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Author Topic: IT Issues  (Read 1050 times)

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dbug

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IT Issues
« on: 29 January 2009, 22:23:12 »

Tech support:   What kind of computer do you have?            
                                                                            
Female customer:   A white one...                      
                                                            
****************************************************
                                                                            
Customer:   Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.        
Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the Button?              
Customer:  Yes, sure, it's really stuck.                  
Tech support:  That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.          
Customer:  No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on   my desk... sorry....                            
                                                                            
****************************************************
                                                                            
Tech support:  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the  
screen.                                  
Customer:  Your left or my left?                      
                                                                            
****************************************************
                                                                            
Tech support:  Good day. How may I help you?                
Male customer:   Hello... I can't print.                  
Tech support: Would you click on 'start'  for me and...          
Customer:  Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill  
Gates.    
       ****************************************************                                                                                      
Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it say s 'Can't find printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...                                
  ****************************************************                                                                                      
Customer:  I have problems printing in red..                
Tech support:  Do you have a color printer?                
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.  
    ****************************************************          
Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am?              
Customer:   A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woollies.      
                                                                            
****************************************************
Customer:   My keyboard is not working anymore.              
Tech support:  Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?        
Customer:  No. I can't get behind the computer.              
Tech support:  Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.        
Customer:   OK                              
Tech support:   Did the keyboard come with you?              
Customer:  Yes                              
Tech support:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?                                  
Customer:  Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...                                                                            

****************************************************                                                                            
Tech support:   Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.                
Customer:  Is that 7 in capital letters ?                  
                                                                              
 ****************************************************
                                                                            
Customer:  can't get on the Internet.                    
Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password?          
Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.            
Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was?            
Customer:  Five stars.                          
 ***************************************************            Tech support:   What anti-virus program do you use?            
Customer:  Netscape.                            
Tech support:  That's not an anti-virus program.              
Customer:  Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
 ***************************************************    
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.                                                          
 ***************************************************    
Tech support:  How may I help you?                    
Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail.                  
Tech support:  OK,  and what seems to be the problem?            
Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get  
the circle around it?
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dbug

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #1 on: 29 January 2009, 22:26:48 »

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.  
Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?              
Customer:  'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  printer is working fine'
****************************************************
 And last but not least...                          
                                                                            
Tech support: 'Okay John, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. Tha t brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'            
Customer:  I don't have a P.                        
Tech support:  On your keyboard, John.                  
Customer:   What do you mean?                        
Tech support:  'P'.....on your keyboard, John.              
Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!                    
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MindlessJD

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #2 on: 29 January 2009, 22:48:25 »

Quote
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.  
Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?              
Customer:  'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  printer is working fine'
****************************************************
 And last but not least...                          
                                                                            
Tech support: 'Okay John, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. Tha t brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'            
Customer:  I don't have a P.                        
Tech support:  On your keyboard, John.                  
Customer:   What do you mean?                        
Tech support:  'P'.....on your keyboard, John.              
Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
                   

Haha - definately the best one!

 :y
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Sad

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #3 on: 30 January 2009, 08:39:02 »

 ;D ;D ;D
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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #4 on: 30 January 2009, 08:56:09 »

My fav of all time:

Woman:  Hi, my coffee cup holder on my PC is broken.
Tech Support:  What do you mean?  Which model do you have?
Woman:  Its a Dell.
Tech Support:  And it has a coffee cup holder?
Woman:  Yup, it used to open and close but now it wont hold my cups at all, I think its broken.
Tech Support:  Can you describe it to me?  Are there any markings or a company logo...?
Woman:  Yes I think its made by a company called CD-ROM

 :-X
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TheBoy

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #5 on: 30 January 2009, 09:04:38 »

You may jest, but working, as I do, in Milton Keynes - the capital city of Stupid People - I have seen not dissimilar stories with my own eyes.


(Now that I have upset all our North Bucks members, I'd like to add, and I'm sure they will all agree with me, that not everyone in MK is stupid, but it does have a disproportionally high number of incredibly stupid people)
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cem_devecioglu

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #6 on: 30 January 2009, 09:21:50 »

Quote
You may jest, but working, as I do, in Milton Keynes - the capital city of Stupid People - I have seen not dissimilar stories with my own eyes.


(Now that I have upset all our North Bucks members, I'd like to add, and I'm sure they will all agree with me, that not everyone in MK is stupid, but it does have a disproportionally high number of incredibly stupid people)

same here..

one time I send a 5 1/4 diskette in a carton case to a customer..and attach a note "call me when you take".. >:(

he called me..says cant insert the the thing in the floppy..

I said normal take the carton ..

says I take outside now what am I supoosed to do with that cylindrical thingy   :-? :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D :D
« Last Edit: 30 January 2009, 09:22:21 by cem_devecioglu »
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cem_devecioglu

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #7 on: 30 January 2009, 09:26:06 »

Quote

Customer:  can't get on the Internet.                    
Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password?          
Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.            
Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was?            
Customer:  Five stars.  


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.  
Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?              
Customer:  'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  printer is working fine'
****************************************************
 And last but not least...                          
                                                                            
Tech support: 'Okay John, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. Tha t brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'            
Customer:  I don't have a P.                        
Tech support:  On your keyboard, John.                  
Customer:   What do you mean?                        
Tech support:  'P'.....on your keyboard, John.              
Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!                    
;D ;D :y
« Last Edit: 30 January 2009, 09:27:04 by cem_devecioglu »
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dbug

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #8 on: 30 January 2009, 10:03:42 »

Quote
You may jest, but working, as I do, in Milton Keynes - the capital city of Stupid People - I have seen not dissimilar stories with my own eyes.


(Now that I have upset all our North Bucks members, I'd like to add, and I'm sure they will all agree with me, that not everyone in MK is stupid, but it does have a disproportionally high number of incredibly stupid people)

When I had my own IT business saw lots of similar responses in reality!

Always remember elderly lady who bought pc in for repair and said it should be done free under warranty.  Told her to take it back to PC World where she bought it - she still insisted I repair it foc as i had been recommended!!  Politely told to break off back to pc world.
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gwa

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #9 on: 30 January 2009, 12:08:55 »

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired . This is  a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I  know why they record these conversations!):
Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'
Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the  words went away.'
Operator:         'Went away?'
Caller:              'They disappeared'
Operator:         'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:              'Nothing.'
Operator:         'Nothing??'
Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller:              'How do I tell?'
Operator:         'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'
Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller:              'What's a monitor?'
Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells
                        you when it's on??'
Caller:               'I don't know.'
Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
                         Can you see that??'
Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'
Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:              'Yes, it is.'
Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into
                        the back of it, not just one??'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller:               'I can't reach.'
Operator:          'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller:               'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator:          'Dark??'
Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator:           'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:               'I can't.'
Operator:          'No? Why not??'
Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:           'A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
                         boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??'
Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got
                         it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:           'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller:                'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator:           'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.
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gwa

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #10 on: 30 January 2009, 12:09:56 »

Actual call center conversations!
Customer:     'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
Operator:     'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer:     'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator:     'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking  about.'
Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator:      'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller:          'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?'
Operator:     'Does the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller:  'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:        'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller:             'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland .'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer:             'OK.'
Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer:             'No.'
Tech Support:      'OK . Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer:             'No.'
Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer:            'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:      'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer:           'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'
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cem_devecioglu

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #11 on: 30 January 2009, 13:34:04 »

Quote
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired . This is  a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I  know why they record these conversations!):
Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'
Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the  words went away.'
Operator:         'Went away?'
Caller:              'They disappeared'
Operator:         'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:              'Nothing.'
Operator:         'Nothing??'
Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller:              'How do I tell?'
Operator:         'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'
Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller:              'What's a monitor?'
Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells
                        you when it's on??'
Caller:               'I don't know.'
Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
                         Can you see that??'
Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'
Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:              'Yes, it is.'
Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into
                        the back of it, not just one??'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller:               'I can't reach.'
Operator:          'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller:               'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator:          'Dark??'
Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator:           'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:               'I can't.'
Operator:          'No? Why not??'
Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:           'A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
                         boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??'
Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got
                         it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:           'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller:                'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator:           'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.

 ;D

This customer support man really have patience..And deserve a medal.. if it was me I could get there and throw this idiot out the window >:(

only few days before, one woman ask some silly questions about an application I've  finished years ago ..  :-?

This person has completed 2 weeks of detailed education on that application and is responsible for many things..  :o

She started asking me the simplest basic things about the subject.. And to my surprise she was unable to do simple windows basics.. :(


my tension jump up and probably I changed in color.. After I loose control, I said cant solve your problem you need to learn basics and  close the phone in the face.. >:(
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dbug

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #12 on: 30 January 2009, 15:09:32 »

Quote
;D

This customer support man really have patience..And deserve a medal.. if it was me I could get there and throw this idiot out the window >:(

only few days before, one woman ask some silly questions about an application I've  finished years ago ..  :-?

This person has completed 2 weeks of detailed education on that application and is responsible for many things..  :o

She started asking me the simplest basic things about the subject.. And to my surprise she was unable to do simple windows basics.. :(


my tension jump up and probably I changed in color.. After I loose control, I said cant solve your problem you need to learn basics and  close the phone in the face.. >:(


cem  :o :o
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cem_devecioglu

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Re: IT Issues
« Reply #13 on: 30 January 2009, 15:26:31 »

Quote
Quote
;D

This customer support man really have patience..And deserve a medal.. if it was me I could get there and throw this idiot out the window >:(

only few days before, one woman ask some silly questions about an application I've  finished years ago ..  :-?

This person has completed 2 weeks of detailed education on that application and is responsible for many things..  :o

She started asking me the simplest basic things about the subject.. And to my surprise she was unable to do simple windows basics.. :(


my tension jump up and probably I changed in color.. After I loose control, I said cant solve your problem you need to learn basics and  close the phone in the face.. >:(


cem  :o :o

everyone has a limit..
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