Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: PhilRich on 28 September 2014, 17:19:49
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Sexist? Yes, probably.
Wrong section of the Forum? Most definately!
Reason? Because very few of us visit the Jokes Section these days & this place could really do with a bit more un-PC, British humour interspaced amongst the usual day to day stuff rather than bunged to the 'back of the cupboard' to lighten the mood.
So, I will give you your "starter for 10" & let's see how many belly laughs we get from your contributions before I get a rollicking from an Admin! :D
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.'
The woman did as she was told.
'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'
Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'
Worried the woman asked anxiously, 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?'
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse.
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I like that a lot, don't care if it is sexist or racist made me laugh..
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Nowt wrong with that. ;D ;D......You sexist pig. ;D ;D
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Now you've done it, TB's inbox will be full of pm's moaning about sexist and racist posts on the oof. Ooh wow the terribleness of it all. ::)
...I hope your wegs sting velly velly bad flom admin slaps. ;D
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Sorry, but the best jokes are one liners. Two at a stretch. That is the secret of real comedy as in some of the best comedy films and TV productions over the years. 8) 8) :y
One that long as the above is just that, too long regardless of content. It gets boring and personally I lose interest in the final punch line once you get there ::) ::) :P :D
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Sorry, but the best jokes are one liners. Two at a stretch. That is the secret of real comedy as in some of the best comedy films and TV productions over the years. 8) 8) :y
One that long as the above is just that, too long regardless of content. It gets boring and personally I lose interest in the final punch line once you get there ::) ::) :P :D
Lizzie. How much time have you spent away from the kitchen to write this post?.... ::) ::) ::) :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Cooking and cleaning first......Once done then you have time for OOF. ;)
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Sorry, but the best jokes are one liners. Two at a stretch. That is the secret of real comedy as in some of the best comedy films and TV productions over the years. 8) 8) :y
One that long as the above is just that, too long regardless of content. It gets boring and personally I lose interest in the final punch line once you get there ::) ::) :P :D
Sorry dear but that post says so much about you :(
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Just got managed to get logged back on with my new password as requested,
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyMadridLondon
Eight characters and at least one Capital
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Sorry, but the best jokes are one liners. Two at a stretch. That is the secret of real comedy as in some of the best comedy films and TV productions over the years. 8) 8) :y
One that long as the above is just that, too long regardless of content. It gets boring and personally I lose interest in the final punch line once you get there ::) ::) :P :D
Sorry dear but that post says so much about you :(
That's not sad. Best comedy is fast and punchy.
That is why it has won awards from the Marx Brothers onwards through to Laurel & Hardy, John Candy, Chevy Chase, Tony Hancock, Tim Vine, Stewart Francis, Rowan Atkinson, Jo Brand, The Young Ones, Bottom etc, etc, etc. It is a classic comedy style which lives for years.
Long drawn out jokes are (usually) boring and poor. ;)
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Just got managed to get logged back on with my new password as requested,
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyMadridLondon
Eight characters and at least one Capital
;D no! Not funny! Too many lines ;D :y
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
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Oh, plus every joke I see here are the same tired old jokes from yesteryear...
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On those two words that Jaime used. I reckon the first one comes from the place where the first Africans that were enslaved came from, the Niger Delta. Easy to see how uneducated folk of the time would mispronounce Niger. The second one is obviously an abbreviation of Pakistani.
Not really that offensive in real terms, but people are very touchy these days. ;D
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On those two words that Jaime used. I reckon the first one comes from the place where the first Africans that were enslaved came from, the Niger Delta. Easy to see how uneducated folk of the time would mispronounce Niger. The second one is obviously an abbreviation of Pakistani.
Not really that offensive in real terms, but people are very touchy these days. ;D
True, but if I called a stranger a nigger or a paki, I'd rightly expect a good slap. Its like calling anyone a CU Next Tuesday, its offensive.
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Oh, plus every joke I see here are the same tired old jokes from yesteryear...
That is because you are old enough to have heard them all but not old enough to have Alzhiemers. ;)
When you do you will start drinking old speckled hen, watching dave and voting ukip. All the old jokes will then be new & funny ::)
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Oh, plus every joke I see here are the same tired old jokes from yesteryear...
Either you have just thrown down the gauntlet Or killed the thread. ;D ;D ;D
When you do you will start drinking old speckled hen, watching dave and voting ukip. All the old jokes will then be new & funny ;D ;D ;D
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Oh, plus every joke I see here are the same tired old jokes from yesteryear...
That is because you are old enough to have heard them all but not old enough to have Alzhiemers. ;)
When you do you will start drinking old speckled hen, watching dave and voting ukip. All the old jokes will then be new & funny ::)
That's 'dangle berries' ;D
From what I remember :P
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
T'was I. :P :P
But Lizzie knows I'm only joking. :-* :-* :-* :-*
Lizzie is my favourite OOF babe and the forum would be a poorer place without her erudite and articulate observations. :y
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
The queue seems relatively short..... ::) ::) :)
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
The queue seems relatively short..... ::) ::) :)
Oh come now Dr. I'm sure we wouldn't want to limit the supply of fine young fillies to the forum...? ;) ;D
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I hope its still ok to call Opti a carrot munching yokel, cos he is you know. ;D
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I hope its still ok to call Opti a carrot munching yokel, cos he is you know. ;D
Only if you want to flatter me. ;D ;D
Actually Steve,........Myself along with my inbred friends from Norfolk prefer the expression 'carrot cruncher' to 'carrot muncher'
Easy mistake to make. :y
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
The queue seems relatively short..... ::) ::) :)
Can't you get you hot sister-in-law on?
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I hope its still ok to call Opti a carrot munching yokel, cos he is you know. ;D
Only if you want to flatter me. ;D ;D
Actually Steve,........Myself along with my inbred friends from Norfolk prefer the expression 'carrot cruncher' to 'carrot muncher'
Easy mistake to make. :y
You can munch on my carrot........if you like..... ;D
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
T'was I. P
But Lizzie knows I'm only joking. :-* :-* :-* :-*
Lizzie is my favourite OOF babe and the forum would be a poorer place without her erudite and articulate observations. :y
I know darling Opti, and I am well used to that type of banter on here especially from you! ;D ;D :y
However, I agree with TB that I have been around long enough on the OOF to know when it is a joke or not. Other woman thinking of joining us seeing that May just change their minds. Others may also think it is a white, British, male, chauvinistic car grease eating forum and run a mile. All of us have to be careful as to what we so easily type on the keyboard so we can be seen as a open minded fun loving bunch who care for our Omega cars :y :y :y
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
The queue seems relatively short..... ::) ::) :)
Can't you get you hot sister-in-law on?
Sadly,TB, she is posh totty. She tends to own a series of expensive cars from 'ze fatherland'.
I've done my best to impress her with Omega ownership but all to no avail.
Women are fickle creatures. :-\
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I hope its still ok to call Opti a carrot munching yokel, cos he is you know. ;D
Only if you want to flatter me. ;D ;D
Actually Steve,........Myself along with my inbred friends from Norfolk prefer the expression 'carrot cruncher' to 'carrot muncher'
Easy mistake to make. :y
You can munch on my carrot........if you like..... ;D
Not while I have breath in my body.......pervert. :-X ;)
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Good. Don't want no more wimmin on 'ere. Trouble, they are. Look at the history of wimmin on 'ere.
Best get yerself a nice kia piquanto Lizzie. :P
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I hope its still ok to call Opti a carrot munching yokel, cos he is you know. ;D
Only if you want to flatter me. ;D ;D
Actually Steve,........Myself along with my inbred friends from Norfolk prefer the expression 'carrot cruncher' to 'carrot muncher'
Easy mistake to make. :y
You can munch on my carrot........if you like..... ;D
Not while I have breath in my body.......pervert. :-X ;)
Dead or alive.......I'm not fussy ;D
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The queue seems relatively short..... ::) ::) :)
Can't you get you hot sister-in-law on?
[/quote]
Sadly,TB, she is posh totty. She tends to own a series of expensive cars from 'ze fatherland'.
I've done my best to impress her with Omega ownership but all to no avail.
Women are fickle creatures. :-\
[/quote]
That last sentence is almost begging to be edited... where's Gollum when you need him ::)
But what you need is a flashy v8 coupe with a decent rear seat... now who had one of those... ::)
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/Admin on
The trouble with most jokes, is somebody has to be the butt of them - Irishmen, "niggers"*, disabled, women, religious people, cultures, "Paki"* etc.
Then the admin team have to use their own judgement on the level of malice intended, or just the reaction of the buttee...
Take this very thread - Lizzie Zoom should be in the kitchen cooking an cleaning. Now I've only met Lizzie once, and very briefly, sadly, but regulars will know that (hopefully) LZ won't take offence, and will come back and accept it in the manner it is intended. But what about a new lady member considering joining?
Remember, we are a global site, many jokes will likely offend somebody, so just think about how some may take a joke please. You cannot see body language like you can down the pub on a Friday night.
That said, fun is not cancelled, not by any means :y
* Sorry for the use of these words, it was to highlight a point. No offence intended.
T'was I. P
But Lizzie knows I'm only joking. :-* :-* :-* :-*
Lizzie is my favourite OOF babe and the forum would be a poorer place without her erudite and articulate observations. :y
I know darling Opti, and I am well used to that type of banter on here especially from you! ;D ;D :y
However, I agree with TB that I have been around long enough on the OOF to know when it is a joke or not. Other woman thinking of joining us seeing that May just change their minds. Others may also think it is a white, British, male, chauvinistic car grease eating forum and run a mile. All of us have to be careful as to what we so easily type on the keyboard so we can be seen as a open minded fun loving bunch who care for our Omega cars :y :y :y
I always did like you, Lizzie. :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?"
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes, Ma'am. We do."
The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"
"Well, yes Ma'am, we do. We have several that size."
Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"
"Well... Yes ma'am a few of them are about that big."
"D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?"
"Yes, Ma'am, one of them does."
" W-well h-how-w do y-you t-t-turn it o-off
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Now in my daft jokes folder :y ;D ;D ;D
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Now in my daft jokes folder :y ;D ;D ;D
:D :D :D :y