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[mathewst]

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rodeup on this bike." She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?", the others said. "Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

[2woody]

three engineere were in a car on a mountain road when the brakes failed. the driversped all the way down the pass and eventually managed to wrestle the car into an escape road at a hairpin bend. In the ensuing argument :-

the mechanical engineer suggested getting out and examining the car in order to find the fault and fix it

the systems engineer suggested doing a fault-finding exercise based on fault tree analysis

whilst the IT engineer suggested going back to the top of the pass and trying it again to see if it did the same again.

[Dishevelled Den]

  splendid - that's a great start to the day 


(for both)

[Plomien]

 

[Radiomarko]

Ace, thanks a lot!

[Sixstring]

Speaking AS an engineer.........Spanking!!!

My office loved it (13 engineers, 6 commissioning engineers, and one manager (Me) are now thinking of more good ones to post)

[Entwood]

Excellent ... good start to the day ..

[Kevin Wood]

When I first started working I went to visit a customer at a test house and saw the following pinned to the side of the rack of equipment I was working on. I've spent my career observing it happen time and time again: 

The Plan

In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying,
"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said,
"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying,
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors then went unto the Vice-Presidents, saying unto them,
"It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
And the Vice-Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company, with powerful effects."
And the President Looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy.

This is how Shit Happens

[Entwood]

Nice one .... 

[Sixstring]

OH, HOW TRUE IS THAT..........

[Chris_H]

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rodeup on this bike." She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?", the others said. "Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

..or is in need of replenishment?  Perhaps that's why I didn't get a 1st (no pun intended).

Very good.

[Mysteryman]

Very good. They are always funnier when they have a ring of truth.

[Varche]

Superb

[PhilRich]

The Truth, the Whole Truth & nothing but The Truth. Thanks for that Kevin

[Dishevelled Den]

When I first started working I went to visit a customer at a test house and saw the following pinned to the side of the rack of equipment I was working on. I've spent my career observing it happen time and time again: 

The Plan.......



.........This is how Shit Happens

 8-) 8-) absolutely outstanding