Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Mr Skrunts]

He is 14 going on 21..............

has the attitude "I'll do what I want when/if I want and no-one will tell me what to do, the world can kiss my ass"

Won't go to school quite often, and swears at his mum, steals from the local big stores, smokes, drinks, and tries weed, been riding a pitbike two-up on the public road without helmets, lies, and is generally insulting/rude.

Free to a good any home .

Next stop, social services, tomorrow.

Sounds like priviledges need removing.

If my sister gets anys agro from her 2, it's simple, the mains leads from the consoles used to disapear, then other privelidges followed suit. 

Yeah im with you on this one .... play ball and here is a treat 
Pis* me off and you can forget it ...
Sounds like he needs to earn some respect for you  :-/

I lived with a lass years ago and took on her 2 as my own, they were 3 and 6, just going on 4 and 7.  Girl was fine and took to me ok, he was ok but got bullied at school, helped him through that and supported him but he got in with the wrong crowd and had lots of trouble at school, I moved on a while later but have stayed in touch even though she has married.  But the lad got worse and the ex's husband is useless,   laddo had issues in the end and constantly took it out on his Mum (who stodd by him regardless of how much she hated him at times) he left home in the end, ended up in a rough relationship and had 2 boys himself.

They have now split and he took the boys, we all helped him where we can and is now a completely different person, still took time regards his mum, but now buys har cards and flowers when it matters and has finally realised what a baskit he really was.

But we allways knew he had the makings of a good un deep down, sadly it took a long time to find him.

[Sixstring]

This "big man" is 4ft 10, petite, blond, with a permanently fixed on baseball cap, about 6 stone wet, with a mouth bigger than the tyne mouth or severn estuary, and knows swear words I wouldn't even use in male company even now.
He smokes, drinks, takes weed, and doesn't care about anything.BUT......I have been told that he has rights, so if I touch him, restrain him, or swear at him, I CAN BE ARRESTED if he feels he is "intimidated" or "at risk of violence" from me. they have given him an 0800 free anytime number to ring................The police have advised me to let his mother deal with him and keep away.

These kids have more rights than me in my own house!!

BTW his mum does everything she can but she is only 5ft and 7 stone, and she is afraid of what he may do to her next.....will defend her actions, I can see what she has to deal with when I'm at work all day.

[Vamps]

I have been relaying this thread to swmbo in the hope that she realises that is is not just me, it is any step parent and to be hones could be any parent just the frustrations are greater as a step parent. swmbo actually felt that putting a password on the PC as a bit of a 'wind up' and fun............I put her right, cut the wire....................

[Shrek]

They push the boundaries, but deep down they need to know where the boundaries are. They arent yet mature/secure enough to set their own boundaries.He needs to be shown exacly where they are imo.
Not being a smartarse,just the voice of bitter experience and hopefully learnt something from my own mistakes.

I know exactly what you are saying ... and thats what i have been getting at all along .... this little shi* here will take the pis* out of his mother but wont dare with me ... stand up and pull your trousers up and tell him how it is 

[Sixstring]

Being a step-parent is the HARDEST thing.........you have to step aside and let the real parent tell the child off and show the way, but try not to interfere with it, HOWEVER you must show the child you care, but will not be treated like a doormat too, without losing face or respect from the child.

it is so hard sometimes to walk away, when if it was your own child you would do things this way..............my own kids are grown up with their own kids now, and you must not get drawn into the "your kids-my kids" trap.

Also, your partner, their parent must understand your position and stand by you too.

Only my opinion..........

[Shrek]

I think your in for a lot of trouble unless you state your boundries and stick solidly to them or this child is going to rule your lives .... lines have to be drawn and stuck to .... you cant be a doormat to a 14 yr old ffs .... 

[Shrek]

you have to step aside and let the real parent tell the child off and show the way

Says who ??
He is 14-15 ...almost an adult
You live together as a family so YOU have as much right to say whats acceptable in your house as anyone else ...

[Vamps]

They push the boundaries, but deep down they need to know where the boundaries are. They arent yet mature/secure enough to set their own boundaries.He needs to be shown exacly where they are imo.Not being a smartarse,just the voice of bitter experience and hopefully learnt something from my own mistakes.

I know exactly what you are saying ... and thats what i have been getting at all along .... this little shi* here will take the pis* out of his mother but wont dare with me ... stand up and pull your trousers up and tell him how it is 

Straight out of a text book.... but valid... interesting thread, and I have brought swmbo into it but bed time is a must, will be interesting to pick this up again, as no one knows what it is like to be a step parent and I am at the point of breaking up because of it, but then I have Miss Vamps and I do love swmob.......back tomorow....

[Shrek]

They push the boundaries, but deep down they need to know where the boundaries are. They arent yet mature/secure enough to set their own boundaries.He needs to be shown exacly where they are imo.Not being a smartarse,just the voice of bitter experience and hopefully learnt something from my own mistakes.

I know exactly what you are saying ... and thats what i have been getting at all along .... this little shi* here will take the pis* out of his mother but wont dare with me ... stand up and pull your trousers up and tell him how it is 

Straight out of a text book.... but valid... interesting thread, and I have brought swmbo into it but bed time is a must, will be interesting to pick this up again, as no one knows what it is like to be a step parent and I am at the point of breaking up because of it, but then I have Miss Vamps and I do love swmob.......back tomorow....

You and me both mate .... i have enough problems without her fuc*** up son .... wish i was single again 

[Sixstring]

There are no "how-to" guides for being a good parent-guaranteed or your money back.........(pity)

BUT...
I always thought that love, trust, respect and a little understanding cured all wayward children eventually.
Seems I was soooooo wrong, all that has happened is that society has given them the tools to dominate their parents and rule society from a younger age than ever before.

When I was a kid, a good slap never did me any harm, but all that happens today, is the child screams "child abuse" and the PARENT gets arrested and charged while the child laughs at them, waving two fingers....  :-/

[Sixstring]

'Night fellers, thanks for the support tonight, we'll see how he is tomorrow.

[Psychoca]

I feel so lucky, I have such a fantastic step-son... He is polite, friendly and genarally a decent bloke...  He was 17 when I first met him so a little bit older..

The way you and your wife are treated by him is horrendous and I genuinely feel for you...  Sadly there are/have been so many "do gooders" about for so long who have gradually chipped away at parent rights and granted "children" (or suitable alternative) with such extensive rights.  I think that if I was in your shoes right now, I would be talking with social service to gain assistance (mostly due to the school thing as the parent again is sadly to blame if your children fail to go to school and can/have been sent to prison)...  To be proud of having parents scared of you is shocking and it really sounds like you and yours need some external support and assistance...

[Mr Skrunts]

Pity these kids cant be sent for a dose of bad lads army, after seing the series on TV I think any kid that gets wayward or gets a criminal record ought to be joined up.  Saw some excellent results on the series, they pulled them apart mentally and built them back up.

[Lazydocker]

I typed a long reply to this a couple of hours ago but decided it shouldn't be posted. Not because it was unsuitable and full of bad language but because I felt it was a little more detail than was required! I'll have another try...

I really feel for you. I have no children/step children of my own but do have a kid brother who is 16 years younger than me and I am the only father figure he has even known. My mum has constant battles with him over practically anything and I frequently have to lay down the law as he'll listen to me! I have been known to do the 530 odd mile round trip in a day when he's really playing up.

All I can say is that you and your good lady need to stand together and sing from the same hymn sheet, otherwise this will continue. I would give the same advice to any couple/child problems as any weakness can and will be used to gain an advantage... I know, I was a child once and could be a right PITA, although by the sounds of it I was an angel in comparison!

I have (finally) got my mother on side with me when I deal with my kid brother and she will allow me to lay down the law to him and, more to the point, she'll stick to what I say. It has improved him... I still wouldn't say he's particularly well behaved but he's not as bad as he was. She even managed to make a threat which I'd told him about without getting prompted this last weekend when he was threatening to lounge about doing nothing instead of going back to college for another year or getting a job. It seems to have worked...

So, I'm trying to say that I sympathise with the situation and that it's not just step parents who get a hard time... It can be siblings too if the situation arises. Be firm and, most importantly, get the other half to show support for you

[Lazydocker]

Pity these kids cant be sent for a dose of bad lads army, after seing the series on TV I think any kid that gets wayward or gets a criminal record ought to be joined up.  Saw some excellent results on the series, they pulled them apart mentally and built them back up.

I went to a forces boarding school (for 7 years) aged 11 and it was, then, run to a very strict regime and was similar to Bad Lads Army in some respects... Didn't do me any harm. In fact, it's made me who I am today.

I'm starting to believe that National Service should be re-introduced... Perhaps, if you leave education before 21 you should be conscripted to National Service... Just a thought :-/