Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[doog]

My son is 10 years old 
He is a fairly quiet and easy going lad.
A problem has come to light recently  when he was younger he was bullied because he wouldnt hit back and would just stand there and take it.

In the last month he has started to stand up for him self  and to be honest i am glad he is willing to defend himself.
The problem is he goes way over the score loosing his temper and is not in control of himself and gives the other kids a real pasting.

I have to add he is not a bully and would rather keep himself to himself  however if attacked or prevoked he just looses it.
 two  things worry me about this
 
1. he could get into trouble for his actions when he looses his temper as he is not in control of himself

2 He gets branded a bully  (he is massive compaired to the other kids his age)

Advice required please  he isnt a bad lad and wont look for trouble  but he  now wont back down  from anyone and i need to find a way to stop him  cracking when people push his buttons



all input appreciated

[Plomien]

Best thing to do is sit down and have a chat about it.
At least he is not going out looking for a fight but is finishing it.
Soon the kids picking on him will stop as they will get fed up with getting their arses kicked.
Maybe taking him to martial arts classes will help as they teach self control as well.

[HolyCount]

I had a similar "epithany" as a child when I decided enough was enough and started standing up for myself. TBH it was a very short time before the bullies decided the wisest course was for them to leave me alone and give me no cause to lose it.  After the first couple of fights I never needed to fight again and "grew out of it". Now I am so laid back I am horizontal -- however, there is still a hint of the "roman candle" about me -- if the fuse is lit I can still go off "woosh" with very little warning -- but it's all over in an instant ... (very similar to my love life  )

The martial arts suggestion is a good one.

[Debs.]

.....if the fuse is lit I can still go off "woosh" with very little warning -- but it's all over in an instant ... (very similar to my love life  )

So, no change there then!

[sexydaz]

I had a similar "epithany" as a child when I decided enough was enough and started standing up for myself. TBH it was a very short time before the bullies decided the wisest course was for them to leave me alone and give me no cause to lose it.  After the first couple of fights I never needed to fight again and "grew out of it". Now I am so laid back I am horizontal -- however, there is still a hint of the "roman candle" about me -- if the fuse is lit I can still go off "woosh" with very little warning -- but it's all over in an instant ... (very similar to my love life  )

The martial arts suggestion is a good one.

aye she told me

[sexydaz]

on a serious note..ive 2 girls 5 and 3 and a boy 1,my oldest punches my 3 yr old and sometimes it can get really heated but on other occasions she runs in screaming saying her sister has just pushed her and shes in tears(one minute the bully and next the softy)kids give and take..if they give too many times and he takes it one day he will give back(and he is)then they will stop giving cos theyre sick of taking

[HolyCount]

Debs, Herc ... for once I should have kept my mouth shut ... shouldn't have said that either, should I 

[Vamps]

Best thing to do is sit down and have a chat about it.
At least he is not going out looking for a fight but is finishing it.
Soon the kids picking on him will stop as they will get fed up with getting their arses kicked.
Maybe taking him to martial arts classes will help as they teach self control as well.

[/highlight]

This is very sound advice, this or any activity / group that is structured and disciplined. This will give him the opportunity to channel his energy in a positive way. Additionally the side affect should be that he gains in self confidence / self respect and this should help in controlling his emotions and temper. There is no quick and easy text book fix, Just my tuppence worth....

[sexydaz]

Debs, Herc ... for once I should have kept my zipper shut ... shouldn't have said that either, should I 

and she said that

[doog]

I like the idea of the martial arts training if they teach them self control  thanks for that

 Is this an issue i should bring to the attention of the school ?

[Vamps]

I like the idea of the martial arts training if they teach them self control  thanks for that

 Is this an issue i should bring to the attention of the school ?

Yes, if what you have said is right, he is wrongly getting the reputation of being the bully, you, or your boy, really do not want that reputation. Make an appointment with the head and make sure you have your calm but assertive head on and discuss calmly the situation, regardless of any judgmental comments. Get this wrong and you could make life very difficult for your son, it should not be the case, but in my professional experience, well.....
Some further advice, this problem is the least that may come, now and in the future, teens, Internet chats, msn and facebook, massive problem's with 'Cyber Bullying' and kids sending or posting pornographic images on msn live, we think OOF has some problems wont be long before people will be calling for bans on such chat rooms, the Police advice is not to allow Kids on them, without high supervision... Actually I lie, Police advice is not to use these sites at all......