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[M16]

Going out for the night we were dressed and ready to go out for the party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid b1tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat @ss downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

[M16]

Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally).
It can really begin to bother you after a while.

There was a fella in my office who was the ultimate offender.
I found a fairly easy fix for that, though.

I get my wife to call his desk when he's not there and leave a message like

"Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty boy. You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, would you?"

It is the last time you hear that particular speakerphone, I can assure you.

[M16]

LITTLE MARK ON MATHS  

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
Shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little MARK.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little MARK says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the
Wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

[amigov6]

& the moral of the story is?........................

[M16]

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved theproblem. As he was walking away,
I called after him, 'So, whatwas wrong?    He replied, 'It was an 'ID ten T' error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an IDten T error before?'
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figureit out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little sh1t...........

[Mr Skrunts]

PMSL Loved the one about the cat and the other with the wedding ring.  

[Entwood]

 

 

[Jimbob]

 

I use ID ten T alot at work