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[Dave Elite]

As you are probably aware, a massive earthquake measuring 5.8 on the richter-scale has struck Liverpool in the early hours.

The earthquake desimated the entire city, causing 30 quids worth of damage..... several priceless ashtays from Benidorm and Tenerife were damaged beyond repair, three historic areas of burnt out cars (some over 7 years old) were disturbed.

Many locals were woken up before Giros arrived.....the Liverpool Echo reported that hundreds of locals were confused, bewildered and trying to come to terms with the loss off Ladbrooks.

One resedent, a miss Stacey Smith- a 15 year old mother of six said..... "it was such a shock to my little Chardonnay Mercedes, she came into my room crying to me and my Winstan, but my youngest two, Rocky Neo and Brooklyn Romeo luckily slept through it all- I was still shocked wathching Jeremy Kyle".

Apparenly, looting mugging and car crime carried on as normal.

Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of lager and cider into the area to help stricken locals... rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have recovered large amounts of belongings, including benefit books, jewelry from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and many pairs of Ugg Boots.

HOW CAN YOU HELP.

This appeal is to raise money for emergency supplies for those caught up in the disaster...... clothing is urgently needed and amongst the most sought after are:-

Fila burberry basball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Adidas trackie bottoms
White socks
Anything else from the Donnay shop

Food parcels should take into consideration local tastes, and should include Micromeals, pot noodles, Lidl baked beans, super noodles, Carlsberg special brew and Thunderbird, and Greggs sausage rolls and pastries for babies.

Remember- every little helps
22p buys a Biro to help fill in compo form
£1.50 gets 5 mins on the sunbed
£2.00 buys chips and curry sauce and blue Panda pop for a family of 9
£5.00 buys 20 Benson & Hedges and a box of swan matches to calm the nerves of a grieving 10 year old

Decimated. Of. Resident. Watching. Apparently.

At least we can spell and know our rules of grammar.

In linguistics, grammar is the set of logical and structural rules that govern the composition of sentences, phrases, and words in any given natural language. The term refers also to the study of such rules, and this field includes morphology and syntax, often complemented by phonetics, phonology, semantics, and pragmatics.

I think you meant spelling

I spy a superfluous comma

What are "pragmatics"?  

What are "ashtays"? 

Is punctuation part of grammar or part of syntax, or is it something else entirely?

And why settle for "spelling" when you could have said "orthography"?

And you missed the full stop after "spelling".

I copy and pasted it from the internet. I'm bored now, the wife is back now, I'm off for an early night with her. You can all stay on the forum if you like? and argue about full stops.

[Gaffers]

Too many rather scousers on here. Well, plazzies anyway.

Pastic Scouser
a wannabe scouser will put on a liverpool accent and act like a scouser to try and look hard or impress somebody or make them stand out.
People that come from formby and ormskirk can offten be plastic scousers and will act this way.

Whats a Pastic Scouser? 

I just googled 'plastic scouser' and then copy and pasted it.

Anagrams thereof:

Spastic Closure
Racists Couples
Racists Closeup
Racist Closeups
Outclass Prices
Accusers Pistol
Accrue P!ss Slot
Access Lip Tours
Access Riot Plus
Crucial Pests So

 

[STMO999]

Too many rather scousers on here. Well, plazzies anyway.

Pastic Scouser
a wannabe scouser will put on a liverpool accent and act like a scouser to try and look hard or impress somebody or make them stand out.
People that come from formby and ormskirk can offten be plastic scousers and will act this way.

Whats a Pastic Scouser? 

I just googled 'plastic scouser' and then copy and pasted it.

Anagrams thereof:

Spastic Closure
Racists Couples
Racists Closeup
Racist Closeups
Outclass Prices
Accusers Pistol
Accrue P!ss Slot
Access Lip Tours
Access Riot Plus
Crucial Pests So

 

Oh, I say.

[Stevie-blunder]

Brilliant 

[PhilRich]

I think we may have strayed off topic here Gents. Myself & Swmbo have just rushed out to the local Tesco food emporium and purchased as much lager & crisps as the miggy could carry as a stopgap until Greggs opens in the morning, when we will of course buy up the entire days stock of Pasties & Baps to send down to the poor unfortunates in that once wonderful city of Liverpool. It would be heartening to see you all following suit instead of the petty bickering  and sniping about miner spilling misteaks and grammer! 

[STMO999]

I think we may have strayed off topic here Gents. Myself & Swmbo have just rushed out to the local Tesco food emporium and purchased as much lager & crisps as the miggy could carry as a stopgap until Greggs opens in the morning, when we will of course buy up the entire days stock of Pasties & Baps to send down to the poor unfortunates in that once wonderful city of Liverpool. It would be heartening to see you all following suit instead of the petty bickering  and sniping about miner spilling misteaks and grammer! 

Quite right!!!


That's minor.

[PhilRich]

I think we may have strayed off topic here Gents. Myself & Swmbo have just rushed out to the local Tesco food emporium and purchased as much lager & crisps as the miggy could carry as a stopgap until Greggs opens in the morning, when we will of course buy up the entire days stock of Pasties & Baps to send down to the poor unfortunates in that once wonderful city of Liverpool. It would be heartening to see you all following suit instead of the petty bickering  and sniping about miner spilling misteaks and grammer! 

Quite right!!!


That's minor.

No it isn't, it's mine..er

[STMO999]

I think we may have strayed off topic here Gents. Myself & Swmbo have just rushed out to the local Tesco food emporium and purchased as much lager & crisps as the miggy could carry as a stopgap until Greggs opens in the morning, when we will of course buy up the entire days stock of Pasties & Baps to send down to the poor unfortunates in that once wonderful city of Liverpool. It would be heartening to see you all following suit instead of the petty bickering  and sniping about miner spilling misteaks and grammer! 

Quite right!!!


That's minor.

No it isn't, it's mine..er

Oh. I geddit.

[Entwood]

Nice one .. even my scouse SWTSMBO smiled ... 

[Tony H]

Too many rather scousers on here. Well, plazzies anyway.

Pastic Scouser
a wannabe scouser will put on a liverpool accent and act like a scouser to try and look hard or impress somebody or make them stand out.
People that come from formby and ormskirk can offten be plastic scousers and will act this way.

Formby eh? Tony?

You need to keep up Steve I've moved to a lovely leafy suberb of Formby you probably know it Stockbridge village  a quaint little place with lots of trees, a babbling brook running under a dry stone bridge on the main street, lots of animals in the fields, plenty of wildlife in the hedgerows which can be observed whilst picking elder flowers to make wine and wild blackberrys to make home made  preserve, tea dances in the local village hall organised by the womens institute followed by a whist drive with tea biscuits and assorted home made sponge fancies, followed up by a few games of bridge in the conservative club. I've gone up in the world. 

[Tony H]

Aww just noticed your avatar Steve, what happened to pedantic idiot I liked that it had a factual  ring to it 

[omegod]

Too many rather scousers on here. Well, plazzies anyway.

Pastic Scouser
a wannabe scouser will put on a liverpool accent and act like a scouser to try and look hard or impress somebody or make them stand out.
People that come from formby and ormskirk can offten be plastic scousers and will act this way.

Formby eh? Tony?

You need to keep up Steve I've moved to a lovely leafy suberb of Formby you probably know it Stockbridge village  a quaint little place with lots of trees, a babbling brook running under a dry stone bridge on the main street, lots of animals in the fields, plenty of wildlife in the hedgerows which can be observed whilst picking elder flowers to make wine and wild blackberrys to make home made  preserve, tea dances in the local village hall organised by the womens institute followed by a whist drive with tea biscuits and assorted home made sponge fancies, followed up by a few games of bridge in the conservative club. I've gone up in the world. 

So that would be:

The river Alt with filled with shopping trolleys
Staffordshire bull terriers running loose
A dodgy pint in the Black Angus

More like the Stockbridge village I know

[STMO999]

I thought Stocksbridge was a district of Kirkby.

[Debs.]

You are welcome to my mantle J, it's becoming rather tiresome.

Pendant!

[Tony H]

I thought Stocksbridge was a district of Kirkby.

You probably know it better by it's previouse name Cantrell Farm  [smiley=evil.gif] The powers that be changed it's name in a hope to re-launch it much like when they re-named Windscale  :-?