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[dave the builder]

I have one of these clicky
(which you can buy from ebay from china for about £25 )

along with 8 HD 1500 TVL cctv caneras and an alarm that a rings me if a fire or intruder sets it off

apparently i'm not allowed razor wire,electric fence or land mines 

[Kevin Wood]

"The police could arrive in minutes" - flying pigs?

Ron.

..in a parallel universe where they are interested in offences other than speeding, clearly.   

[Migv6 le Frog Fan]

They could arrive in minutes to your burglary. You just need to whack the burglar on the back of the head with a baseball bat.
He will get sympathy and a bandage, you will get 9 months.

[dave the builder]

They could arrive in minutes to your burglary. You just need to whack the burglar on the back of the head with a baseball bat.
He will get sympathy and a bandage, you will get 9 months.

he had a knife from my kitchen drawer ,look .... it's in his hand !
I had to smash his head to pulp defend myself 

[STEMO]

They could arrive in minutes to your burglary. You just need to whack the burglar on the back of the head with a baseball bat.
He will get sympathy and a bandage, you will get 9 months.

he had a knife from my kitchen drawer ,look .... it's in his hand !
I had to smash his head to pulp defend myself 

If someone comes in to my in the middle of the night uninvited, he's going to get whatever I can lay my hands on. If that's a 12" kitchen knife, so be it. The police can talk till they're blue in the face, but the safety of my wife and son overrides the wellbeing of any scrote who burgles houses.

[Bigron]

An old story, not sure if it's true or not......
Man phoning police - "There is a burglar on my premises"
Police - "Sorry sir, we don't have anyone available for several hours"
Man - "I caught him and think I've killed him"
Minutes later, a police car arrives at his house.
Man to police - "I thought you didn't have anyone available?"
Police - "We came to arrest you, not the burglar!"

Ron.

[Auto Addict]

Thanks for all your comments and advice, at the minute I think I'll carry on with my present set up, wired door chime and knocker.

Even with this set up, some delivery men rap on my door with their knuckles.

[Marks DTM Calib]

Thanks for all your comments and advice, at the minute I think I'll carry on with my present set up, wired door chime and knocker.

Even with this set up, some delivery men rap on my door with their knuckles.

That's not their knuckles on the door, its their knuckles on the floor!

[Rods2]

"The police can give you a crime number"

Ron.

FTFY

[TheBoy]

What's wrong with knockers?

 knockers.   Childish I know.

They can look a little uninviting, though:

I prefer what BG was thinking

[aaronjb]

I prefer what BG was thinking

Well, Jennifer Connelly did grow up good...