Sitrep.
Left Tignes around 06:30CET, satnav predicting arrival at Calais 16:04. Even with a 10 minute pit stop for fuel at the Metal chicken (Aire de Poulet de Bresse) managed to shave 50 minutes off that before we stopped for our traditional Wine, Cheese and Foie Gras stop at Reims. 600+ miles and virtually no traffic. Only started seeing a few British cars as we approached Calais - but probably less than a dozen on the whole trip.
Arrived at a deserted Eurotunnel about 16:30 CET - 4 check-in booths open but no other cars around. We were booked on the 17:50, but they offered us the earlier 17:20, which we accepted. Then we just drove slowly through the bollard maze they've erected in the terminal car park and through to immigration. As expected disinterested French staff - although they had pulled over one swiss car for the rubber glove treatment. The UK lot were no more interested. Passports stamped by the French and on our way - no-one interested in any of the other guff. Then we just drove slowly through the rest of the bollard maze they've erected, straight through the normal queuing area, green arrow lights on all the way, down the ramp and straight onto the train. There were only 7 other cars on our deck when we left at 16:50 (each train carriage usually takes 5-6 cars and only 2 of the (12?) carriages had any cars in it.
Off the train by 16:30GMT, and up to Bluewater. What a fustercluck of a place that is - my ideal of hell. We were 2 hours early for our pre-booked test time (19:20), but that didn't seem to matter. Day2 PCR test done and off again by 18:00. M25, A13, North Circ to drop off a fellow traveller in Neasden, then home to civilisation in Somerset via A40, M25, M3, A303. Home by 10PM.
So now just got to wait for an EMAIL to say whether I've brought the plague back to plague island or not. Gives me some time to unpack 12 days of stale kacks and socks I suppose.