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[Baron Von Spongebob]

Breakfast
  A 7 year old boy and his 4 year old brother are upstairs in their bed room. The 7 year old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7 year old says, "When we go down stairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say "Hell" and you say "ass." The 4 year old happily agrees.

As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their Mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7 year old replies, "Ah hell, mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."

"WHACK!" The surprised mother reacts quickly. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?" "I don't know," the 4 year old blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it's not gonna be Cheerios."
 

[maria]

I like it , that made me laugh , any more

[Baron Von Spongebob]

One morning in a posh hotel breakfast room, a guest called over the head waiter. "Good morning, sir! I'd like to order two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it's
runny, and the other so overcooked that it's tough. I also want some rubbery bacon, burnt toast, and butter that's so cold it's impossible to spread. Finally, I'll have a pot of extra-weak coffee, served at room temperature."

The bewildered waiter almost stuttered. "Sir! We cannot serve such an awful breakfast to you here!"

"Why not?" the guest replied. "That's what I got here yesterday!"

[maria]

  i loved that one

[Baron Von Spongebob]

One morning little Johnny comes walking down the stairs to find his breakfast not on the table.
He looks over at his mother and says “Hey mom, where is my breakfast?”
His mother looks at him and says “Well, you won’t get your breakfast until you finish your chores.”
Johnny walks out of the house and heads down to the barn to do his chores.
He goes in an gets the chicken feed and walks into the pens. All the chickens quickly gather aroung him not letting him get to the food bowl so he kicks one of them out of the way and pours it on the ground.
Next, he gets the pig feed and goes in to feed the pigs. Once again, all the pigs gather around him. So, he kicks one out of the way and pours it on the ground.
Finally, he grabs the cow’s feed and walks into the pen and the milk cow corners him. He kicks her out of the way and pours the food on the ground.
Happy that he was finally finished he races into the house to eat breakfast. Upon getting to the table he finds a plate with a piece of toast on it. He turns to his mother and says “Where is the rest of it?”
“Well, you kicked the chickens so you get no eggs, you kicked the pigs so you get no bacon, and you kicked the cow so you get no milk.”
About that time Johnny’s father comes walking down the stairs and finds the pussy cat sitting right in the middle of the stair case. So, he kicks him out of the way.
Little Johhny turns to his mother and says “You want me to tell him or are you going to?”

[justme]

and more

[Baron Von Spongebob]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion

[maria]

That made me laugh i had tears in my eyes

[Baron Von Spongebob]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman met up for their lunch break every day at work. One lunch break, the Englishman says "Oh no! Not ham sandwiches again! If I get ham sandwiches tomorrow I'll kill myself!" The Scotsman opens his and says "Oh man! Not haggis sandwiches again! If I get haggis sandwiches tomorrow I'm going to kill myself!" The Irishman opens his and exclaims "No way! Potato salad sandwiches! AGAIN! If I get these tomorrow I'm going to kill myself!"
The next day they all met up again, and the Englishman opens his lunch. "Ham sandwiches!? Right then!" he yells and throws himself off a cliff. The Scotsman opens his lunch. "Haggis sandwiches again! Thats it!" and he shoots himself. "What? Potato salad again?" cries the Irishman upon discovering his lunch, and he hangs himself.

At the funeral, the wives were huddled together crying. "I don't get it," said the Englishman's wife. "Why didn't he just tell me?" The Scotsmans's wife agreed. "I know, he should have just said something. I don't understand it!" The Irishman's wife joined in. "I don't understand!" she said. "He made his own sandwiches!"

[amigov6]

A window cleaner is cleaning the local vicarage windows. Whilst doing the upstairs he sees the vicar pleasuring himself with an adult publication. When he's finished he knocks on the vicarage door for payment & asks for £200. "That seems very steep" said the vicar, "I saw you upstairs" says the window cleaner. So the vicar pays the £200.
     That afternoon a local lady parishoner is putting flowers in the church & comments to the vicar on how clean his windows are & asked who cleaned them. "a local man from the village" says the vicar. "was he expensive?" asks the lady. Unable to lie the vicar replies "£200"
    "£200?" the lady replies, "He must have seen you coming"!!!