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[Tonka.]

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!


------------ --------- --------oOo- -----------


A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"



------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------


Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your flipping plane!"




------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.


------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
------------ --------- --------oOo- ------------------ -


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"


"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole flaming bed by the looks of it!"


------------ --------- --------oOo- ---------





Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U...S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!


------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------


Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------


Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden..

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"


------------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -


Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

--------- --------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -


Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London!"

[sexydaz]

chuff me pmsl theres some good uns in there

[Debs.]

  Hahahahaha!

[PhilRich]

Brilliant!

[Entwood]

 

[STMO999]

Some good ones

[Dishevelled Den]

  very good T 

[Turk]

Jokes are good, but I tend to take them as "a man" etc as opposed to Paddy...Murphy..an Irishman etc. 

One would have to be extremely ignorant to honestly think "Not intended to offend" is carte blanche to write what ever one feels like and think it acceptable.

And if anyone would care to explain why they would not work equally well by dropping the Irish references...I'm all ears !     

[dbug]

Jokes are good, but I tend to take them as "a man" etc as opposed to Paddy...Murphy..an Irishman etc. 

One would have to be extremely ignorant to honestly think "Not intended to offend" is carte blanche to write what ever one feels like and think it acceptable.

And if anyone would care to explain why they would not work equally well by dropping the Irish references...I'm all ears !     

Come'on chill mate - they're jokes - and funny ones as well 

Irish guys tell Irish jokes, just as in Europe the equivalent is Belgian jokes (which a lot of belgian guys tell and laugh at!!)

[edit]Here's an example of a scouser taking the p*ss out of scousers - http://www.omegaowners.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1266872856[/edit]

[Turk]

A man is out trekking in Wales. He stops to drink from a brook when he hears someone shouting.

He looks up and sees the farmer waving and shouting "Paid a yfed y dwr, mae'n llawn o gachi yr anifeiliaid !!" ("Don't drink the water, it's full of animal sh*t !!").

The man shouts back "Awfully sorry old boy, I'm English. I don't understand you !"

The farmer shouts back "Oh right....I said use both hands, you'll get more in !!" 

(Not intended to offend !!)      

[dbug]

An man is out trekking in Wales. He stops to drink from a brook when he hears someone shouting.

He looks up and sees the farmer waving and shouting "Paid a yfed y dwr, mae'n llawn o gachi yr anifeiliaid !!" ("Don't drink the water, it's full of animal sh*t !!").

The man shouts back "Awfully sorry old boy, I'm English. I don't understand you !"

The farmer shouts back "Oh right....I said use both hands, you'll get more in !!" 

(Not intended to offend !!)      

Why should that offend mate?  I'm english and thought it was funny.  Know lots of Welsh jokes but they would probably offend (most told to me by my welsh broth in law)

[Ken T]

Some jokes just play on a stereo type to get the point over.

Here's one that should offend everybody.

The Scots pray on their knees and their neighbours.
The Welsh keep the Sabeth and anything else they can get their hands on.
The Irish don't know what they want but are willing to fight anyone for it.
And the English are a race of self made men.....thus relieving the Almighty of an enormous responsibility.

Humour is a relief from everyday cares, enjoy.

Ken

[Dishevelled Den]

An man is out trekking in Wales. He stops to drink from a brook when he hears someone shouting.

He looks up and sees the farmer waving and shouting "Paid a yfed y dwr, mae'n llawn o gachi yr anifeiliaid !!" ("Don't drink the water, it's full of animal sh*t !!").

The man shouts back "Awfully sorry old boy, I'm English. I don't understand you !"

The farmer shouts back "Oh right....I said use both hands, you'll get more in !!" 

(Not intended to offend !!)      

  very good T 

[Turk]

It's the "Not intended..." that gets me.  For some reason some folk think "I'll put this after it and that'll make it alright !".
Friendly taking the Mick () is fine, but for some reason I read the opening line "Paddy and Mick went...." etc and....ZzzZzz (terribly sorry old boy, I am a little tired).
Anyhoo, come on then , let's have a couple of the Welsh 'uns...for a change.       

[jonnycool]

I like the Irish jokes, and I don't mind it when people take the piss of me being Welsh, it's all good natured and I can give it back in bucketloads if they want it. Rugby days are the best, lots of banter flying around then