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[MR MISTER]

......or should I see a doctor?

I've noticed that I am having a spot of bother controlling my bottie burps recently. Quite often, when I cough, I fart. If I burst out laughing, I fart. If I bend down to pick something up, I fart.
It's ok, I guess, everyone farts. It's the involuntary bit that bothers me.
I was out walking my dog earlier and met a nice old lady walking hers. My dog gets tired after a while and, being a spoilt bastard, expects me to pick her up and carry her for a little while. I bent down to pick her up and, as I rose, a grandaddy escaped from my arsehole. Little old lady didn't say anything but squirmed a bit. I felt quite bad for her but, of course, couldn't say anything.  I don't know which of us was most embarrased. I know her husband too and I just know she will tell him. " I met that fella with the westie tonight and the dirty bastard nearly shat himself."
Is it normal?

[omega3000]

Just blame the dog or ....


These mite help 

[MR MISTER]

Just blame the dog or ....


These mite help 

They might help with the smell, but I don't see a silencer.

[symes]

Just blame the dog or ....


These mite help 

only get genuine parts--patern ones are---er----well -----pants

[05omegav6]

Have a look here

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/incontinence/Pages/Incontinenceproducts.aspx

Might also help with slippage spillage (always confuse those two )

 

[MR MISTER]

Thanks guys. This is a really great forum.

[05omegav6]

Here to help

[Sir Tigger KC]

Did you ever send off that poop testing kit? 

[MR MISTER]

Did you ever send off that poop testing kit? 

Yep. All clear.

[Rods2]

According to Lord Ashton the Conservative Party chairman, just don't use this bad combination of tablets: Laxatives and sleeping pills. 

[tigers_gonads]

Don't worry, its only a problem when you follow through and shit the bed 

Oh hang on you .............

[TheBoy]

Look on the bright side, at least, this time, Mrs STEMO doesn't have to lovingly hand wash your usually heavily soiled smalls.

[MR MISTER]

Look on the bright side, at least, this time, Mrs STEMO doesn't have to lovingly hand wash your usually heavily soiled smalls.

Mrs STEMO is a bit like you. She wouldn't know to turn the washing machine on.

[Sir Tigger KC]

Look on the bright side, at least, this time, Mrs STEMO doesn't have to lovingly hand wash your usually heavily soiled smalls.

Mrs STEMO is a bit like you. She wouldn't know to turn the washing machine on.

That's probably just as well.  You at least get to keep a shred of dignity by washing your own shitty smalls and sheets!   

[MR MISTER]

Look on the bright side, at least, this time, Mrs STEMO doesn't have to lovingly hand wash your usually heavily soiled smalls.

Mrs STEMO is a bit like you. She wouldn't know to turn the washing machine on.

That's probably just as well.  You at least get to keep a shred of dignity by washing your own shitty smalls and sheets!   

Dignity? I've got a fourteen year old lad, his mars bars are a sight to behold.