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[Mr Skrunts]

[size=14] THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER

8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants -  open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10.00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer.
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17kg.
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3.00 Nap.
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
10.00 Hot shower (alone).
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.[/size]

[Mr Skrunts]

[size=14]
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM

6.00 Alarm.
6.15 Blow job.
6.30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section.
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7.30 Limo arrives.
7.45 Several Beers en-route to airport.
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).
9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.
11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12.15 Blow job.
12.30 Play back nine - 4 under.
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Bourbons).
2.30 Fly to Cairns.
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson(bending over..naturally).
6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave.
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; cannabis legalised.
7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch match of the day; Souths beating Manly by    25 points.
9 .30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over).
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.
11.30 A night cap blow job.
11.45 In bed alone.
11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep

and THAT ladies and gentlemen is why male/female relationships
VERY RARELY WORK!!![/size]

[Jimbob]

Can't argue with that  

[The Red Baron]

absolutely brilliant, got me laughing here,  

[Kieran]

My kind of day

[albitz]

  ......very good  

[Debs.]

11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

  You must`ve met my ex.!

[Jimbob]

11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

  You must`ve met my ex.!

Were we once together?  

[Debs.]

11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

  You must`ve met my ex.!

Were we once together?  

 .......poor Ljay; how she must suffer!

[albitz]

on a similar vein. A young women talking on the phone to her friend who has asked how her day has been-' Well, a bit strange really.after work i decided to surprise my boyfrend by meeting him as he came out of work.He didnt seem that happy to see me, so i took him to the pub for a drink i tried talking to him to try to work out what was going on with him,but he just put the shutters up,We then went back to my place where i quickly made him some thing to eat,but he hardly touched his food or spoke throughout the meal. I was sure he was just about to dump me but then he led me to the bedroom and made love to me.Then he just got up and went home.I just wish i could work out whats going on inside his head,its driving me mad.
meanwhile the boyfriend is on the phone to his mate.his mate asks what sort of a day he has had.the boyfriend replies,"crap day at work,dead tired.got acouple of pints and a shag in though, so it wasnt all bad.

[smoothomega]

Seem's fair enough to me,  

[amigov6]

GUTTED!!! For once even i ca'nt argue.

[Mr Skrunts]

[size=12]Perfect Life Joke
 

A man was complaining to his friend, “I had it all - money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman… then, poof! It was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “My wife found out.”[/size]