ring ring "hi, Scotland - Libya here"
"hi libya - hows the weather in Tripoli?"
"never mind that, look you know that guy we sent over to take the fall for Lockerbie?"
"oh yeah"
"well...you know that we know he didnt actually do it....and you know he didnt actually do it.....and the families victims know he didn't actually do it - well, not the American families, obviously we had to pay them billions - dont worry we can afford it, spectacularly rich - all that oil just sloshing around you know"
"go on..."
"well, i think we've pretended long enough - isn't it time we oiled the wheels of justice a little, you know, you scratch our back we'll scratch yours? oils well that ends well....so to speak"
"but, surely the people would suspect? i'm mean...we cant just let the guy go - there'd be riots!!"
"what if you let him out on medical grounds?"
"medical grounds? i saw him just the other day - he looked in fine fettle"
"no he didnt"
"yes he did - 100% - fit as a butchers dog he was!"
"no he wasnt, hes only got weeks to live"
"weeks to live? i really dont know what you....oh, oh i see - yes very clever, nudge nudge wink wink......but wont there be an inquest - all this is highly irregular........"
"dont worry, Scotland, we've spoken to BP, the deals done - just need you to put an official stamp on it, dot the eyes, cross the tees"
"but the inquest?"
"BP'll handle it - they said they've got a little distraction up their sleeve when the time comes..."
the end