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[nick v6]

we have taken her toys and dolls away
her bedroom is nearly empty just her bed and cupboard now
so its just a case of is she going to do it again :-/

I hope she has a cuddly toy or two at bed time........

yeah she has a teddy bear

[nick v6]

Have re-read the original post.
Q Nick you are up at 5 every morning, is your daughter back in bed and asleep?

Look Knee made a lot of sense re being popular in class, I know from York that she is not shy

She is the eldest, If I remember correctly, does she feel left out at all. Think about this, does she feel left out, not what you think? and as someone mentioned, you do have the wedding coming up.

Seems like some form of attention seeking behaviour, could be something or nothing, but the one big thing you need to remember is that You and Ann must agree and stick together, in front of her.

 You are both adults and need to behave as such, so disagree by all means, but in private.

It is important to instill 'Values' at a young age, but the thought of dragging a 4 year old, assuming she was last time, down the Police station horrifies me, she needs to be able to build up a trusting relationship with the Police.

No easy answers or quick fixes.

i never check in her room at that time i just ashume she is asleep

its not the wedding as she has been doing this since last year at her old school

i ran out of options and was told to take her to go and see my local police station and that came off a beat copper that i know quite well

[Vamps]

Have re-read the original post.
Q Nick you are up at 5 every morning, is your daughter back in bed and asleep?

Look Knee made a lot of sense re being popular in class, I know from York that she is not shy

She is the eldest, If I remember correctly, does she feel left out at all. Think about this, does she feel left out, not what you think? and as someone mentioned, you do have the wedding coming up.

Seems like some form of attention seeking behaviour, could be something or nothing, but the one big thing you need to remember is that You and Ann must agree and stick together, in front of her.

 You are both adults and need to behave as such, so disagree by all means, but in private.

It is important to instill 'Values' at a young age, but the thought of dragging a 4 year old, assuming she was last time, down the Police station horrifies me, she needs to be able to build up a trusting relationship with the Police.

No easy answers or quick fixes.

i never check in her room at that time i just ashume she is asleep

its not the wedding as she has been doing this since last year at her old school

i ran out of options and was told to take her to go and see my local police station and that came off a beat copper that i know quite well

I think you need to separate out the issues.  As for the ice cream in the middle of the night, it's the 'middle of the night that worries me' she is either sleepwalking, hungry, or stealing food. The latter can be the result of some underlying emotional problem, as could the taking things to school consider going to your GP.

She may of course simply grow out of this with a lot of love, understanding and firm and consistent boundaries with clear consequences for her actions that you both agree on.

Can't think of any other suggestions at this stage...

[nick v6]

we have explained to her about right and wrongs and what can happen in a situation like this

we have even helped her read news papers about how people have been taken to prison for stealing and it did get to a stage where she broke into tears and said "i don't want to go there"

she knows what will happen i think its a case of getting it drummed into her head

[MikeDundee]

Try and keep the make up stuff out of her reach (if you can).........threatening to sell them to the poor people work's for me (sometimes)

If they fight over toys etc., they lose it for a week or two

Eldest had a small hoard of pound and two pound coins, taken from the vanity thingy drawer, where I leave my change, she's been told, now it's a case of wait and see

[nick v6]

Try and keep the make up stuff out of her reach (if you can).........threatening to sell them to the poor people work's for me (sometimes)

If they fight over toys etc., they lose it for a week or two

Eldest had a small hoard of pound and two pound coins, taken from the vanity thingy drawer, where I leave my change, she's been told, now it's a case of wait and see

i herd you say that at york once or twice and i did notice that it worked
i think i'll take a trick out of your book and try that

[Entwood]

I'm no expert ... and both my "kids" are now well past their 20's !!! and quite well balanced as well ....

My only thought reading this is .... remember she's only 5 ....whilst I agree that discipline is important, and knowing the difference between right and wrong is paramount, it would be very easy to overreact and come down very hard ... if she was 10 I'd agree with that .. but at 5 she still doesn't REALLY know the rules and boundaries.....

Only you can decide the appropriate level ....  but take care you don't turn it into a major battle.......

Good luck..... only another 20 odd years to go ...   

[Darth Loo-knee]

I think children understand more than we actually give them credit for. It does seem strange but I still think it is attention seeking, be it a positive or negative response from the parent. :-?

[Nickbat]

I've thought about this for a while and have a theory which I shall expound below. Please note that I do not know your family history at all, so forgive me if sounds too assumptive or intrusive.

I find it very revealing that your daughter is taking make-up (the ice creams are not relevant). In my experience (I have a daughter of , she will only have a passing interest in cosmetics. A bit of lippy on special occasions, maybe, but not enough interest to take such items to school, knowingly against your will, and pass them around. 

At such a tender age, though, she will know why Ann has cosmetics. It's to make her beautiful, especially in your eyes. It takes a child's logic to think that if she takes Ann's cosmetics away, she will not be so beautiful to you.

I may be wrong, but it's worth a thought.

So, following on form the above, forget about taking her possessions away from her, or taking her down the local nick, She needs guarantees of your unconditional love.

As a long-time governor of a school (albeit secondary) I can assure you that the correlation between sanctionable behaviour and family instability runs as high as 80% - 90%. Please note, however, that I am not insinuating in any way that your family is unstable (the popular word is disfunctional), indeed it looks like becoming a very loving unit, especially with your upcoming nuptials. However, to a 5-year old, it may seem unstable in that she may perceive her Daddy's love is to be conditional or under threat.

She is a bit mixed up and insecure, but certainly not a criminal in the making.

Once again, please note that I know nothing of your circumstances and if I am wrong in any assertion, feel free to tell me to shut up. I feel for you, and that is why I have given my post much thought.        

[Vamps]

I think children understand more than we actually give them credit for. It does seem strange but I still think it is attention seeking, be it a positive or negative response from the parent. :-?

And bad, or feeling left out, leading to bad, behaviour gets more attention that good behaviour.......

[nick v6]

i had a chat with ann last night which turned into an argument and i decided to say "ok you deal with her"

ive tried everything now
sitting her down telling her right from wrong
those sticker chart things, they don't work
taking toys from her


its in ann's hands now




on the other note
thanks for all the advice given

[The Red Baron]

not a nice position to be in nick, hope you get it sorted soon. 

[nick v6]

not a nice position to be in nick, hope you get it sorted soon. 

thanks
i hope so to

[Lazydocker]

i had a chat with ann last night which turned into an argument and i decided to say "ok you deal with her"

ive tried everything now
sitting her down telling her right from wrong
those sticker chart things, they don't work
taking toys from her


its in ann's hands now




on the other note
thanks for all the advice given

Not good that it turned into a row but...

Make sure you stand by Ann, whatever happens

You can always tell her you don't agree in private but in front of the littleun you must support her

[nick v6]

i had a chat with ann last night which turned into an argument and i decided to say "ok you deal with her"

ive tried everything now
sitting her down telling her right from wrong
those sticker chart things, they don't work
taking toys from her


its in ann's hands now




on the other note
thanks for all the advice given

Not good that it turned into a row but...

Make sure you stand by Ann, whatever happens

You can always tell her you don't agree in private but in front of the littleun you must support her

thats what i'm going to do