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Author Topic: i need a wife  (Read 1725 times)

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Richie London

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i need a wife
« on: 04 July 2008, 09:11:42 »
anyone know any julia roberts lookalikes, must really into houswork, ive done nothing here since monday when i started back on nights, i need someone by sunday as ive got a full wash basket needs doing and im gonna end up pulling a muscle keep getting up to get a beer  ;D ;D ;D

and she must be immune from getting headaches
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Jimbob

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #1 on: 04 July 2008, 09:14:02 »
www.mailorderrussianbrides.com

was a joke but that url exists  ;D ;D ;D
« Last Edit: 04 July 2008, 09:14:59 by jimbob »
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #2 on: 04 July 2008, 09:20:53 »
He's a tight sod though, he doesnt want to pay.   ;D ;D ;D
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Marks DTM Calib

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #3 on: 04 July 2008, 09:27:48 »
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He's a tight sod though, he doesnt want to pay.   ;D ;D ;D

No such thing as a cheap wife!

Even more expensive to get rid of  ;D
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #4 on: 04 July 2008, 09:29:15 »
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Quote
He's a tight sod though, he doesnt want to pay.   ;D ;D ;D

No such thing as a cheap wife!

Even more expensive to get rid of  ;D

You've just reminded me why I opted to stay single.   ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Richie London

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #5 on: 04 July 2008, 09:30:46 »
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He's a tight sod though, he doesnt want to pay.   ;D ;D ;D

i was wondering what you was gonna say, im not that tight. i used to let my x have my razors  after i finished with them,made her legs look like she'd been in the sun too long.   ;D ;D ;D
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Marks DTM Calib

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #6 on: 04 July 2008, 09:31:53 »
They also have a jobs list which is a barrel register (computer speak), as soon as you reach the end you have to start back at the top again.

For those with a wife I recommend a good garage or shed to make ownership more bearable. ;D
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Gaffers

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #7 on: 04 July 2008, 09:36:51 »
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www.mailorderrussianbrides.com

was a joke but that url exists  ;D ;D ;D

and you know that because...............................??  ::) ::) ::) ::)
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #8 on: 04 July 2008, 09:41:34 »
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He's a tight sod though, he doesnt want to pay.   ;D ;D ;D

i was wondering what you was gonna say, im not that tight. i used to let my x have my razors  after i finished with them,made her legs look like she'd been in the sun too long.   ;D ;D ;D

I rest my case.

Anyway, we could all have a word with Lizzie for you, she would straighten you out.

The place would get tideied up, the fridge would be full of healthy food, and all the four trays of beer you just bought would be tipped down the sink.  The dirty mags under your bed would be gone.

Then I could just imagine her putting some contact adhesive in the service area of the inflatable stress aid to put a stop to that problem you have.  coz after a few days of trying to remove it then you would never do it gain.   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Just think advertising for a wife, you could end up with a Lizzie.  You havent done your homework have you.   ;D ;D ;D
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Richie London

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #9 on: 04 July 2008, 09:41:40 »
the thing is you meet someone, then you sleep with her, you meet the parents and before you know it your engaged, you go and live with er and her parents, she gets pregnant so you buy a house and a volvo estate, you have to do double shifts, she always got a headache, you end up drinking 7 nights a week, the rows start, she kicks you out, you get divorced and you move back in with your parents. next time i chat someone up in the pub im gonna just give her my keys and move back in with my mum.  ;D ;D
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psychnurse

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #10 on: 04 July 2008, 09:43:12 »
Have mine... its fairly cheap... it likes migs... and It wouldnt mind living in a shed  ;)

It cant to and housework though!  ::)
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #11 on: 04 July 2008, 09:44:32 »
Quote
the thing is you meet someone, then you sleep with her, you meet the parents and before you know it your engaged, you go and live with er and her parents, she gets pregnant so you buy a house and a volvo estate, you have to do double shifts, she always got a headache, you end up drinking 7 nights a week, the rows start, she kicks you out, you get divorced and you move back in with your parents. next time i chat someone up in the pub im gonna just give her my keys and move back in with my mum.  ;D ;D

Your life story in 3 sentances, on the 7 nights a week drinking you forgot to mention the sheep vending machine though.   ;D ;D ;D
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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #12 on: 04 July 2008, 09:46:00 »
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #13 on: 04 July 2008, 09:46:10 »
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Have mine... its fairly cheap... it likes migs... and It wouldnt mind living in a shed  ;)

  It cant to and housework though   !  ::)
  There's allway's a downside.   ;D ;D ;D
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Guppy

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Re: i need a wife
« Reply #14 on: 04 July 2008, 09:46:17 »
 

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.  Here are some examples:



FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.  They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.


TYRES:
Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated


HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.


SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.


WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.


TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.


EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.


HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.


THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying



 ;)
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;D"I can resist everything except temptation." ;D
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