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[Del Boy]

Just had a pick up from opposite my house, everyone is going out for a meal as it was my mums birthday yesterday, anyway my eldest came over to me, "Dad Liam (youngest) isn't coming, says he feels ill", anyway I know for a fact my youngest won't go because he hasn't got the money to pay for himself, I said to my eldest, "tell him I'll give him some money", eldest comes back out and said he just says "I'm not well, got bad guts ache" now there's 10 other family members going, I'm not because I'm at work. How can someone be like that at 17, he doesn't want to go, I know he's not ill because I've just popped in and spoke to him. I dunno why but this makes me quite sad to be honest  I honestly think he's got an issue mentally, he was never ever anything like he is now before all the fall out with his mum 

[tigers_gonads]

Has anything like this happened before ?

[Del Boy]

Has anything like this happened before ?

He won't take any money off of anyone, I honestly struggle to buy him a take away at the minute. He was never like it before, he loved family meals, and get togethers. He says there is nothing wrong with him, but he is totally mentally unstable I can see it, there's a look in his eyes that was never, ever there. Hard to explain, but sort of a murderers eyes if you understand what I mean. I'm honestly worried about this and I hate to see it, if anyone slightly bugs him he flips, never was he like it before his mum split the family up, 17 or not he's still one of my little men and I hate to see him like this.

[tigers_gonads]

I hope i'm looking at this the right way Del but I'd call it a mixture of pride and fustration at been skint. 

Believe me, I know how he feels 

I'd just leave it for a day then have a word when no ones about.
Stick some dosh on the table and tell him you want it back when things get better 

Tell him nobody else knows and will not know.

Make a bit of a joke about it saying he can take you out on the piss when he is back on his feet as interest for the loan 

Just walk out and don't take no for a answer 

[Vamps]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

[tigers_gonads]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

Sorry Del, I didn't know about that bit 

I'd still go with my first idea but as vamps says, maybe have a little word about things and keep a eye on him 

[Del Boy]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

He won't go, I've tried  . I walked in on him the other night crying his eyes out, no reason at all I asked him what's up, "I don't know" was his reply, I honestly don't know what to do, he won't let anyone in his head.

[Richie London]

been there myself. skin and a may offered me the money to go. you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable and you can't enjoy it as much even though i would lend it if it was the other way round.

[tigers_gonads]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

He won't go, I've tried  . I walked in on him the other night crying his eyes out, no reason at all I asked him what's up, "I don't know" was his reply, I honestly don't know what to do, he won't let anyone in his head.

If he is anything like me, the more you try ............. the harder he will push back 

Could he be blameing himself for something ? :-/

[Del Boy]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

He won't go, I've tried  . I walked in on him the other night crying his eyes out, no reason at all I asked him what's up, "I don't know" was his reply, I honestly don't know what to do, he won't let anyone in his head.

If he is anything like me, the more you try ............. the harder he will push back 

Could he be blameing himself for something ? :-/

That's what I've wondered but I struggle to see what if he is, basically what went on was, he walked in on his mum with someone who's 5 years older than him, big row occurred, stayed at his mums for a while, she invited the new fella around, my son kicked off she got him arressted, then kicked him out, kept saying he could come back, but she just wouldn't let him, he's been with me ever since. Although since being with me she has got me arrested kicked off at my son again and that's about it.

[Vamps]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

He won't go, I've tried  . I walked in on him the other night crying his eyes out, no reason at all I asked him what's up, "I don't know" was his reply, I honestly don't know what to do, he won't let anyone in his head.

If he is anything like me, the more you try ............. the harder he will push back 

Could he be blameing himself for something ? :-/

That's what I've wondered but I struggle to see what if he is, basically what went on was, he walked in on his mum with someone who's 5 years older than him, big row occurred, stayed at his mums for a while, she invited the new fella around, my son kicked off she got him arressted, then kicked him out, kept saying he could come back, but she just wouldn't let him, he's been with me ever since. Although since being with me she has got me arrested kicked off at my son again and that's about it.

    I think that is about enough, do you not? his head / emotions must me all over the place..... He needs to speak to someone with a 'listening ear' not you or any other close or family member, after all he can't trust close family, they let him down...
You can't force him, he needs the idea putting to him by being gently drip fed, he may do something silly, which may be the 'wake up call' he needs to accept some help / support.  Good Luck..

[tigers_gonads]

 

I can see why his head is in pieces 

I'd tell him personally that he had every right to react like he did.

It must have scared the sh*t out of he been nicked like that on his mothers orders 

What sort of lad was he before all this sh*t ?
Quite, loud, withdrawn, friends / girlfriends ?

[twiglet]

I don't really know you Del, but I'd like to say how sorry I am to hear about the situation you find yourself in. From your posts I have read, you seem like a stand up guy, and certainly don't deserve this!

At 17, most of us found life a bit difficult at the best of times, what with pubity and hormones and what not. I agree that your son needs to speak to someone impartial, but the hard bit is getting him there in the first place.

As far as being matally unstable, I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but it sounds like it's his mother that has the bigger problem on that count!!

All the best mate. 

[Del Boy]

It sounds to me as if he has some issues with the separation of Mum and Dad and may need some reassurance...........   it is very difficult to provide any informed advice or suggestion without knowing a lot more about the wider situation......

If seriously worried, take him to the GP for a referral to CAMHS....

He won't go, I've tried  . I walked in on him the other night crying his eyes out, no reason at all I asked him what's up, "I don't know" was his reply, I honestly don't know what to do, he won't let anyone in his head.

If he is anything like me, the more you try ............. the harder he will push back 

Could he be blameing himself for something ? :-/

That's what I've wondered but I struggle to see what if he is, basically what went on was, he walked in on his mum with someone who's 5 years older than him, big row occurred, stayed at his mums for a while, she invited the new fella around, my son kicked off she got him arressted, then kicked him out, kept saying he could come back, but she just wouldn't let him, he's been with me ever since. Although since being with me she has got me arrested kicked off at my son again and that's about it.

    I think that is about enough, do you not? his head / emotions must me all over the place..... He needs to speak to someone with a 'listening ear' not you or any other close or family member, after all he can't trust close family, they let him down...
You can't force him, he needs the idea putting to him by being gently drip fed, he may do something silly, which may be the 'wake up call' he needs to accept some help / support.  Good Luck..

I know it was quite enough, just catching another man I'm the house whilst I was at work was enough! Let alone what else that so called 'mother' done to him!

Totally have told him he could react in anyway he deemed necessary, but I also said to him at the time, see how it goes first, now when she was genuinely flirting with another man in a house I was paying for, and whilst his mate was there, how would that of made him feel, awful and I can't really imagine that myself.

Twiglet - Thanks mate

[Del Boy]

I can see why his head is in pieces 

I'd tell him personally that he had every right to react like he did.

It must have scared the sh*t out of he been nicked like that on his mothers orders 

What sort of lad was he before all this sh*t ?
Quite, loud, withdrawn, friends / girlfriends ?

How was he before? Just a normal 16 year old really, never been in any major bother, few fights (although he was so laid-back, people would really have to get to him before he got wound up) very popular with the ladies, lots of friends.