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[Mr Skrunts]

Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the tiles. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.
Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police".
Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking very worried.
"What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy".
Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You bloody eegit Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!".

[Mr Skrunts]

 Little Patrick asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand?' Patrick said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.' He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand?' So little Patrick said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand?' So little Patrick said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his da came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand?' So again little Patrick said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.' Then his Da got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!' And little Patrick said, 'Look Da you scared the crap out of him!'

[miggcddave]

very good  

[Mr Skrunts]

 How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
21. One to hold the lightbulb, and 20 to drink until the room spins!       

[unlucky alf]

paddy was walking home from the pub when a group of hoodies try to mug him, old paddy puts up a right fight but in the end they get into his pockets & pull out 50p, the hoodies said "you put up all that struggle for 50p?", paddy says "if its 50p you want you can have it, i thought you were after the £150 ive got in my sock"

[dbug]

 

[Mr Skrunts]

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window. "B'jees" said Paddy "Will ye look at how short dat runway is".
"You're not kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy
"You're not kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put the engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps dow straight away" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing that" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy. "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to the Mother Mary with all of his soul.
Amidst the roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest runway i have EVER seen in me whole life".
Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look at how wide it is!"

[Mr Skrunts]

Three Irishmen were walking down the road one day.
Suddenly they were attacked by Oliver Cromwell's soldiers.
The three of them managed to escape and climbed up a tree.
The soldiers suspected that they were up on the tree and yelled, "Who's up there?"  The first Irishman replied, "Cheep,cheep",like a bird.
The second man said "Hoot,hoot",like an owl.
The third man said "Mooooo".

[dbug]

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window. "B'jees" said Paddy "Will ye look at how short dat runway is".
"You're not kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy
"You're not kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put the engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps dow straight away" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing that" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy. "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to the Mother Mary with all of his soul.
Amidst the roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest runway i have EVER seen in me whole life".
Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look at how wide it is!"

good one! its spelt seamus though...

Same mistake as me mate :-/ :-/

[Mr Skrunts]

Same mistake as me mate

Not at all

There's more than one Irish name.

[dbug]

Same mistake as me mate

Not at all

There's more than one Irish name.

There's me believing the Irish guy that picked me up on that one!!

[Omega man 2]

Hmmmmmmm.
Ah, well

[r1]