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[Nick W]

I gave up playing aged 17 because a) I'd never been on the side that won in 7 years and b) I used to see stars after EVERY tackle.  Doctor suggested my brain might prefer not to be smashed against my skull 10 times a week.

I hated the bloody game from the first moment they made me play it in January 82(I started at the grammar school on crutches, half a term late). Apparently I should be a prop, which involves bending over with a dwarf hanging off your shoulder while your teammate attempts to dislocate your hip with his shoulder. Then there's a lot of running around, throwing and (supposedly) catching the ball and sliding in the mud while trying to keep somebody else's boots out of your face.


I soon developed the technique of dropping the ball if it came near me and being utterly hopeless.


It turned out I was hopeless at hockey too, but it was enjoyable.


Nobody ever managed to explain the rules of cricket, so I spent the summer afternoons bored silly while occasionally dodging missiles heading in my direction.


There's something about ball games that eludes me; whether I have to catch it or hit it with a bat/racquet/cue/stick/foot/head/whatever I struggle to do it. Doing them as a team is even worse.

[Kevin Wood]

A man after my own heart.
In games lessons at school they used to call me "the statue".

[Bigron]

Nick, Kevin - I have similar stories, starting way back when I was first to play football at primary school. Like Nick, nobody explained the rules to me and I had never watched a football game (no telly at home), so when they made m,e centre forward, I simply kicked the ball forwards, obviously?
After being ridiculed and bashed, they told me that I should have passed the ball to the player adjacent to me.
Now, my thoughts were that if they wanted him to have the ball, WTF didn't they let him have it in the first place?
Stupid game, which I dicovered later was played by stupid. overpaid morons!

Ron.

[aaronjb]

Nick, Kevin .. are you both me? That sounds like my time at school, too. Football - "go in goal" (because you can't run); except I can't stop a ball, either. Cricket - "you go square leg" (pardon?); great, but if by poor luck the ball heads in my direction, I can't throw it far enough to get back to you etc, etc.

I`d first try & dazzle you with yellow streak running down the middle of my back 

Better than a streak of yellow running down your inside leg .. which is what I'd have if Guffers was running toward me

[Kevin Wood]

Nick, Kevin .. are you both me? That sounds like my time at school, too. Football - "go in goal" (because you can't run); except I can't stop a ball, either. Cricket - "you go square leg" (pardon?); great, but if by poor luck the ball heads in my direction, I can't throw it far enough to get back to you etc, etc.

I`d first try & dazzle you with yellow streak running down the middle of my back 

Better than a streak of yellow running down your inside leg .. which is what I'd have if Guffers was running toward me

Only time I got my own back was when they put me in for the 200m breast stroke at sports day for a laugh, no doubt. Unbeknownst to anyone else, "the statue" had been taught to swim by a military instructor at the command baths in Aldershot, and was pretty good.   

[Doctor Gollum]

My first experience of playing rugby was as a blind 9 year old wearing glasses the year after my parents divorced. My Dad was the teacher and he insisted that I took my glasses off in order to play knowing full well that I couldn't see past the end of my nose.

Didn't end well, and the rugby was so good either

Growing up, I had the hand eye coordination of a drunk zebra. Fortunately, by the time I got to secondary school I could swim well and run reasonably fast, my specialities being cross country and 4/8/1500 meters although the thought of running even 4 meters brings out a sweat nowadays 

[Sir Tigger KC]

The games teacher at my school had his favourites and I certainly wasn't one of them as I tended to 'forget' my kit on cold wet winter days.   

As a consequence during the rugby season he used to put me in the front row, which I don't have the build for and used to get mashed into the mud! So I 'forgot' my kit more often as the brief pain and humiliation of the slipper was preferable and got to hang around in the warm and dry changing rooms with the other naer-do-wells playing poker!  Which of course is a game! 

In hindsight I probably could have been a useful scrum-half or winger, but was never encouraged in that direction, as I guess I got in a vicious cycle with the games teacher. 

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Cross country running at the grammar school I attended consisted of a loop that went twice past the tobacconist.

Even as a 12 year old it didn't take long for a few friends and myself to go in 'the ciggy shop' buy 10 Players No6 and then sit on the wall with a fag on the go until the less enterprising kids came around for a second time. We would then tag on the end.

[Kevin Wood]

Only time I appreciated games lessons was when they decided that my time would be better spent learning Latin.

[Andy B]

After just about getting my head around rugby at school, as an apprentice I was thrown the ball & held onto it .... like I'd done at school ... but was then screamed at for not getting rid of the bloody thing. HTF was I to know there were two versions of rugby? 

[Bigron]

I don't know if it applied to your schooldays, Kevin, but Latin was an entry requirement for Universities in my time, so I took the subject. I didn't get into University, but iot allowed me the occasional "showing off" of my meagre knowledge of Latin!

Ron.

[Doctor Gollum]

Ego sum Dominus was a catchphrase of one of my school friends... He never got bullied for that. Much...

[Kevin Wood]

Nope. Latin was pretty much as pointless as games when I was at school. I remember our latin teacher seemed really old (she was probably about 50, but, from the perspective of a 15 year old...!). Every time someone muttered "Dead Language" under their breath she used to say with a frail cackle "Latin's as alive and living as I am today!". Oh, how we chuckled.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Nope. Latin was pretty much as pointless as games when I was at school. I remember our latin teacher seemed really old (she was probably about 50, but, from the perspective of a 15 year old...!). Every time someone muttered "Dead Language" under their breath she used to say with a frail cackle "Latin's as alive and living as I am today!". Oh, how we chuckled.

20 years past her sell by date in Logan's run.

[Bigron]

Flecti non frangi, DG?

Ron.