On a lighter note....

[STEMO]

Fugitive caught after blowing his cover with fart https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-52577485

[dave the builder]

I guess the police have rounded up a few wanted criminals over the last few weeks
because they will all be at home under lock-down 
shoplifting and football hooliganism is right down 
BUT apparently all the supermarkets are rammed round here ,
so it must be monday already