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[VX1]

Why is it that the over 17's seem to think that they know everything? My stepson iss 18 and for the past 2 years (approx) he has been to Berkshire college of agricultre (BCA) learnt the basics on becoming a landscape gardener then went back to school in 6 form college to study sports and fitness and now he is going to go back to BCA for another year to further his knowledge on landscaping. When he first went to BCA he was told by the course tutor that he would be attending college for three days and the other days to look for a job with a landscaping business, todate he has not done this. Now he has informed me that he now has something sorted out for this but he can't do it because he has a broken hand, (self inflicked by smashing his hand against a wall at school.)  

Why am I writing this you all say to yourselves, well its better than getting up and punching the cr@p out of him as this is how he makes me feel   . Is there any other member out there that has the same problem? If so please please can you help me from killing the little sh@t as he winds me up all the time. I know hitting him is not the answer but you don't have to live with him. BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE FOR THESE UNBEARABLE TEENAGERS.

[Dave-C]

Our 21 year old, my stepson, has always called me DAD....  he's a great lad, he's in the RAF based at Wittering, been to Falklands and Afghanistan already, now attached to the RAF REGIMENT with MCSU...  got his own new Corsa, he's really made something of himself and it's turned him into a man...  I've had the advantage of knowing him since he was 2 years old, this has enabled us to give him a strict NO MESSING regimented upbringing.  I wouldn't like to have come into the relationship when he was 8 ish, the damage would have been done by his a55hole father by then, it could have been very different indeed....    Take my advice, be firm, but, fair, show him you care,  make yourself care.... I'm sure that deep in there, there is a good human being that just needs honeing...  Had our frustrating times too, just stick in there....   Watch this space, also got a 13 and 9 year old boys :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/   Will be totally bald soon, wife will leave me, doesn't like bald men.....    I will retire to a farm in my caravan and buy a goat for love...

DC

[Timbuk]

I have a 17 year old chav daughter, and yes she is troublesome or should i say was, dare i say it she seems to be growing out of it, she refused to finish school, has been in trouble with the police on numerous occasions and ignores everything you say. Most recent episode was when we were at the lakes Complaints from the neighbours yet again on our return about loud music   Slowly but surely she is getting better, she now has a job and is paying her way.I just think it is a wait and see situation :-?

[VX1]

Thanks for that guy's. But yes I have been with him since he was 2 years old as well. Same situation as yourself his father was, well still is a a55hole, but yes again he totally ignores myself and his mother, he thinks he know's it all, arogant, imature (still) needs to grow up and has such a bad attitude to everyone and he thinks that everyone is against him. He has been in trouble with the police for shoplifting put in the cell's, which we thought would make him relise and shake him up a bit but it never. As I said in the first post if he HAD to join the army he would be a different person and made him into a man and take responbility for himself. He has no job not even a part time job sponging off his mother and we just can't afford to do it as we are not in well paid job's and never will be.

[Paul M]

LOL wasn't so long ago I was like that myself.... come to think of it only a few months ago I got a complaint about the noise from the council cos I was having a party in the flat  

[STMO123]

LOL wasn't so long ago I was like that myself.... come to think of it only a few months ago I got a complaint about the noise from the council cos I was having a party in the flat  

Hmmm.....both the wife and me had to go to work today without any sleep at all, due to our young neighbours.

Fair do's to the council though, they had a rep round there by 10 o'clock this morning and the warning they got was FINAL!!!!

YES!!!!  idiotS

[Andy B]

Why is it that the over 17's seem to think that they know everything?  . .......

They do! ........ don't they?  
We've been very fortunate with our 18 yr old daughter, she's done her best in school & now in college & has always been  great kid to have around. Our 19 yr old son however [size=16]hasn't[/size]
He's been a right Royal pain in the arse!!   But I have to say that I think things have finally (fingers & toes crossed  :-?) that we've turned the corner with him. He went to the Royal Navy careers office today to do psychometric tests, which he passed & so will be going back for an interview & then if successful he'll be back for medicals.
I'm sure your stepson will also sort things out in the end.

[Golfbuddy]

Well me and the missus must be total gluttons for punishment. We have fostered teenagers, between 13 and 18, for the past 6 years and also find them really difficult at times.

I have come to the conclusion that the best you can do for them is to show them the way and hope that they don't lose the map. Whilst most of us were not angels when we were younger we find it difficult to equate our teenage behaviour with that of the youth of today. Most of us just wanted to have fun and we didn't care for or want adult approval of our activities.

Hang in there buddy, it will get better all of a sudden and, whilst you may never be best of mates, the two of you may eventually understand each others feelings.

Of course, you could just kick the S#1T out of him, at least you will feel better

[VX1]

Of course, you could just kick the S#1T out of him, at least you will feel better [/quote]

My sentiments exactly!! BUT as they all say 'Violence does not solve anything'

Trouble is we have tried to show him the way and he has burnt the map and now wants to do what HE wants to do, which in my view is the wrong way he is going. The difficulty isn't the non parent approval it's the attitude towards myself and his mother. I met his mother 16 years ago now (when he was 2 yrs old) and he started to call me DAD. This was great I felt good inside and happy   . Until his father wanted to start seeing him after about 2 years, thats when the trouble started with him. Now he is still the same argumentative, ignorant, bad attitude does what he wants to do. I know we all used to do the same thing when we were all teenagers BUT we learnt from our mistakes and made a promise to ourselves that when we have kids we will not let them do what we used to and steer them in the right direction, which some of our kids we have succesefuly done, but the other's (mainly the boy's) they seem to think that, and say, 'I'll do what the f@#k I want and you tw?@s aren't going to tell me otherwise'. Is this the teenagers of today or have we failed in some way? Is there anything else we can do for them? I think not apart from stringing them up and giveing them 60 lashes with the cat o nine tails and telling them how much of a little b'stard they have been then let them loose and tell them how much we love them. Would that sort them out do you think?

[Golfbuddy]

If we had the answers we would be millionaires as a wise man once said. As I see it, at the age of 17 you are no longer a child, although we know that they have so much to learn. The thing is that it is his life, you can advise him and council him and hopefully help him if he will let you but you can't live his life for him.

You have known this young man since he was at least two years old. You had such high aspirations for him, you were not going to let him make the same mistakes you saw others make when you were that age, I'm sure you have devoted most of you best years to him, and what do you get in return? A massive smack in the face and a 'Fook you Pal'.

I think you are just about right in your summing up of what you can do. Tell him how you feel, and then tell him how much you love him and that you will be there for him when he needs your support. It may be worth talking to his tutor at college who will be able to tell you if he is having any problems there (You never know).

After that, try not to argue with him, you know teenagers are always right, so there is no point. Respond positively to good behaviour and try to ignore the bad. Bloody hard I know but there you have it.

One last thing, I had a quick google and pulled this out, http://www.surreycounsellingnetwork.co.uk/scn/contact.htm I hope it helps.

All the best

[TOOL]

I remember my lad at 17  >:(knew it all,didnt need any help,in trouble with the police and came close to getting a thump off me on a number of occasions
lucky for both of us it never quite got that far.
He's 25 now and is a all round nice fella  
My point being,just have some patience and hope fully every thing will work out for you  






or just thump the bu**er and sort it LOL  

[Jay w]

I have known my 17 year old stepson for 9 years now, i have played a large part in his developing years and he knows that i have a no messing attitude.

He left school and wanted to be a mechanic, managed to mess that up  
Then decided to go back to school, didnt bother turning up
Then tried to get onto a government scheme, messed that up
Now is trying to get a job.

On the flip side he is very handy around the house, he is helping my wife a lot with her M.E. and seems to be maturing, i hope that in time he will grow out of his current miserable moody attitude, in the same way i hope his red hair grows out!!

  

[Andy B]

I have known my 17 year old stepson ........  
and seems to be maturing, i hope that in time he will grow out of his current miserable moody attitude, in the same way i hope his red hair grows out!!

  

I wouldn't hold my breath for the next coupe of years!          

[amigov6]

I have known my 17 year old stepson ........  
and seems to be maturing, i hope that in time he will grow out of his current miserable moody attitude, in the same way i hope his red hair grows out!!

  

I wouldn't hold my breath for the next coupe of years!          

I was 22 when my son was born but split up with his mum a year later. Kept out the way(not easy) til he was nearly 5 when she decided she did'nt want to be a mum anymore so igave up work, court, custody, etc & became a single dad. Called into school most afternoons 'cos he'd been "difficult" again & again...........went back to his mum at 13 'cos i was ready to choke the little f****r, came back to me at 15, resented the entire universe (& knew better).
       Embarked on various training schemes but f****d them all off 'cos he knew better, but now he's 22 himself he's holding down a half decent job & is gradually losing the chips from his shoulder.
         I still love him, he's got his mums looks & my size so i do'nt think i'd smack him now!!!
              Hang on in there.

[Andy B]

......... Called into school most afternoons 'cos he'd been "difficult" again & again.....

Me too. I used to be on first names with his teachers ... some of 'em used to be mine!!  

....
, but now he's 22 himself he's holding down a half decent job & is gradually losing the chips from his shoulder.
         I still love him, he's got his mums looks & my size so i do'nt think i'd smack him now!!!
              Hang on in there.

I don't think my lad had lost thoughts of the RN, but I also think that the thoughts of another winter working outside picking up recycled newspaper from all our doorsteps also had it part to play. Like wise the chip is going too and he's stronger than me  :-?