A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going
to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other female
friends in addition to my fiancée and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry".
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house
and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?"
"I don't like her."
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said,
You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"
The judge continued,
"You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a
spanner."
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You ****ing
b*stard!!!"
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and
said,
"Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime,
but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall
charge you with contempt
Now what is the problem?"
Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen
years
I lived next door to that b*stard.
And every time I asked to borrow a *****ing spanner, he said he didn't
have one!"
******************************************
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.
After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for
another beer.
This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him,
Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there.
When she starts to look attractive I'll go home."
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Topic: jokes (Read 579 times)