Hi Kris
God has delegated a lot of the world management to us (mankind, not OOF) and you have had 13 replies already - all of them sympathetic and supportive.
I would add my voice to those recommending counselling. The loss of your mum has obviously hit you hard and you are looking to apportion blame to dilute the anguish. Sometimes we can blame someone else, but when we lay it at our own door the hurt is even greater because the struggle stays within - there is no-one external to let rip at.
If family are not to hand (or you think they are not on-side) then you need someone else who cares or can just listen.
If you look at other peoples' lives and their bereavements, you would find many like yours, where "maybe it would be different if I had done such-and-such". Life follows some pretty hard-and-fast rules usually and I have no doubt that you did
all that you could to be there. That is the end of it. You made the decisions that you felt were best at the time. That is all anyone can do.
Well done for caring so much for your mum. There are many who take them for granted and show little respect or care for their families. I will personally ask God to bring you comfort and release from your pain over this. Despite this, I still recommend bereavement counseling from a human.
All the best.
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Topic: god is a tw4t (Read 2102 times)