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Author Topic: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?  (Read 1156 times)

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Entwood

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Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« on: 03 December 2009, 22:28:51 »

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim
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Kevin Wood

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #1 on: 03 December 2009, 22:46:03 »

Very good. ;D

Kevin
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Jimbo B

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #2 on: 03 December 2009, 23:09:05 »

Very well put ;) ;) ;)
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Jimbob

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #3 on: 04 December 2009, 07:08:52 »

 ;D ;D ;D

Ken L

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #4 on: 04 December 2009, 07:29:22 »

A few months ago I went to my doctor with a complaint, and during the discussion I mentioned I had done a bit of research on the subject on the internet and said what I had learned about it, his answer was that he didn't recommend it, as a little knowledge without proper understanding and instruction could be a dangerous thing.

This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.
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Kevin Wood

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #5 on: 04 December 2009, 09:43:54 »

Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin
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waspy

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #6 on: 04 December 2009, 10:31:39 »

Quote
Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin


My question is "who wrote the bible, man or god"? If it was man, then who's to say he's right in what he says. If it was god, why haven't we heard from him since.

All a pipe of crap
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Chris_H

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #7 on: 04 December 2009, 10:40:43 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin


My question is "who wrote the bible, man or god"? If it was man, then who's to say he's right in what he says. If it was god, why haven't we heard from him since.

All a pipe of crap
The official answer to that is men quite clearly penned (quilled?) it but that the inspiration is God's.  A bit like a biography is written.
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Entwood

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #8 on: 04 December 2009, 12:19:35 »

Note to self .......

Don't post things you find humerous, apparently all will be taken as literal and argued over.

End note

:)
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Chris_H

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #9 on: 04 December 2009, 12:38:27 »

Quote
Note to self .......

Don't post things you find humerous, apparently all will be taken as literal and argued over.

End note

:)
I think that the joke was very good.  Even if you want to take it as a criticism of the Jewish Law, the re-writing of it in plain English with a bit of tongue-in-cheek and applying it to today's world is refreshing and hilarious.

Try googling any reasonably large chunk of it and you will find it has been cut-and-pasted in a lot of places!

Note to self.  Don't let other people stop you having your say!  :D
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waspy

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #10 on: 04 December 2009, 15:10:28 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin


My question is "who wrote the bible, man or god"? If it was man, then who's to say he's right in what he says. If it was god, why haven't we heard from him since.

All a pipe of crap
The official answer to that is men quite clearly penned (quilled?) it but that the inspiration is God's.  A bit like a biography is written.

So he spoke to them ::) Yeh right ;D

I am one those people that believes something when i see it for my self & until that day i won't.

It was written by men that want us to live our lives the way that they say. At the end of the day i don't need someone to say what i should do, i know the difference between right & wrong.
Usually i find religious people narrow minded & the most i've met are not interested in other views ::)
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Chris_H

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #11 on: 04 December 2009, 15:17:03 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin


My question is "who wrote the bible, man or god"? If it was man, then who's to say he's right in what he says. If it was god, why haven't we heard from him since.

All a pipe of crap
The official answer to that is men quite clearly penned (quilled?) it but that the inspiration is God's.  A bit like a biography is written.

So he spoke to them ::) Yeh right ;D

I am one those people that believes something when i see it for my self & until that day i won't.

It was written by men that want us to live our lives the way that they say. At the end of the day i don't need someone to say what i should do, i know the difference between right & wrong.
Usually i find religious people narrow minded & the most i've met are not interested in other views ::)
At the risk of infuriating Entwood.....

You're clearly older than me!  I've never met them.  ;D
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waspy

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #12 on: 04 December 2009, 16:33:22 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin


My question is "who wrote the bible, man or god"? If it was man, then who's to say he's right in what he says. If it was god, why haven't we heard from him since.

All a pipe of crap
The official answer to that is men quite clearly penned (quilled?) it but that the inspiration is God's.  A bit like a biography is written.

So he spoke to them ::) Yeh right ;D

I am one those people that believes something when i see it for my self & until that day i won't.

It was written by men that want us to live our lives the way that they say. At the end of the day i don't need someone to say what i should do, i know the difference between right & wrong.
Usually i find religious people narrow minded & the most i've met are not interested in other views ::)
At the risk of infuriating Entwood.....

You're clearly older than me!  I've never met them.  ;D

Only by two thousand years :D
« Last Edit: 04 December 2009, 16:33:36 by waspy »
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Chris_H

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Re: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
« Reply #13 on: 04 December 2009, 16:57:13 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
Quote
This above is another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing, funny though it may be to read, it shows a lack of understanding and true knowledge of what the bible really teach's.

Whilst I agree with you about the little knowledge thing, I think the main thing it shows is that interpretation is everything, and people use it to support what they are comfortable with.

Kevin


My question is "who wrote the bible, man or god"? If it was man, then who's to say he's right in what he says. If it was god, why haven't we heard from him since.

All a pipe of crap
The official answer to that is men quite clearly penned (quilled?) it but that the inspiration is God's.  A bit like a biography is written.

So he spoke to them ::) Yeh right ;D

I am one those people that believes something when i see it for my self & until that day i won't.

It was written by men that want us to live our lives the way that they say. At the end of the day i don't need someone to say what i should do, i know the difference between right & wrong.
Usually i find religious people narrow minded & the most i've met are not interested in other views ::)
At the risk of infuriating Entwood.....

You're clearly older than me!  I've never met them.  ;D

Only by two thousand years :D
Now you're lying about your age.  Two thousand years doesn't get you back to the bits that Orthodox Jews believe (desperately trying to link back to the OP).  You need to double that I'd say (or rumour would have it). ;)
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