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[Johnny English]

Mates,

I must talk about my issue with my wife's parents, I 'm feeling if I don't speak about this it'll make me ill soon...okay : me and my family are living in the same home with my wife's parents who are really hard cases both. Mother-in-law is continously whispering to wifey's ear to push her to get me spend a lot of money for the house. I'm not too enthusiastic with it as the life with them closely makes me crazy. My father-in-law is hard alcolohist who not only love to be drunk but he goes animal at time of drinking and talks and behaves brutally vulgary way.   We have a 2yrs old girlie  who can memorize these ugly words at once and not shy to use them occasionally of course mostly at the worst time/place... Mother-in-law's best gun is her alleged "illness",   which is used any time she thinks it's actual. Blood pressure, blood sugar level and so on  she's able to apply anythink for reaching the goal of her own. Nowadays her throat is the source of trouble (32^oC outside), which hurts so much that she can not wake up all the day. No bothered sometimes to immitate various mysterious disease in case of she needs any of advantage in any of situation... My wifey, poor, believes everythink her mother does or says but not me. I have a second skill and had been working as health masseur for 10yrs so I can take at first look if somebody feel bad or not and nobody shall want to explain me that m-i-l feels bad BUT moves quite fast, she has good appetite, her voice is strong and the colour of her face is absolutely normal. So to help them to make their dreams come true would be really correct stuff but I feel simply that I don't get anything for that and won't give them more money than I've done till now... We managed to collect some money for a house we could sell it soon but not if we spend any money for a house where we can't live our own life. I don't "make up"  I also like beer as well as the most average man although I drink strictly responsibly and never became animal, and rarely I also feel bad  though never would apply my statement for pushing somebody to do something that they don't want really...My father-in-law already drank off his mind, my mother-in-law is continously forcing my wife to stay at home together with "mom who needs just some careing"...Wifey is hesitating as she can't decide whether who right  her mother or me. That's briefly what I wanted...Phew...thanks for listening guys, if you have any advice,comment or opinion,  please don't get them back!        Laszlo       

[Kevin Wood]

It sounds like you need a plan to move out of there into a place of your own, Laszio.

Maybe you can convince your wife that this would be a good goal to aim for?

Helping your in-laws is all very well and good but the important things are your relationship with your wife and your daughter having a suitable home in which to grow up. Don't let these be compromised.

I too had a relative who, although in quite reasonable shape for her age, claimed to be suffering from a host of minor ailments that made it impossible for her to contribute to any work that was required in the household. Result? Her husband, who had had a number of heart attacks and related serious issues, did the whole lot. Callous though it may be, I was glad that he survived her by a few years so he could get a chance to do a few things that he wanted rather than constantly looking after her. 

Things will look easier when you're not immersed in it, and, as long as you don't move too far away, you and your wife will be able to help on your own terms out without getting emotionally entangled with it all.

Mother-in-laws, eh?

[Johnny English]

yes, would be good to move. I'm really angry when see that my mother-in-law is not interested in keeping herself in good condition, doesn't take her compulsory blood press pills and wait untill the next dizzy arrive. The blind sees too so obvious that she wants to hold her daughter at home...

[cleggy]

Move out  for your own sanity and if your good lady won't agree then you know where her interests lie.

Sorry to be so blunt but you have to meet these things head on.

[Rods2]

Agree with Kevin, the goal must be to get your own place. Not too close so the mother-in-law and your wife are still living in each others pockets, but not so far that she can't visit her mother once or twice a week.

It sounds to me that your mother-in-law is scared of being on her own with a drunk husband without the support of you and your wife. Which is why she is playing these health games. You must be selfish and strong and put your marriage and your wife's and and especially your daughter's well being first. A drunk, foul mouthed Grandad is not a good role model for your daughter to copy.

If your wife is reluctant to leave, then explain to her that this is not the right conditions to bring up your daughter and that she already has bad habits with words and also if her mother needs help you are still close by and only a phone call away.

If your wife is not convinced then take your wife and daughter on a family holiday for a few days, so she can see that your mother-in-law can survive without you being there and also how much better your lives and relationship is without the constant strain of your father-in-law's problems.

When you have got your own house, just make sure if the mother-in-law stays for a few days, that she always sleeps on the sofa, so she understands it is temporary, other wise the stay may become permanent. 

You will find once you and your family have moved out, the relationship between your mother-in-law and your wife will change for the better as it will be much more on the basis of friends and equals.

I hope this is of help and good luck in getting your own place and resolving your family problems.

[ZacVegas]

As your subject suggests "Private Issues" why have you put it on here for all to see

[cleggy]

As your subject suggests "Private Issues" why have you put it on here for all to see

Maybe just sometimes you need to get something off your chest and here is as good a place as any.

[cem_devecioglu]

Lazslo, I agree with Kevin and Rods..
 
here is a saying and I will try to translate ..
 
"a house within/inside another cant be build".. convince your wife and leave this home.. or your marriage wont last long.. mine couldnt

[hercules]

As your subject suggests "Private Issues" why have you put it on here for all to see

Maybe just sometimes you need to get something off your chest and here is as good a place as any.

twice right cleggy,j english move out 

[Marie]

hia firstly a problem shared is a problem aired.

i understand where you are coming from and aggree with the boys you really need to get your OH away from her mother long enough for the little voice in her ear to not take over.

My mother and farther have drink issues and for years i have beeen subjected to there behaviour and mouths.

i went a little drastic and cut all contact then slowly started to talk to them againuntil the drink took over then id stop talking to them

good luck and i can simpathse with you.

we are here if you need to vent again

[OOMV6]

The cold harsh reality is simple, yet sometimes difficult to deal with in reality. You need to look out for yourself, look after number one and those closest. Families can be complex and game playing does complicate it further.

So move out as soon as possible. As far as possible. Grown up children do not have a responsibility to look after their parents, especially drunk ones and especially when they have young children of their own to look after. The reality is her parents will survive without you .... And if for any reason they don't, they won't even if you stay.
Be strong and follow what you feel is right or be weak and stay  put to please others. Your wife will need to share this attitude for you both to succeed.
Good luck

[Johnny English]

Thanks for sincere words guys, we'll move out as soon as we can! I feel much better that I could talk about my problem and got a lot of independent comment, which support me in my intention to be a bit selfish for the future of my girlie...All of you suggest me doing what I want free that means for me that I don't make too big mistake... 

[blackviper90210]

As your subject suggests "Private Issues" why have you put it on here for all to see

Give the guy a break!

Yes it is a private issue, but he was needing some independant advice from people who do not know him and so, as such, is still private.

He is stuck between a rock and a hard place and needed an ear!!     We've all been there!


Laszlo, imo, Kevin hit the nail on the head.  I wish you and your family all the best

[Johnny English]

Must admit I've started hesitating under this emotional weight that whether I"m not right and go on wrong way... but luckily asked you Mates on time and I did nothing that would be unforgivable later in connection with the house buying...If we have a meet at some pub the first round will be mine!   

[STMO123]

You can get any amount of free advice Laslo, but the final decision must be yours. People on here can't possibly know all of your circumstances but, in general, my advice would be: Make your mind up what it is you want/need to do and stick to it.
If you waver back and forth you will never get to where you want to be. If it's 100% your decision then there will be no blame game to play later on.


Good luck.