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[Gaffers]

Just had a phone call from a scammer trying to tell me that my computer was infected and that I needed to install some software to cure it.  Basically it's a scammer trying to sell you a program which turns out to be malware with either a RAT or keylogger on it.

Here is how the conversation went:

Me:         Hello?
Caller:    Hello can I speak to Mr or Mrs G please?
Me:         I'm sorry you cannot
Caller:    Is that Mr G
Me:         No, sorry
Caller:    Will they be in later?
Me:         I'm afraid not they were both killed in a car accident 2 months ago
Caller:    (unperturbed) Well this call is from Computer Security Systems about a computer being used at this address
Me:         That cant be, I dont have a computer and theirs is none gone
Caller:    Are you sure?
Me:         Yes, thats why they crashed.  He was using the computer while driving down the M4
Caller:    Oh?
Me:         Yes, it would have been ok but their pet monkey was loose and knocked over a cup of coffee on the keyboard.  Thats when they crashed.
Caller:    What?
Me:         Tragic, huh?
Caller:    Uhm.....
Me:         So why were you calling again?
Caller:    Uhm, well there is a problem with a computer at this address and we need to install some software to fix it
Me:         But I told you we dont have a computer, the monkey pee'd on it.
Caller:    I thought the monkey was in the car accident.
Me:         He was, he survived, he lives with me now.  The bastard pee'd on my computer.
Caller:    Oh?
Me:         Do you want to buy a monkey?  Going cheap?
Caller:    Uhm, nope.
Me:         Are you sure?  I'll throw in a month's worth of food for free
Caller:    No thank you.
Me:         Ok how about if I throw in my sister as well, she's fat and missing a lot of her teeth but she makes a fantastic road kill pie.
Caller:    Uhm....
Me:         Whay was it you called about again?
<click>  line dead

Funnily enough he witheld his number 

[Jimbob]

how d'ya keep a straight face!

I just use the line 'why are you lying to me?' and keep repeating it till they get bored..

 

[wakeyomega]

Good one, I'll try that one.
I had one recently, obviously from the sub continent, she opened with her name and the company name, which I didn't understand, so I asked her to repeat it, then i asked her if she could spell it for me, which she did. I then said
"thankyou, now can you spell pneumatic (which , to be fair, she also did correctly!), so then i said
"Ok, can you spell 'Pterodactyl' - at this point she twigged the wind up, but at least she laughed about it before hanging up.

The next time I see INTERNATIONAL on the phone I'm going to answer with "Hello, wakefield police station here, how can I help you"

[Martian]

Superb mate, superb 

I'll have to dig out the recordings of some of the crank calls we used to make to Claranet tech support when we had the quiet days at Redbus many moons ago.

[bob.dent]

Excellent!! 

[Richie London]

very good gaffer.   

[jonnycool]

Excellent, I wish I had the same quick wit when I answer the phone to these idiots. I usually just put the phone down 

[Tony H]

Love it 

[plym ian]

i had one at work the other day he said could i speak to the person in charge of health and safety, i said no cause he fell down the stairs and he's in hospital. he then said oh do you know when he'll be back said no idea cause he's broke his leg. end of call

[Vamps]

Just had a phone call from a scammer trying to tell me that my computer was infected and that I needed to install some software to cure it.  Basically it's a scammer trying to sell you a program which turns out to be malware with either a RAT or keylogger on it.

Here is how the conversation went:

Me:         Hello?
Caller:    Hello can I speak to Mr or Mrs G please?
Me:         I'm sorry you cannot
Caller:    Is that Mr G
Me:         No, sorry
Caller:    Will they be in later?
Me:         I'm afraid not they were both killed in a car accident 2 months ago
Caller:    (unperturbed) Well this call is from Computer Security Systems about a computer being used at this address
Me:         That cant be, I dont have a computer and theirs is none gone
Caller:    Are you sure?
Me:         Yes, thats why they crashed.  He was using the computer while driving down the M4
Caller:    Oh?
Me:         Yes, it would have been ok but their pet monkey was loose and knocked over a cup of coffee on the keyboard.  Thats when they crashed.
Caller:    What?
Me:         Tragic, huh?
Caller:    Uhm.....
Me:         So why were you calling again?
Caller:    Uhm, well there is a problem with a computer at this address and we need to install some software to fix it
Me:         But I told you we dont have a computer, the monkey pee'd on it.
Caller:    I thought the monkey was in the car accident.
Me:         He was, he survived, he lives with me now.  The blank pee'd on my computer.
Caller:    Oh?
Me:         Do you want to buy a monkey?  Going cheap?
Caller:    Uhm, nope.
Me:         Are you sure?  I'll throw in a month's worth of food for free
Caller:    No thank you.
Me:         Ok how about if I throw in my sister as well, she's fat and missing a lot of her teeth but she makes a fantastic road kill pie.
Caller:    Uhm....
Me:         Whay was it you called about again?
<click>  line dead

Funnily enough he witheld his number 

Nice one G, I wish I could keep it up, so to speak, to the end like that.........I would fall about half way through....

[Bionic]

I simply tell them that I build and program PC's as a livelihood and the phone is usually put down on me. If they persist I simply ask "Do you think I am as daft as you you idiot"? If that does not work I then say "Shove your head up your ass and breath deep". That is always positive.
At the end of the day all anyone needs to do is to listen to the first few words then hang up before they can get started with their bullshit.
Anyone taken in by them deserves all they get.......There is plenty of free advice on the net about this subject and more than a few warnings not to become involved from reliable sources such as 'the money saving expert', Which, in fact any consumer affairs program or company. Only people who do not take the time or listen to sound advice become victims and it is simply down to them for being caught out.

[Kevin Wood]

A mate of mine used to have a lot of fun baiting scammers. Have a read here:

http://www.fluke-motorsport.co.uk/temp/scammers.html

 

[Jimbob]

A mate of mine used to have a lot of fun baiting scammers. Have a read here:

http://www.fluke-motorsport.co.uk/temp/scammers.html

 

He's had fun 

[edwardmickey]

I loath the telephone waking me up when I'm on nights to discover an automated voice offering me services that I don't want.  Trouble is, how do you get your number removed from their databases?  I hardly give out my landline number but they still find me!
Apart from unplugging the phone, what's the answer?

[Gaffers]

I loath the telephone waking me up when I'm on nights to discover an automated voice offering me services that I don't want.  Trouble is, how do you get your number removed from their databases?  I hardly give out my landline number but they still find me!
Apart from unplugging the phone, what's the answer?

I have the same issue with the wife as she often sleeps during the day after a trip.  TPS is useless, unplugging your phone is pointless, ear plugs seems to be the best for us as that also drowns out the big fat lump moving around the house me and noises from outside while letting in fresh air