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Author Topic: Joke time  (Read 2061 times)

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bob.dent

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #15 on: 30 October 2008, 22:18:00 »
An undertaker says to a bereaved husband "when did you realise your wife was dead?" "Well" the husband replies "the sex was the same so it must have been the dishes piling up". [smiley=evil.gif]
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Phil B

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #16 on: 30 October 2008, 22:21:24 »
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An undertaker says to a bereaved husband "when did you realise your wife was dead?" "Well" the husband replies "the sex was the same so it must have been the dishes piling up". [smiley=evil.gif]

Hehehehe  :y
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bob.dent

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #17 on: 30 October 2008, 22:25:53 »
Boy comes home with a big smile on his face and says "hi Mum, Hi Dad guess what, I just had sex for the first time". Dad says "thats great son, to celebrate I'll buy you that bike you wanted but you'll have to wait until payday". Son says "thats ok Dad, my ar$e is too sore to ride it anyway"  ;D ;D ;D
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amigov6

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #18 on: 30 October 2008, 22:26:43 »
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A little guy is sat at the bar when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "thats kung fu from Japan" ,the man is shocked but does nothing,a few moments later the thug smacks him again and says "thats karate from Korea" the little guy gets up and leaves the bar.A short time later he walks straight back in and smacks the thug,knocking him out cold! and turns to the barman and says "when he wakes up,tell him that was a shovel from B&Q!"

 ;D ;D ;D
Always liked that one :y When i first heard it the punchline was "tell him that was an Morris Oxford starting handle"!!
    Spent (or miss spent ) my young silly days in Worthing! :y
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unlucky alf

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #19 on: 30 October 2008, 23:04:03 »
a 10 year old boy comes down from his bedroom & says to his father,"dad,ive been watching telly in my room & can you tell me what lovejuice is?", his father gets very embarrased but thinks he`d better tell him, "well son, when you get a bit older you will start going out with girls, then you will start by kissing them, then after a while you will start exploring her body, first with the boobs then eventually you will put your hand down her knickers, when you do that you will find your fingers wet & sticky & that is lovejuice",,,,then the father asks "anyway son,what the hell are you watching up there?",,,the son says "tennis dad!!"
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waspy

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #20 on: 30 October 2008, 23:09:41 »
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two nuns out on a pushbike ride, going down some old narrow streets they eventually go down a cobbled street, one of the nuns says" ive never come this way before", the other nun says "oh really? it must be the cobbles!!" ;)

They're all good, but this one's  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y :y
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pete.h

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #21 on: 31 October 2008, 00:11:28 »
A middle aged woman is standing naked in front of the bedroom mirror.
"I'm getting fat and wrinkly and everything's sagging to the floor. Say something nice about me to cheer me up" , she says to her husband who is lying on the bed.
"Your eyesight's 100% perfect " , he replies.
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Vamps

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #22 on: 31 October 2008, 01:29:21 »
Quote
A middle aged woman is standing naked in front of the bedroom mirror.
"I'm getting fat and wrinkly and everything's sagging to the floor. Say something nice about me to cheer me up" , she says to her husband who is lying on the bed.
"Your eyesight's 100% perfect " , he replies.

 ;D ;D ;D :y
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pete.h

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Re: Joke time
« Reply #23 on: 31 October 2008, 14:57:43 »
Heard this one about 40 years ago, so I should think most of you know it , but here goes anyway.

Woman goes into a pet shop and says "have you got any parrots?"

"Well I've got one " says the owner " but the trouble is he's got no legs, so he has to wrap his dick round the perch so he doesn't fall off"

"Ok", says the woman "can he talk?"     "Yeah brilliant talker" comes the reply.

Anyway the woman buys the parrot and takes him home, but next day brings it back to the shop, saying she's changed her mind.

The owner, who quite likes the parrot for company, gives her her money back , and when she's gone, the parrot says to him , "Blimey she's a right one she is"

"Why what happened" asks the owner.

"Well this bloke came round for a meal last night and afterwards they sat on the sofa and started kissing" says the parrot.

"Yeah, then what happened?" says the owner.

"Then he started taking her blouse off"replies the parrot

"Yeah, yeah and then what" says the owner.

"Well then he took her bra off" the parrot says.

"Cor blimey , then what happened? " shouts the owner.

"I dunno , I fell off me perch " replies the parrot
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