...you would wonder where they find all the money from ::)
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Vamps

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Re: Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)
« Reply #2 on: 08 March 2008, 23:56:26 »

Quote
brilliant :y.......if you can learn to speak lefty gobbledegook there are thousands of these types of jobs in the gaurdian,good money pensions etc;...you would wonder where they find all the money from ::)[/quote]

You and Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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albitz

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Re: Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)
« Reply #3 on: 09 March 2008, 00:02:36 »

exactly >:(...apparently the government has created thousands of these jobs per week over the last decade,one reason why the unemployment figures are so low ? i had a look at the jobs section on the gaurdian website a while ago and the amount of ridiculous sounding public sector jobs was just crazy :o
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Entwood

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Re: Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)
« Reply #4 on: 09 March 2008, 00:24:32 »

A wonderful example of Government Stupidity ... :(

It's very simple really ... all managers/bosses  .. call em what you will .. in the Civil Service (?) are graded on their "responsibilities".. the higher the responsibility .. the higher the grade .. the better the pay and pension.

So how do you (im)prove responsibility ...  easy .. have more people under you .. ie  .. run a larger department, easiest way to do that ??? Invent a few new jobs with fancy titles ... and if the folks who take those jobs also need some staff (secretaries, drivers etc) all the better.. as they become part of your "Empire" .... if you are REALLY good at this.. you'll even get promotion.

And when the crunch comes ....   you have proved yourself a "good manager" .. so the workers get the sack and you get a new department.... or a massive redundancy payout ... all funded by ... guess who .. ah yes .. the taxpayer.  

:(

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Vamps

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Re: Wanted: Government Advisers (must be dim)
« Reply #5 on: 09 March 2008, 00:28:33 »

Quote
A wonderful example of Government Stupidity ... :(

It's very simple really ... all managers/bosses  .. call em what you will .. in the Civil Service (?) are graded on their "responsibilities".. the higher the responsibility .. the higher the grade .. the better the pay and pension.

So how do you (im)prove responsibility ...  easy .. have more people under you .. ie  .. run a larger department, easiest way to do that ??? Invent a few new jobs with fancy titles ... and if the folks who take those jobs also need some staff (secretaries, drivers etc) all the better.. as they become part of your "Empire" .... if you are REALLY good at this.. you'll even get promotion.

And when the crunch comes ....   you have proved yourself a "good manager" .. so the workers get the sack and you get a new department.... or a massive redundancy payout ... all funded by ... guess who .. ah yes .. the taxpayer.  

:(


You forgot something, budget responsibility gives extra points. :)
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