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[mantahatch]

Just lately there has been a rash of underage drinking in our area, and we where/are concerned about our eldest.
He is normally pretty good for a 15 year old but then I heard his mate had to be collected by his parents for being drunk.
Then the worst has happened. Last Friday evening we get the call to collect our son from the local youth club drunk.
Frankly it was not pleasant. But by talking to other parents and my wife's detective work she has found out who bought the drink and where he bought it from. (witnessed him trying to buy more drink from another shop)
Now I don't want to be funny or anything but should we inform Police or trading standards about this person and the shop selling it to him. We do no he is only 17, but will it get worse when he can buy it legally when he turns 18. This person does have a small mental incapacity in which he looks like man but generally behaves like a 12 year old.

Any advice greatly received, and apologies for the length of the post.

Mike
  

[matt-sboro]

if he is going to start drinking why dont you try to control it

i.e. let him know that if he is going to drink then you need to know - that sort of thing. if you cant stop him then at least know when and where he is drinking.

more responsibility with alcohol may mean he respects it more and doesnt go out getting drunk every night with mates in the park.

just a thought

[mantahatch]

if he is going to start drinking why dont you try to control it

i.e. let him know that if he is going to drink then you need to know - that sort of thing. if you cant stop him then at least know when and where he is drinking.

more responsibility with alcohol may mean he respects it more and doesnt go out getting drunk every night with mates in the park.

just a thought

Sorry should have added, we thought we had done the reasonable thing of allowing him a glass of wine with a meal, and maybe one can or small bottle of lager at a barbecue etc.

Mike

[Danny]

i'd say definately report both the youth and the shop!

if you report the shop he'll just go elsewhere

i was a very responsible teenager (sh*t scared of getting in trouble off anyone and not wanting to let parents down), but alot of my mates were idiots and liars, thankfully i managed not to get sucked in to their behaviour but could still enjoy myself when out with them, its unfortunate that your son felt the need to join in, the usual peer pressure most likely, but my mate ended up having his stomach pumped and i'm sure you dont want that!

there's probably no way of stopping him drinking if he can get it, but he needs to learn the difference in consequences between a few cans of strongbow or whatever they go for, and a litre of vodka!

[bob.dent]

Mike, I would definitely report the shop owner. By selling booze to underage kids he's causing a social problem. Once some of these kids get drink in them they become brave and idiotic, quite often resulting in vandalism, attacks on innocent people, abusive behaviour etc. etc. just because some greedy barsteward of a shop keeper wants to make some extra bucks out of them. Not to say your son is likely to get up to any of those things but you never know. :-/

[theowletman]

It's one of those really difficult situations. Because alcohol is out of bounds to youngsters they drink it because it is out of bounds. Remember CB radios, couldn't get enough when they were illegal, make them legal and the thrill disappears. Control is the word, you will never stop it all together so a sensible amount is the way ahead.

[Dusty]

No one should sell alcohol to underage drinkers, so I would report the Shop keeper. They can have their license removed.

As to the youth who purchased the alcohol, you could report him, but I don't know what good it will do as he will soon be 18.

The only other advice that I can give is that hopefully this is just a one off, and your son has learnt his lesson. I don't think he will be repeating this embarassing episode for some time soon

 

[amigov6]

Tricky one. The seller deserves to prosecuted but you run the risk of of him facing retribution or alienation from his mates which might not seem important to you as a parent but matters when you're 15. Softly softly is the best bet here or he may pull away from you. don't ban him from drinking full stop but try to show the difference between use & abuse.
    Not easy with a 15 yr old i know.

[mantahatch]

No one should sell alcohol to underage drinkers, so I would report the Shop keeper. They can have their license removed.

As to the youth who purchased the alcohol, you could report him, but I don't know what good it will do as he will soon be 18.

The only other advice that I can give is that hopefully this is just a one off, and your son has learnt his lesson. I don't think he will be repeating this embarassing episode for some time soon

 

He was as "sick as a dog" so to speak so hopefully it will not be repeated. Wife went hypersonic, I could have beat his brains out at the time. I have tried to adopt the attitude of "boys will be boys" but wife is still 2 foot of the ground  

Mike

[mantahatch]

Tricky one. The seller deserves to prosecuted but you run the risk of of him facing retribution or alienation from his mates which might not seem important to you as a parent but matters when you're 15. Softly softly is the best bet here or he may pull away from you. don't ban him from drinking full stop but try to show the difference between use & abuse.
    Not easy with a 15 yr old i know.

Agreed that acceptance from mates is very important at that age. Fortunatly for him he is not aware of what my wife has discovered, and we will not tell him that we no who it was.

Mike

[mantahatch]

Mike, I would definitely report the shop owner. By selling booze to underage kids he's causing a social problem. Once some of these kids get drink in them they become brave and idiotic, quite often resulting in vandalism, attacks on innocent people, abusive behaviour etc. etc. just because some greedy barsteward of a shop keeper wants to make some extra bucks out of them. Not to say your son is likely to get up to any of those things but you never know. :-/

Agree about the violence and vandalism aspect, we are lucky in that my wife's family is huge and his face is well known around the village, so if he was seen doing anything like that we would definatly hear about it.
Generally he is a very caring nipper, you should see him with our 16 year old cat, soft and daft. And he has 2 sets of grandparents who spend plenty of time with him, and he does respect older people.
We have many discussions in the family on all sorts of subjects and he is well aware he can come to me with any problem. I have talked openly with him in the past about drink, drugs, sex and families to name a few subjects. I thought we where doing a reasonable job, but this has knocked our confidence somewhat.

Mike

[mantahatch]

i'd say definately report both the youth and the shop!

if you report the shop he'll just go elsewhere

i was a very responsible teenager (sh*t scared of getting in trouble off anyone and not wanting to let parents down), but alot of my mates were idiots and liars, thankfully i managed not to get sucked in to their behaviour but could still enjoy myself when out with them, its unfortunate that your son felt the need to join in, the usual peer pressure most likely, but my mate ended up having his stomach pumped and i'm sure you dont want that!

there's probably no way of stopping him drinking if he can get it, but he needs to learn the difference in consequences between a few cans of strongbow or whatever they go for, and a litre of vodka!

I hope it was only peer pressure that made him do it. He was lucky his body rejected the drink making him throw up constantly and so the pump was not needed.

Mike

[Andy B]

......
 I thought we where doing a reasonable job, but this has knocked our confidence somewhat.

Mike

Don't beat yourself up about it though, and don't blame yourselves. I don't have any answers cos we've been in a simlar situation but with dope. Both kids brought up the same but poles apart as regard the way they've both turned out. ....... 1 ..... 2 .......3  

[jereboam]

Don't really think you can stop teenagers from experimenting with alcohol.  With luck, he'll learn to control his drinking (or just to hold his drink) and it won't be a problem.  Then he'll go off to college and drink even more, and you won't even know about it.  And then he'll turn into a model citizen and will hardly ever drink, and certainly never be seen drunk.

I think that you'll just have to accept the fact that there will be evenings when he rolls in at 2am, stands there swaying in the breeze and stinking like a brewery and looks you in the eye and swears that he's only had half a pint of shandy all evening.  Ignore the fact that he spends the remainder of the night with his head stuck down the toilet bowl.  They're all the same, and I'm sure we were too.

And I wouldn't bother to report either the buyer or the shop - there's so many other sources of illicit alcohol acquisition that it won't really make any difference.

[cem_devecioglu]

Don't really think you can stop teenagers from experimenting with alcohol.  With luck, he'll learn to control his drinking (or just to hold his drink) and it won't be a problem.  Then he'll go off to college and drink even more, and you won't even know about it.  And then he'll turn into a model citizen and will hardly ever drink, and certainly never be seen drunk.

I think that you'll just have to accept the fact that there will be evenings when he rolls in at 2am, stands there swaying in the breeze and stinking like a brewery and looks you in the eye and swears that he's only had half a pint of shandy all evening.  Ignore the fact that he spends the remainder of the night with his head stuck down the toilet bowl.  They're all the same, and I'm sure we were too.

And I wouldn't bother to report either the buyer or the shop - there's so many other sources of illicit alcohol acquisition that it won't really make any difference.

totally agreed..