Without wanting to offend any Police colleagues who may or may not poke their head above the woodwork, heres a forwarded joke that I personally found amusing. Please reword to suit the circumstances or persons in your own workplace or pub or supporters club or whatever.....
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Police Monkeys
A tourist visiting a far away county in the heart of god knows where walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Police Sergeant walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a Traffic Patrol monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to the cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted it with a collar and leash, handed it to the officer saying, "That'll be £5,000 please Sergeant"
The Sergeant paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey is a class One Pursuit car driver, class One Motorcyclist, qualified breath test operator, can write twenty tickets a week, able to spot a dodgy Tachograph chart at 500 paces, can deploy Stinger at a moments notice, knows all there is to know on traffic legislation, T-PAC trained and is authorised by the Chief Constable to issue Prohibition notices on unroadworthy vehicles- well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That ones even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that ones a firearms training monkey , it can instruct other monkeys in Basic Firearms Skills, Counter Terrorism Training, Physical Training, Small Unit Tactics and investigative techniques, and even type. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist turned and saw another monkey, with the price tag of £15,000. "That one must be even better? What does it do?"
"That one is a general duties monkey, he is required to know everything about anything, be there yesterday and then duplicate the information 12 times before tomorrow, relay the same information to 20 different departments, write reports about everything that the old monkeys cant see anymore, be in 5 different places at once, get yelled at by everyone who passes by, and takes the blame for everything all the other monkeys do wrong."
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a fourth monkey in a cage of it's own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do f**k all yet, but it says it's a Detective!"
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Topic: Police Monkeys (Read 2546 times)