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[Crazydad]

...
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
...
...
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
...

OH worth their weight in gold

[Debs.]

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, 'Mary. Mary.'

'Is that you, Fred?'

'Yes, I've come back, just like we agreed.'

'What's it like?'

'Well, I get up in the morning...
I have sex...I have breakfast...then, off to
the golf course...I have sex...I bathe in
the sun, and then I have sex twice-more....
I have lunch, another go `round the
golf course, then sex pretty
much all afternoon. After supper, `golf course again. Then have sex until
late at night. The next day it starts all-over again.'

'Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.'
'
'
'
'
'
'Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk.'

[Crazydad]

Thats got to be the best to date

[mrjimbo]

Two old chaps have been for afew beers after a game of bowls. Whilst driving home they knock a young black boy off his bike and in a panic they shove the young black boy and his bike in the boot along with the bowling balls. As they drive along the are pulled over by the old bill who search the car. When he opens the boot the PC gets on his radio "Sarge, I've found a niggers nest, one has hatched and it's already nicked a fu$%£ng bike"

[Debs.]

Two old chaps have been for afew beers after a game of bowls. Whilst driving home they knock a young black boy off his bike and in a panic they shove the young black boy and his bike in the boot along with the bowling balls. As they drive along the are pulled over by the old bill who search the car. When he opens the boot the PC gets on his radio "Sarge, I've found a niggers nest, one has hatched and it's already nicked a fu$%£ng bike"

Brilliant, pure genius!  

[Debs.]

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled Her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your license?

Lady: what does it look like?

Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through Her bag and pulls out Her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says: "Well, if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn`t have pulled you over".

[Crazydad]

Here comes the good ones   PMSL  

[Debs.]

Oi!.....I resemble that joke!  

[Debs.]

Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin.

Steve falls off a girder and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me,"

Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

"Well not exactly," Kevin said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.

She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'

And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'."

[mrjimbo]

An old retired sailor puts on his uniform and goes down the docks once more for old time sake. He hires a prostitue and takes her to a room. He's going at it the best he can for chap his age. The old sailer asks " How am i doing ?"
The prostitute replies "Well sailor, you're doing about 3 knots"
"3knots ?" he says "Whats that supposed to mean?"
the prostitute replies "You're knot hard, You're knot in and You're not getting you're fu%£$ng money back"

[Crazydad]

Oh now thats wicked, good but wicked





Well done Debs, 100 Posts

[mrjimbo]

An Irishman is rowing a boat across a field of hay when another irishman drives past and stops. He looks over at the irishman in the boat and says "it's thick tw%£s like you that give us a bad name. I'd come over there and kick the fu%k out of you if i could swim"

[Debs.]

An old retired sailor puts on his uniform and goes down the docks once more for old time sake. He hires a prostitue and takes her to a room. He's going at it the best he can for chap his age. The old sailer asks " How am i doing ?"
The prostitute replies "Well sailor, you're doing about 3 knots"
"3knots ?" he says "Whats that supposed to mean?"
the prostitute replies "You're knot hard, You're knot in and You're not getting you're fu%£$ng money back"

Hahahahahahahaaha!  

[mrjimbo]

A link to Robert DiNero on Saturday night American TV show  


  http://www.truveo.com/snl-robert-dinero-monologue/id/1652219305  


                      

[lee4206]

 What did the elephant say to the naked man
How do you breath through something so small


 A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife