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[Vamps]

> Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
> boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head
> Office to a customer in Oxford:
>
 Dear Mrs. Murray,
 While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
 
 Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
 surveillance cameras:



> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
>     trolleys when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
>     intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
>     products aisle.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
>     'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
>
> 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
>     told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
>    Calor gas stove.
>
> 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
>     began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
>
> 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
>    mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
>
> 9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
>     Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants
> were.
>
> 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
>       'Mission Impossible' theme.
>
> 11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look'
>       using different size funnels.
>
> 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
>       'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
>
> 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
>       assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices
> again.'
>
> And; last, but not least:
>
> 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
> while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
>
> Yours
> sincerely,
>
> Charles Brown
> Store Manager

[Andyb]

god that was the best laugh i have had in ages thank you
 

[Debs.]

  Hahahaha!........that`s brilliant; ribs `hurting!

[psychnurse]

Superb  

toilet paper one rocks!

[Growler]

  Now that was funny.

[SWMBO]

Ha Ha finally i get revenge, Jue's mouse has been broken by the little one so I saw that list of jokes, split my sides laughing and he didn't know why

Ahhhhh revenge is sweet lol

My fav was the tomatoe sauce one, sorry, my soh is GROSS

[JiMbOb789]

  LMAO

[SWMBO]

oh dear he fixed it.., loved the sweet sound of him crashing things around cause pc wouldn't co-operate

[Kevin Wood]

Yep. Been there (well, nearly). Does funny things to a bloke being dragged round a supermarket.

Kevin

[amigov6]

Hilarious. I now shop happily & quickly because i know what i want & where it is..........However there was a time when she who must be ignored turned it into a 3 or 4 hour ordeal, arguing about tins of sweetcorn or something, so i'd amuse myself by turning the display TV's HI/Fis up full whack, putting random items in people's trolleys, farting in the clean isle where all the beauty products are etc...
  I may be getting old but i refuse to grow up!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jimbob]

Some good ideas to brighten up shopping time in that lot  

[LJay]

Ok so how many of those can we try then!?

[Mr Skrunts]

That was brilliant, am still laughing.