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« on: 28 February 2008, 16:01:47 »
A major earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter Scale hit in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Epicentre - Grimsby, Lincolnshire. News of the disaster was swiftly carried by 85,000 racing pigeons. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering, "blummin eck" and "chuffin nora". The earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementoes from Majorca were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed and many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Radio Grimsby reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered by the fact that something interesting had happened in the town.
One resident, Tracey-Sharon Braithwaite, a 15 year old mother of three said, "It was such a shock; my little Chardonnay -Britney came running into my bedroom crying, although my youngest two, Tyler-Brooklyn and Megan-Kylie slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning". However, on the positive side, mugging and car crime were carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight into the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings (which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Poundland).
How Can You Help?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after and those items needed most include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps; Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers); shell suits (female); white sport socks; Rockport boots and anything by Donnay; flat caps for the older generation.
Food parcels to accommodate the special dietary requirements may be harder to assemble but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Lidl baked beans and spaghetti hoops; Microwave meals; Asda Smartprice ice cream; black pudding; cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew
- Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation form
- £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine
- £5 will pay for a packet of Benson & Hedges and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected
- Tinned whippet food is also needed!
