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[Mr Skrunts]

2 days of trying to organises home renovations over the phone, and all I get is . . . Someone will call you back, and have they?

Am sat here after, playing games, doing paperwork....now I want a change.

Please post up some jokes, funnies, game links and help stop me from going mad.

[dbug]

2 days of trying to organises home renovations over the phone, and all I get is . . . Someone will call you back, and have they?

Am sat here after, playing games, doing paperwork....now I want a change.

Please post up some jokes, funnies, game links and help stop me from going mad.

Try this m8 . . .

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers,
Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, they are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
Yes, you see them and they make you cry'.
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
Well dear, a man goes through three phases:
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After 50, it is like a Christmas tree'.
A Christmas tree?'
Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration'

[dbug]

Or this on a more serious note :-/

The Value of a Drink

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame.    Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams  .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. '

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?    I think not.'

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!'

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.'

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the ' Buffalo Theory' to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

[cem_devecioglu]

sorry , I was too busy with end of year calculations..Now see your thread

[Sad]

Following on from dbug:

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[MindlessJD]

Hehe these are all brilliant!

Made me laugh as I'm bored too.  :-/

 

[Mr Skrunts]

cheers guys, keep em coming.

[cem_devecioglu]

some autumn pictures
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/10/days_of_autumn.html

[cem_devecioglu]

and some winter pictures
http://www.xemanh.net/winter-sonata-beautiful-winter-landscapes

[Mr Skrunts]

Cheers for the pics cem

Not quite what I was expecting but excellent pics never the less

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I have just found some pictures of Angelina Jolie .......starkers   .......so .....get ready......watch this space........a real treat is on it's way to you............

[Mr Skrunts]

I have just found some pictures of Angelina Jolie .......starkers   .......so .....get ready......watch this space........a real treat is on it's way to you............

Are they the chainlink fence ones?

[Richie London]

i have a first aid training video of paris hilton giving mouth to mouth ressucitaion with a mans p***s.  

[nick v6]

http://www.go-red.co.uk/game/red-driving-game.htm

try the parking game
not easy as the car is bigger than the parking space :-?
i got a total of 55%

[Mr Skrunts]

i have a first aid training video of paris hilton giving mouth to mouth ressucitaion with a mans p***s.  

I seen the same thing that Pammy Anderson made when she got mrried.