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[Baron Von Spongebob]

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."

[amigov6]

 :DProbably something to do with the pecking order.

[Crazydad]

Whats the difference between a snake and a traffic jam..................................


with the snake the arse is at the back.................................

[Crazydad]

       Bra & Hat        

          
What did the bra say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift."

[Crazydad]

Blonde in Your Fridge      

       
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?

A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.

[Crazydad]

       Name That Animal, Kids        

          
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"

"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"A horny b@stard!" called out Eddie.

[Crazydad]

Desert Island Rescue      

       
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit....

    Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."

    Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

    Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

    Man: "Oh thank you so much!"

    Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"

    Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

    Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

    Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

    Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

[Baron Von Spongebob]

 

[Crazydad]

       Welsh Drivers        

          
The  Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an Car accident.
89% of the people in the country said: ''Oh, shit!''

In South Wales  94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''  

[Baron Von Spongebob]

After getting all of the Pope luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the f***ing Pope as a chauffeur!!"

[Crazydad]

 

[bertiecbx550]

i`m gonna tell that one to my sisterinlaw she s a devout irish catholic......