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[dbug]

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS

 
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'   
She calls on little Ralphy.

 
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

 
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..'

 
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

 
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

 
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

 
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'

 
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

 
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'


 
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 2)

 
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

 
'Why?' asks the father?

 
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.

 
'But that's right!' says his dad.

 
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

 
'What's the f....... difference?' asks the father.

 
'That's what I said!'

 

 
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
 

 
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

 
RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate..'

 
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

 
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a b***job.'

 

 
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH (Part 2)

 
 
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

 
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

 
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.. She then called on little Michael.

 
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

 
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.

 
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f....... beautiful!''
 

 
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
 

 
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

 
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

 
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

[waspy]

 

Little Ralphy's beyond his years

[rob in gib]

Me thinks little Ralph should run for Office

 

[Tony H]

Brilliant

[Proz]

 

[albitz]

..........meanwhile in Dublin, Ralphys little cousin Seamus is in class and the teacher asks the children to give examples of a sentence using the word contagious.
Little Mary puts her hand up and says "my sister was in a room by herself when she was in hospital because the doctor said she had an infection which was contagious". "Excellent Mary" says the teacher,"anyone else want to give it a try?".
Little Seamus puts his hand up and says "the bloke acrossthe road from us is painting the outside of his house using a 2 inch paintbrush,my dad says it will take the c*** ages".

[dbug]

..........meanwhile in Dublin, Ralphys little cousin Seamus is in class and the teacher asks the children to give examples of a sentence using the word contagious.
Little Mary puts her hand up and says "my sister was in a room by herself when she was in hospital because the doctor said she had an infection which was contagious". "Excellent Mary" says the teacher,"anyone else want to give it a try?".
Little Seamus puts his hand up and says "the bloke acrossthe road from us is painting the outside of his house using a 2 inch paintbrush,my dad says it will take the c*** ages".

[PhilRich]

Little RALPHY for PM!

[PhilRich]

..........meanwhile in Dublin, Ralphys little cousin Seamus is in class and the teacher asks the children to give examples of a sentence using the word contagious.
Little Mary puts her hand up and says "my sister was in a room by herself when she was in hospital because the doctor said she had an infection which was contagious". "Excellent Mary" says the teacher,"anyone else want to give it a try?".
Little Seamus puts his hand up and says "the bloke acrossthe road from us is painting the outside of his house using a 2 inch paintbrush,my dad says it will take the c*** ages".

PMSL

[Hannah Judes Dad]

All very good and to the point 

[ScottieMV6]

All brilliant - especially like the b*** job one!

[Richie London]

 

[maria]

Good one

[dad1uk]

Great stuff! 

[Shackeng]

Very very good 8-)