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[Martin_1962]

You know - really get someone well or a lot of people well?

Waiting for the stories

[GastronomicKleptomaniac]

One of the lads in my college course... at times he could be a bit "light". We were doing the H&S module, he wondered precisely why hi-visibility jackets were so important. I turn to him and say "they're bulletproof, thats why". He says "...really?" Me - "Yeah. The hi-vis coating is made of Kevlar, thats how it gets the colour, and the side effect is they're bulletproof. It's why the police wear them now."
 He thinks for a second, scratches his chin, turns to our tutor... "Dave, are hi-vis jackets bulletproof?"...  

[Jay w]

my favourte pastime is a good wind up....and being a tariner/tutor I get me delegates going from the word go...

best one was when I was working for a company who had very strong oriental influence, every building had  to be subject to a fung-shui (spelt wrong) ceremony before being commissioned.
having told a new group of delegates this I decede to take it one step further, in the car park there were speakers for the security gards to shout at people if required, I told them that before work we offered tia-chi lessons and that was where the harmonic whale music was piped through, went on to explain it wasn't compulsory but it helped to set people up for the day.....
Next day there are 20 people milling round the car park limbering up ready for the music to start and trying to avoid drivers who are half asleep, I am by the window watching this go off when one of the managers comes along and asks why my group are in the carpark? I explained what I had done and so we sat there and waited until one of them went to security to ask when the music will start...security had no idea what was going on.
finally we let them in on the giggle when we told them over the tannoy that there was no session they were fuming and I couldn't stop laughing at them

[Craig_R]

We used to have a lad at college and he fell for everything

One time we sent him to the lighting shop to get a 3 foot fallopian light tube and he went off to the shop and asked for one and the owner must of twigged as he came back and said they olny have 2 foot and 4 foot fallopian tubes in stock.

Another Time a tech asked him to get an inner tube for his menstrual cycle.

[Jay w]

and if you hve worked in a garage you will be well aware of these....
glass hammer
tartan paint
striped paint
gap for a spark plug
bubble for a spirit level
sky hook
long wait
left handed screwdriver
radiator for an old beetle

I have lost count how many apprentices have fallen foul of these over the years

[Craig_R]

I thought it was a long stand not a long wait but there are sooo many of these.

The one they do on the oil rigs is can you get some barbles for the chirstmas tree, if you have worked on an Oil Rig you will know what a Chirstmas Tree Is

[Jay w]

We used to have a lad at college and he fell for everything

One time we sent him to the lighting shop to get a 3 foot fallopian light tube and he went off to the shop and asked for one and the owner must of twigged as he came back and said they olny have 2 foot and 4 foot fallopian tubes in stock.

Another Time a tech asked him to get an inner tube for his menstrual cycle.

I have just sprayed my lunch all over the place.....haven't laughed so much in ages

[Allenm]

One for the (older) techies.

Used to send trainees off to get a new parity when a tape drive reported a parity error.
another classic, was one of us would walk up to a tape drive, say "unload" at it, while another unloaded it remotely.  10 minutes is the best time for a numpty to be standing shouting at a tape drive

[megaomega123]

When I was a chef in the Army, every newbie was asked to chop some flour  

[Danny]

I had someone convinced that the chuckle brothers were father and son

my former friend went from being an alright kid to a young adult with not a care in the world, no job, blowing his dole on drugs, the typical scum-to-be!

he let slip to me that he stole a bike that i found sat in his shed, so i wrote him a nasty note from the "owner" saying "followed you and your mate with my bike, i know where you live, i know what you look like, leave the bike at morrisons friday at 1pm or you will get hurt"

he found the note on the thursday night through his letterbox at about half 11 and panicked, ran down to his mates that was with him at time of theft, banged on the door and got his mum out of bed and told her he'd stole the bike so his mum battered him around the head and made him take it to the police the next day, they did, but said they'd found it behind the mate's house!!

in that same week, i also faked an eviction notice letter and sent it to his flat, stamped and addressed, and he had to stay in all day waiting for the council so he could stop himself being evicted, having no idea it was just a prank, til i told him 3 weeks later!

[Andy B]

When I was on HMS Fearless
we sent one lad to different people for about 3 days trying to get the keys for the snooker room before the penny dropped.    

[Danny]

hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

[MikeDundee]

Some of the ones mentioned I have already used and heard, but when we had new labourers, we'd tell them to go to the site office and ask the secretary for the fulopian tube water measure

[omegalord]

I started working full time at the age of 18 and worked my way up in a casino to Manager. I had the job of training the croupiers and on a few ocasions had myself crying with laughter.

First one i asked a lad to go upto Boots for a fallopian tube for a chipping macine   , backfired on me a bit as they called security and i had to go up and explain it was all my fault.

Second , asked various trainee croupiers to water the plants (they were plastic)

And third which was the funniest , i told the croupiers that to get the different coloured chips you had to shout down the hole that the chips get scooped into. The sight of a new recruit shouting yellow.... yello....bloody thing...YELOW YELLOW!  


Oh and when i used to run the poker room i faked the general managers signature and put a note on the staff room wall , eages are to be dropped by 25% due to a bad losing streak. Got bo**ocked for that though  
Matt

[amigov6]

and if you hve worked in a garage you will be well aware of these....
glass hammer
tartan paint
striped paint
gap for a spark plug
bubble for a spirit level
sky hook
long wait
left handed screwdriver
radiator for an old beetle

I have lost count how many apprentices have fallen foul of these over the years

I Can Only add:-
Wire Mesh kettle & a pint of pigeons milk.