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[STMO123]

While on a routine patrol one night, a police officer parked outside a bar. After last call he noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, and even though it was a fine dry summer night, he switched the wipers on and off, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I seriously doubt it," said the man in a sober voice. "Tonight I was the designated decoy."

With thanks to Martin Newbould (ABS)

[Baron Von Spongebob]

 

[tunnie]

 

[Taxi_Driver]

Nice one STM  

I remember this from years back.....when mobiles where this size of house bricks and fooking expensive....

And this is true.....

Pub i used to work at weekends......had a drinking sess going on a sat night.....not late....but lounge bar filled up with members of the local constabulary.....beer and spirits were flowing nicely.....bout 11.30 myself and other barstaff were getting nervous.....coz landlord had gone out on a 'walkabout' to other pubs.....do we carry on serving or refuse?....anyway our prayers were answered when one the officers asked me if we had phone he could use.....i said sure use the one behind the bar....let him behind the bar and showed where it was.....he tried to talk quietly but i overheard the conversation.....dont know who he called.....but the bit i overheard was....'no cars are to be stopped for the next hour'  
Then they all left and drove off......im sure this doesnt go on these days.....  

[STMO123]

Nice one STM  

I remember this from years back.....when mobiles where this size of house bricks and fooking expensive....

And this is true.....

Pub i used to work at weekends......had a drinking sess going on a sat night.....not late....but lounge bar filled up with members of the local constabulary.....beer and spirits were flowing nicely.....bout 11.30 myself and other barstaff were getting nervous.....coz landlord had gone out on a 'walkabout' to other pubs.....do we carry on serving or refuse?....anyway our prayers were answered when one the officers asked me if we had phone he could use.....i said sure use the one behind the bar....let him behind the bar and showed where it was.....he tried to talk quietly but i overheard the conversation.....dont know who he called.....but the bit i overheard was....'no cars are to be stopped for the next hour'  
Then they all left and drove off......im sure this doesnt go on these days.....  

No...not much

I once saw a copper come out of a country pub and I'm sure he was pissed cause it took him three goes to get on his horse

[hotel21]

     

Yup. Have heard them before but still raises a Frankie Howerd titter or two....  

Afraid my teeth are too long these days and have heard 99.99% of them but still amusing on the re-read.  Doubtfull if such antics occur as regularly as they used to - too much pension to loose if captured - but who knows.

No doubt some other members on here will have an opinion on the matter that they deem we are entitled to!!        

[Taxi_Driver]

Nice one STM  

I remember this from years back.....when mobiles where this size of house bricks and fooking expensive....

And this is true.....

Pub i used to work at weekends......had a drinking sess going on a sat night.....not late....but lounge bar filled up with members of the local constabulary.....beer and spirits were flowing nicely.....bout 11.30 myself and other barstaff were getting nervous.....coz landlord had gone out on a 'walkabout' to other pubs.....do we carry on serving or refuse?....anyway our prayers were answered when one the officers asked me if we had phone he could use.....i said sure use the one behind the bar....let him behind the bar and showed where it was.....he tried to talk quietly but i overheard the conversation.....dont know who he called.....but the bit i overheard was....'no cars are to be stopped for the next hour'  
Then they all left and drove off......im sure this doesnt go on these days.....  

No...not much

I once saw a copper come out of a country pub and I'm sure he was pissed cause it took him three goes to get on his horse

Did he find the hole for the ignition key ok tho