Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Peachy]

My wife left me yesterday. I feel so angry, confused and frustrated. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Do I butter both the slices of bread or just one?

                   ............................................
A Man walks into a bar to find a man and a camel standing next to a big pot of gold.

"whats all this about?" says the man
"if you can make the camel laugh you can have the pot of gold, but you must put in a piece of gold first"

so the man puts in a piece of gold, takes the camel outside and sure enough comes back in and the camel is crying with laughter, he takes the pot of gold and leaves.

He comes back to the pub the next day and the same man and camel are back with another pot of gold

"whats it about this time?" says the man
"if you can make the camel cry you can have the pot of gold"

so the man puts in a piece of gold, takes the camel outside and sure enough comes back in and the camel is crying his eyes out, He takes the pot of gold and starts to walk out when the man says
"ok ok you have to tell me how you did it"
he replies "well the 1st time I told him my dick was bigger than his, the 2nd time I showed him"

                    ..........................................

A young lad asks his mum, "How do you spell 'clitoris'?"
She says, "Ask your father. It was on the tip of his tongue earlier."

                ..................................................

Ted Reader Raised £5000 for charity By cooking a 267kg hamburger. That is enough to feed an entire battalion of the British Army.

Or Dawn French

                  ...................................................
I know, hat coat.........

[maria]

Hi Di and welcome back, They was funny

[Proz]

 

[Terbs]

Sorry Peachy...
But seeing Merthyr reminded me of this......you have probably seen it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV7SXmHq0Bk
 

[Terbs]

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and knocked on the door.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she  welcomed Fred in.

'Have a seat in the living room.  Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? Squash ?'

'Squash, please,' Fred said.
Mum brought in orange Squash.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?'  she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a film,  and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the chip shop, maybe take a walk around the park..'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued,  'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do! Screw,screw again and again !!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother.
'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began  thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs  looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back  in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted Fred..

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left..

Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue  burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to  her mother in the kitchen. 'The f***ing dance is called the Twist !!!'