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[Crazydad]

Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.


2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.


3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.


4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.


5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.


6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.


7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.


8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.


9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.


10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.


11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.


12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.


13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.


14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.


15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

[Marie]

But i dont know any good clean jokes.....

[Crazydad]

i will see if i can tell you some new Clean ones then

[Crazydad]

One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mum, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other?"

His mother ,very surprised, replies; "Honey you know how fat daddy is, I'm jumping on top of him to help him lose weight".

The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why...

"Mum that's not going to help, because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work, and blows him back up again!"

[Crazydad]

Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a blowjob?"

"No", says the secretary.

"Great, Let's do lunch." the boss says.

[Marie]

 

[maria]

I love it   more

[CaptainZok]

Little Girl walks into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper;
"Have you got a wickle wabbit vat I can puvchase pvease?"
Shopkeeper feels sorry for the little girl and replies
"Yes, would you like a bvown wickle wabbit, a bvack wickle wabbit, a white wickle wabbit, ov a nice wickle fwyfy gway one maybe?"
Little girl replies
" Pevsonally, I don't fink my pet Pyfon gives a f**k."

[Crazydad]

This couple have just met in a bar, really hit it off and gone back to her place to have wild, passionate sex. After they have finished he lies back with a smug look on his face, "I guess that was just about the best sex you have ever had," he says. "What makes you say that?" asks the woman.

"Well, every time we did it, I couldn't help notice how it made your toes curl," he explains.

"Oh," says the woman, "that was just because most men wait to take off my Knickers first."

[maria]

Very good

[Crazydad]

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities.....

"Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day!

[Crazydad]

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man,"And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

[Marie]

brills thats great the one before (he types to quick or i read to slow!

[Crazydad]

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.

When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.

And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

[Doodley]

a little girl and boy dressed in long t shirts are playing in a sandpit outside their homes.

whilst playing, the little boy spots something between the girls legs, he asks: "what is that between your legs?"
she replies; "i dont know i will ask mummy when i get home". then she glances down and asks the same question to the boy; "whats that between your legs"?
Boy replies "i dont know, i'll ask daddy when i go home.

girl gets home and says mummy whats this between my legs?
Mummy replies: thats your garage & your not allowed to let any trucks park in it.

Boy gets home & asks: daddy, whats this between my legs. Dad replies: well son, thats your truck and you've got to park it in as many garages as you can.

Next day at the sandpit, boy asks girl if she found out what it was between her legs. Girl tells him its her garage and shes not allowed to let any trucks park in it.

There is loads of screaming, both parents go rushing over to the sand pit and ask what is going on.

Little girl says he tried to park his truck in my garage so i ripped of his wheels!